I can totally understand what you mean about wanting to be perfect about what you put in your journal. I've felt that way before too. In the past, I color coded the things I wrote about. I wrote about one topic in black, another topic in blue, etc. I've also tried creating sections in my journal for different things. But those attempts took too much effort for me. I found it's easiest to just write about whatever I'm thinking or feeing, whether it's really good or worrisome. I've found that it's a good way to vent.
So do you know where your desire to be perfect comes from? Does it affect everything you do? Is it a religious thing? Do you want to be accepted by others? Is it just something you've always expected of yourself? Do you expect others to be perfect too? I'm curious because I try very hard to be perfect, too, and I'm trying to figure out why.
I'm really glad to hear that you're getting out and doing stuff even though you don't feel great. That's a big thing in session two. You should definitely feel really good about yourself for doing those things, even if they may seem small. The fact that you're trying means that you are succeeding, and that is cause to celebrate! I don't know if this program talks about rewarding yourself at all. I haven't heard anything about that yet, but you should definitely do something for yourself to celebrate your progress. I'm sure it wasn't easy to start writing, so take time to do something you enjoy!
Habitual Worry
Re: Habitual Worry
Wow--your question about where my perfectionism comes from really made me think. Do you remember in Session 1 when we were supposed to check which family situations we experienced? Well, my family growing up had several of those. If I had to pick one long-ago root cause, it would be that my mother was/is very overreactive, and as children, my siblings and I were yelled at a lot for doing things wrong. I know that's not the only reason--its MANY years later, and I still have perfectionistic tendencies.
My perfectionism is at its very worst at work. I am one of 4 supervisors/facilitators for over 70 employees, and the nature of my job requires me to always be a couple of steps ahead so that those 70 folks can do their jobs effectively. I work really hard and put in a lot of hours, and my boss is demanding. To add another element, there are countless ways to go about doing my job--it's results-oriented, and it is up to me to figure out how to get those results (there's no guidebook!). As you can imagine, I work and worry myself into anxiety, wondering if I've done enough. Sometimes I handle the stress OK, but sometimes not--like now. That's why I feel I really need this program. I've got to develop some tools that I can regularly use.
I'm very clear about what I expect from the people I work with, but I'm WAY harder on myself than I am on anyone else in my life.
Have you drawn any conclusions about your perfectionistic tendencies?
BTW--I hope you don't mind that I got a chuckle out of your color-coded journal. Sounds like something I would have done!
My perfectionism is at its very worst at work. I am one of 4 supervisors/facilitators for over 70 employees, and the nature of my job requires me to always be a couple of steps ahead so that those 70 folks can do their jobs effectively. I work really hard and put in a lot of hours, and my boss is demanding. To add another element, there are countless ways to go about doing my job--it's results-oriented, and it is up to me to figure out how to get those results (there's no guidebook!). As you can imagine, I work and worry myself into anxiety, wondering if I've done enough. Sometimes I handle the stress OK, but sometimes not--like now. That's why I feel I really need this program. I've got to develop some tools that I can regularly use.
I'm very clear about what I expect from the people I work with, but I'm WAY harder on myself than I am on anyone else in my life.
Have you drawn any conclusions about your perfectionistic tendencies?
BTW--I hope you don't mind that I got a chuckle out of your color-coded journal. Sounds like something I would have done!
Re: Habitual Worry
I'm glad you got a kick out of my color-coded journal. It's fun for me to look back on all the things I have tried and how much I have grown and changed since then.
As for my perfectionistic tendencies, I'm not 100% sure where they all come from, but I have identified a few things. I'm naturally very obedient and I want to do the right thing. I am afraid of getting in trouble and try to live in such a way that I won't get in trouble. I'm also very religious and try to keep all of God's commandments to the best of my ability. I know that I am blessed when I obey, and that motivates me, but I often try too hard to be perfect at everything and then end up feeling discouraged. I think part of it comes from my desire to please people, especially my parents. I always wanted to make them proud of me and to receive their praise. In school, I took classes with several pre-med students and they obsessively studied and tried to get straight A's, so I did too, even though I wasn't pre-med. Another factor is my desire to maintain high grades so I can keep my scholarship for school because that helps out a lot financially. So I think there are tons of reasons why I try to be perfect. It's hard to sort them all out or even try to eliminate any of those things.
Do you find that you try to please people outside of work? Or is that the only source of that type of anxiety? Do you worry that people are thinking negatively of you? I found that this has been a big source of my anxiety.
Last night, I was thinking about some of the things that have helped me to progress recently. I want to share what I came up with. First of all, do you like piano music at all? I really like a pianist named Jon Schmidt. He has a song called "Care Free" that I often listen to when I am feeling upset. It helps my mind to relax. It's much shorter than the relaxation tape, so it's good for a quick relaxing influence. I have also started making notecards for myself. I use the ones that came with the program, but I've found that having my own personal affirmations that apply specifically to my life helps me a lot. Reading the cards I made multiple times a day helps me not to worry about those things as much. Do you think either of those things would be helpful for you?
As for my perfectionistic tendencies, I'm not 100% sure where they all come from, but I have identified a few things. I'm naturally very obedient and I want to do the right thing. I am afraid of getting in trouble and try to live in such a way that I won't get in trouble. I'm also very religious and try to keep all of God's commandments to the best of my ability. I know that I am blessed when I obey, and that motivates me, but I often try too hard to be perfect at everything and then end up feeling discouraged. I think part of it comes from my desire to please people, especially my parents. I always wanted to make them proud of me and to receive their praise. In school, I took classes with several pre-med students and they obsessively studied and tried to get straight A's, so I did too, even though I wasn't pre-med. Another factor is my desire to maintain high grades so I can keep my scholarship for school because that helps out a lot financially. So I think there are tons of reasons why I try to be perfect. It's hard to sort them all out or even try to eliminate any of those things.
Do you find that you try to please people outside of work? Or is that the only source of that type of anxiety? Do you worry that people are thinking negatively of you? I found that this has been a big source of my anxiety.
Last night, I was thinking about some of the things that have helped me to progress recently. I want to share what I came up with. First of all, do you like piano music at all? I really like a pianist named Jon Schmidt. He has a song called "Care Free" that I often listen to when I am feeling upset. It helps my mind to relax. It's much shorter than the relaxation tape, so it's good for a quick relaxing influence. I have also started making notecards for myself. I use the ones that came with the program, but I've found that having my own personal affirmations that apply specifically to my life helps me a lot. Reading the cards I made multiple times a day helps me not to worry about those things as much. Do you think either of those things would be helpful for you?
Re: Habitual Worry
Can anyone tell me what they do about feeling anxious all the time? If I am not busy then I feel very tingley and anxious. I think it is because I worry all the time. I worry about - will i ever get better- how long will it take. I take medication now and I do not want to increase the doseage. I had insomnia but I am now on a CPAP machine - which has helped some. So I worry - will be able to sleep at night. Again, I worry about everything- I just want to know how long it takes to get over the tingely feeling / anxiousness. I am retired so I do not work anymore- so I try to stay busy around the house. I am afraid to try and volunteer because of all these feelings. Any suggestions??
sjr2066
sjr2066
Re: Habitual Worry
I've noticed that positive self talk has helped me a lot. I read the card that went along with this session to myself every time I started to feel anxious. And I elaborate and tell myself other things that I want to hear that make me feel better. With regards to not sleeping at night, I had the same fear. When I started getting anxious about that, I just got up and read a book until I felt really tired and was able to sleep. I also listen to the relaxation cd before I go to bed and that helped me to feel more comfortable and less worried about sleeping at night. I've made so much progress and have been sleeping a lot more. Do you enjoy reading? Working in the garden? I would find something you enjoy and do that every time you start getting anxious. Good luck, and keep us posted!