BUILDING A BETTER LIFE (BBL)... Session 6

[THH]

Karen,
It has been a difficult week! This weather in Ohio is depressing.
Good for you reminding yourself to stay in the present. June is a long way off. It is really easy to get overwhelmed with piling stuff up on us. You have recognized that, good for you!
You are working on it all, its good you enjoyed a fun game to end your day!
Good night,
Tomorrow will be a better day!

[Karen L]

thanks THH

[NinjaFrodo]

Hello again guys. I hope everybody is well. I did see your responses to the post I last made but just didn't respond but just wanted to let you know I did read it and appreciate it.

There was one thing I got an insight for that I wanted to share with everybody.

These distorted ways of thinking are not necessarily bad. They themselves are coping mechanisms in order to help us. They help to regulate the pain and suffering as to prevent shock and extreme forms of overwhelm that otherwise the mind and body cannot handle. Minimization for instance helps to reduce the intensity and take the edge off making it a little less powerful and more easier to manage. They all help in diffrent ways but in essence they reduce the effect of the pain while still motivating us to deal with the unresolved issues through uncomfortable feelings. The only problem is that if they are ignored they can become like a jail cell. So they have usefulness and they help us to progress to more realistic ways of thinking.

Another thing with I wanted to talk about was the negative coping skills. These are those acting out things like yelling at people, being manipulative, abusive or anything that causes harm to ourselves and others...even though they cause harm they too are very helpful. We have these negative coping mechanisms again to moderate the pain and suffering to prevent shock and they are the lesser of 2 evils and they also cause pain which can potentially motivate us to fix the problem..even more so when its pain given to us by others. Positive coping mechanisms can be scary because they can actually speed up the recovery process and force us to deal with our stuff when we may not be ready to do so.


Just some things to think about,

Mike

[Paisleegreen]

THH-I like your comments...sorry about the rain, I would be in the same situation if I had rain continuing. I've been lucky to have some beautiful days and then rainy ones to let me rest and work inside! I have really appreciated the rain that follows after I worked in my yard. I still have a lot of yard to work on as I know you do too, THH. So it is a real test to focus on the present. Ugh...

I had to do the same with my sister with the cluttered trailer and yard that I've mentioned a while back. She would tell me certain problems and I would ask her, where were you when I was taking care of Mom and Dad and their stuff? She quickly backed down realizing that she hasn't been there for our parents. She was a taker...although I understand and give her leeway as to her mental or emotional state and hasn't made the best choices due to my parents helping out too much.

But I was glad I didn't allow her to manipulate me...and still I have to work on not worrying about her and making her problems mine. I have other siblings that when the time comes we will collectively make decisions on what is best for her. I just have to work on not being the one to take on more of other people's problems. I do what I can, but I won't allow my resources to be strained or be taken advantaged of.

Karen L--I'm so glad you were able to get out and play with your daughters! I hope that you will be able to see your Granddaughter be born and have no worries. I feel stressed over attending two Graduations next week! One is just deciding whether just to attend the party the parents are giving the one Senior and skip the big graduation part of receiving the Diploma. It will be more personable at the party get together. The other graduation will be easier to go to as it is a smaller high school and a smaller auditorium. While the first one will be at a college event center.

Then the next event is a family reunion 4 hours away and I don't want to stay at my father in law's house. As you all might remember my issues with my Father in Law and his house just isn't comfy as years gone by. Father in Law now sleeps in the kitchen/dining/family room area. And the house is very, very old! I mentioned to DH that we needed to reserve a motel room, which we have done in the past, but it needs to get reserved soon. So I will focus on the graduations and getting a motel room. Peace to all of you! Paislee

[Karen L]

hi everyone....Im slowly coming out of my funk lol......beautiful week-end here and I got alot done

Paislee....thanks for the support I worry so much in advance, its one of the things that has always been a big problem for me, Im a big "what-if-er"..... you are handling all your situations very well its so great that you are working out details to make the situations more comfortable for yourself instead of avoiding, which is great!!!

gotta get to bed, have a great evening everyone!!

[Paisleegreen]

Hi Karen L and others, last night DH talked with his sister about my father in law and how he is getting worse, she really is looking forward to the day where he will have to get more care at a Rest Home or pass on. She worries so much about him and he is very stubborn. So this upcoming reunion was discussed and also DH's sister invited us to stay at her place in her camp trailer as she knows that my Father in Law's place isn't up to par, unless you enjoy camping.

So that still doesn't work for me as I really can't share a room with DH as he sleeps and I, duh, have anxiety issues, so I really don't want to share a trailer with DH. So this brings us the same thing that you are working on, Karen, and that is preplanning.
I'm figuring DH doesn't mind staying at his father's house, as he knows the shower is working fine etc. and he is a guy.

I think I will still shoot for a motel, I could stay at the camp trailer at my sister in law's, but why should I do that? I have the resources to stay at a motel nearby and like most family reunions, it is the siblings that really enjoy being with eachother and they have plans to do yard work at my father in law's house plus go to a special museum display of dead body parts. Ugh...I have no desire to go to this exhibit of corpses, not with my wild imagination! I don't even like to watch TV shows with fake body parts and put up with Dr OZ's display of destroyed innards of sick people.

I've taken anatomy and physiology and had my turn with studying the human body. That was when my gut was normal!
So I'm going to the reunion to get to know DH's Aunts and Uncles from his Dad's side of the family and will socialize with them all you want. Because that is what I enjoy is getting to know other people, but I don't plan on going to this Exhibit of sliced cadavers.

I have more news, my married sister is coming into town from faraway to stay and is bringing her handicapped daughter.
This means I will HAVE to finally attack my scrapbook room and clear it up for company! Talk about anxiety and over thinking!

I have two months to make this happen...so I will be practicing all the skills we have been learning and working on here. But I am definitely in a better place than last year at this time when we were clearing out a bedroom for this same married sister and her husband and tiling a bathroom, along with me figuring out where my first panic attacks came from. So this is sort of a blessing in disguise as I've been wanting to get into this scrapbook room and get it organized so that I can use it!

I just have to gage my time, energy and thoughts to systematically get this room in order along with continuing progress on my yard. This time around I have you guys and the Program and I'm not on Beta Blockers and in a Panic Mode.
Thanks for listening....Paislee

[mcshope]

Here is the link to session 7...
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 15&t=25316

[livelife]

My car got broken into last friday and it was terrible, I definitely controlled my anger and tried to keep it downlow tried to take a couple deep breathes to calm myself down too and then made the police report.
The session about anger was definitely helpful in that moment. perfect timing.
~LiveLife~

[Paisleegreen]

Way to go, livelife!

[livelife]

Way to go, livelife!

thank you