I feel that I have NO future

[Paisleegreen]

Hi Mr Cleveland--You got some good advice from bunny rabbit. I wish I could have had a chance like that when my parents were alive.

I was wondering why you selling your Father's stuff affecting you. He needs to bring in income right? I recall that he has lost his business due to the economy. How is this affecting your future? Is he selling "business equipment" that you would be using?

Now change your music to something more upbeat, please. My son did commit suicide and it is not painless. Paislee

[LyndaLu]

Bunny: Thank you for your inspiration and your wisdom.

[LyndaLu]

MrCleveland: Please don't give up hope. In the past I have been to hospitals, considered and
almost commited suicide, and I am now taking several psychiatric medications. And along
the way I lost my job too ! I have to admit that during the past 2 1/2 years I have just been in a
cloud of sorts. I am not moving up with confidence in my life, but I am also not as down as
I once was, which is a blessing. Are you working on the Program? I am on Session 12, Courage
To Change and it could not have come at a better time. I still have no job, money is running
low, my apt lease and health insurance will soon no longer exist. I thought 2007 was terrible
when I had my "breakdown", but now I am facing the possibility of becoming homeless in
just a few months. Please keep in touch with us, we know what you are going through.

[bunny rabbit]

I learned from Victor Frankl in Man's Search for Meaning without hope we die. Here he was stripped naked, in a concentration camp thinking "I have a choice on how I think, I can give up or cling to hope". This is one of the most powerful books I have ever read. In the last year I have experienced more emotional pain than ever before in my life. But God is now setting me free from the chains of the past and giving me a new story, one of freedom, creativity, self-responsibility, boundaries and joy. I have leaned into the pain again and again and learned that I must go through the pain in order to heal from it. My biggest challenge right now is dealing with my mother. She is my greatest teacher. I have just joined a grief support group of a circle of daughters who have lost parents. The loss of my sister still causes the most pain. This is because a false self role of being an emotional caretaker was handed to me when she was born with cerebal palsy. I want to be a new person and live out a new story. I guess this will be one of the big goals I have for the rest of my life. Blessings to all from Bunny

[Paisleegreen]

I've read that book, bunny rabbit, it is very good. I'm glad you are working on a new you. Take care. Paislee

[Cathee60]

I understand what you are saying. The last few weeks I have been feeling very dark. It is coming more often and stays longer. It's like those jig saw puzzles you put together, I can see in my mind the finished puzzle but when I pull back from it to look at it, I see several pieces missing.

I feel, incomplete, empty, desolate, passionless, I have a crisis facing me and I am surprised that I just don't seem to care if the earth were to open up and swallow me. I should be scared, but I am not. I feel nothing. Day before yesterday, all I did all day with cry. I am talking to myself and I am saying positive things to myself, but I don't believe the words. People probably think I am a blithering idiot, wouldn't blame them. I too think I am.

I hate bringing up the "s" word. I have never told anyone, not even my therapist, she would ask but I would deny, deny, deny. It's like when you go to clothing store looking for a shirt or skirt or whatever and the salesclerk will always ask you. "Can I help you." I always say no! It is the same thing. No, I am fine. No, I would never do that. No, No, No, I think I say that because I don't want people to know what a total O I feel.

I have played with the idea of "it" for the last 2 years and I don't fear it, in fact, the thought of it is "comforting."