fixme,
you have awesome points. have u said any of this to her? you should bring up the "for better or worse". you should talk to her about all of this if you haven't already. I'll keep you in my prayers.
Wife is "tired" of my anxieties
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OmahaIsBeautiful
- Posts: 10
- Joined: Sat May 30, 2009 8:01 pm
Hi Fixme,
Your wife sounds like a very lucky woman indeed, since she obviously has a very supportive, caring husband. Is tomorrow the day you are going to see a therapist? If your wife is coming with you, that would be a great time to discuss all of your fears and frustrations. It is natural to feel anger in your situation, and I hope that as you both grow and learn more about yourselves, you come to lean on each other as you used to. I know that words cannot take away the sadness you're feeling, but please remember to have hope and to believe in yourself and in your ability to do the best you can. I'm sure that everyone here is sending lots of positive thoughts your way!
Your wife sounds like a very lucky woman indeed, since she obviously has a very supportive, caring husband. Is tomorrow the day you are going to see a therapist? If your wife is coming with you, that would be a great time to discuss all of your fears and frustrations. It is natural to feel anger in your situation, and I hope that as you both grow and learn more about yourselves, you come to lean on each other as you used to. I know that words cannot take away the sadness you're feeling, but please remember to have hope and to believe in yourself and in your ability to do the best you can. I'm sure that everyone here is sending lots of positive thoughts your way!
Thanks OmahaisBEautiful1, I appreciate that. She is not coming with me to the therapist tomorrow night. She wants me to work on myself for a while, while she figures out her feelings. And at some point she said she would come with me. Tonight she went to stay with her friend and go see a movie. SO I am alone tonight. Feeling more sad and frustrated tonight than last time she did this. SHe has said she does feel loved and supportive but that isnt enough anymore i guess. And in a way she is right. Ive given my all for her, to help her and forgotten about myself. Been depressed, full of anxiety, IM not fun to be around right now.
Ok, I have a similar situation with my wife and you need to work on this yourself. She is not your safe spot YOU need to be your safe spot. My advice would be to talk to a therapist, friends, people on here but talk to your wife sparingly. Remember she lives with you and WE can be over bearing with all of this. It is in the front of our thoughts all day but other people can't understand and never will. Try to find other outlets and work on yourself and she will see that. Good luck!
I wrote this today, do you think I could or should read it to my wife?:
These are just some really honest thoughts. Not meant to hurt or upset, just honest thoughts.
I know you had a long weekend and I have no problem with you going to Kate's when you feel the need.
And you dont need to respond if you dont wish to. I don't blame you for how you feel, it is what it is, youre being honest.
I just dont understand why you married me if you had doubts all along or waited this log to say something. The day we literally held each other up at the ceremony and read our vows? You had doubts? Never told me? Or never asked me to work on it more if it bothered you so? Im just being honest when I say that really really upsets me, and rips out my guts. I have a problem with some anxiety, yes. I should have worked on it more, yes. You have called me out and have opened my eyes, yes. Now that you have told me and I am working on it and will continue to work on it I just dont understand the need to just emotionally and physically abandon me like this. I have a problem, yes but why cant you be there for me to try to work thru it? I dont understand. I know you are are so busy right now, and so Im patient. But I helped you thru so many situations, was there for you, told you we'd figure things out together. Business wise, personal wise. etc. Was I sometimes stressed, sad, frustrated, tired? Yes. Ive sacrificed so much so you can build your business and succeed. But I was there because I made a commitment, and wanted to do all that. AND I LOVE YOU! Yes, Ive fallen into a rut and need to get out, I'm trying.
If this is more about you just not wanting to be married because of your career, traveling, workshops, etc and dont want the responsibility of being married to me any more ok, but please, please dont use my anxiety issues as a crutch to leave the marriage when that it is something we can try to work on. I understand you are tired of it and my silence at times turns you off. Im trying to work on it! You say you want a partner with goals. Getting and keeping a pretty damn good and challenging job, buying a house, fixing up the house, trying to build a life and supporting my wife and ALWAYS being there to help her, thru EVERYTHING? Those aren't goals? OK, i should have made more of an effort for us to date or go out and have more fun times together, my fault. I understand, Im working on it. I wish you could understand how difficult this anxiety is for me but I know for someone that doesnt deal with it on this level it is hard to understand. It isnt a choice or something I can control, like in Vegas, but I need to relearn how to deal and get thru those moments when a panic attack is coming. Ive programmed myself to respond in these ways over many years and I am learning to work on that. If you just dont want to deal any more than there is nothing I can do. I know it might take time to heal your hurt, but what about commitment, at least to try. Please just give it some thought and time. I will continue to work on myself and get stronger and will always be thankful for you for reminding me now, no matter what you decide in the long run.
my love
These are just some really honest thoughts. Not meant to hurt or upset, just honest thoughts.
I know you had a long weekend and I have no problem with you going to Kate's when you feel the need.
And you dont need to respond if you dont wish to. I don't blame you for how you feel, it is what it is, youre being honest.
I just dont understand why you married me if you had doubts all along or waited this log to say something. The day we literally held each other up at the ceremony and read our vows? You had doubts? Never told me? Or never asked me to work on it more if it bothered you so? Im just being honest when I say that really really upsets me, and rips out my guts. I have a problem with some anxiety, yes. I should have worked on it more, yes. You have called me out and have opened my eyes, yes. Now that you have told me and I am working on it and will continue to work on it I just dont understand the need to just emotionally and physically abandon me like this. I have a problem, yes but why cant you be there for me to try to work thru it? I dont understand. I know you are are so busy right now, and so Im patient. But I helped you thru so many situations, was there for you, told you we'd figure things out together. Business wise, personal wise. etc. Was I sometimes stressed, sad, frustrated, tired? Yes. Ive sacrificed so much so you can build your business and succeed. But I was there because I made a commitment, and wanted to do all that. AND I LOVE YOU! Yes, Ive fallen into a rut and need to get out, I'm trying.
If this is more about you just not wanting to be married because of your career, traveling, workshops, etc and dont want the responsibility of being married to me any more ok, but please, please dont use my anxiety issues as a crutch to leave the marriage when that it is something we can try to work on. I understand you are tired of it and my silence at times turns you off. Im trying to work on it! You say you want a partner with goals. Getting and keeping a pretty damn good and challenging job, buying a house, fixing up the house, trying to build a life and supporting my wife and ALWAYS being there to help her, thru EVERYTHING? Those aren't goals? OK, i should have made more of an effort for us to date or go out and have more fun times together, my fault. I understand, Im working on it. I wish you could understand how difficult this anxiety is for me but I know for someone that doesnt deal with it on this level it is hard to understand. It isnt a choice or something I can control, like in Vegas, but I need to relearn how to deal and get thru those moments when a panic attack is coming. Ive programmed myself to respond in these ways over many years and I am learning to work on that. If you just dont want to deal any more than there is nothing I can do. I know it might take time to heal your hurt, but what about commitment, at least to try. Please just give it some thought and time. I will continue to work on myself and get stronger and will always be thankful for you for reminding me now, no matter what you decide in the long run.
my love
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OmahaIsBeautiful
- Posts: 10
- Joined: Sat May 30, 2009 8:01 pm
Hi Fixme!
Wow--your letter is so beautifully written. It really expresses your emotions powerfully and eloquently. If you feel comfortable sharing it with your wife, I think it would be a great idea. It might help her understand your perspective a little more clearly. I really admire the courage with which you are facing all of these difficulties. Good for you!!
Wow--your letter is so beautifully written. It really expresses your emotions powerfully and eloquently. If you feel comfortable sharing it with your wife, I think it would be a great idea. It might help her understand your perspective a little more clearly. I really admire the courage with which you are facing all of these difficulties. Good for you!!
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aliengal24
- Posts: 80
- Joined: Mon Feb 02, 2009 11:08 am
