Mayi, deedee00, SuccinctMama, Debralyn, jugray,
Boon – I had written something earlier…then got side-tracked and wasn’t able to post it. I just read your input and thought it was Excellent!! I hope what I have to add compliments your thoughts as well.
I found answers to this issue—and many others—by learning, practicing and using every lesson in this program. The solution is simple…the means by which each of us get to that solution is also deep down very simple (but it is a process that requires time, repetition, hope, open-mindedness and trust that every lesson in this program will help in its own way—even if we don’t understand exactly how it will at first).
The solution: We must learn to achieve a calmness of mind and body most of us have forgotten even exists. And when you get to that point, and you feel it for the first time, you’ll be absolutely amazed by the feeling. Eating and swallowing and breathing, watching T.V., driving…all of these things will come more naturally.
How did I get to the solution?
The relaxation tape in the program for one. I did that 3 times a day for a long time. I didn’t find it relaxing at first (the last thing in the world I wanted to do was to lie still in a quiet room and think about my breathing and THINK about my thinking). I had spent years and years intentionally filling my every waking moment with “non-stop thinking” in order to leave no space or time in which a ‘scary’ thought could get in…I really didn’t want to do that tape BUT…it proved to be one of the most important Keys to my healing. Master the 2-4 diaphragm-breathing portion of the relaxation tape and you are well on your way to achieving that calmness you are in search of.
Anxious people live hour by hour in high alert ‘fear’ mode. On a scale of 1 to 10…most of us in our current “calm” moments are an 8 or higher on this scale. Therefore…it takes but one thought (I have that feeling in my throat or my throat feels tight or oh I just hate having to eat in front of people or geez, it’s so quiet and what if someone can hear me having difficulty swallowing etc)…it takes just one thought to trigger any number of body symptoms and tense fear responses. And then we reach 10 and it all snowballs and feeds off itself.
And this is exactly where Every Lesson in this program will help you—each lesson in its own way—helping to lower you from an 8 to a 7 to a 6 and so on. Get yourself calm enough to walk around day-to-day at a 5 or lower…and what now seems like a wall you hit, will begin to feel more like a hurdle…and eventually like a speed bump. It will take more to get you to that ‘out’ of control feeling…and so…you’ll little by little…have more time to employ your skills from this program…and that Time…that time is going to allow you more easily to under-react, to take a step in the direction of the calming cycle instead of all those steps we take that add to the “negative thought, chemical response, fear/anxiety, more negative thoughts, more fear” cycle.
Lesson 3: Talking to and supporting yourself just as you talk to your friends and family when they are stressed or worried. We don’t lie to the people we love…we simply choose to point out the ‘big’ picture to them when they are only seeing the small short-term negative picture. Our friend might tell us that they are weak and stupid (and we know they do have weaknesses—we all do—and we know of times when they haven’t made the brightest decisions/choices)…but we also see and can easily point to the real strengths our friend has exhibited and times when they’ve shown their intelligence. They come to us upset and only telling themselves one side of things…and we step in to point out the other side. This…This is positive self-talk…this is what it means to be truthful and that is Exactly what we must learn to do for ourselves minute by minute at first…then hour by hour and day by day until we’ve got it down.
When we find that discipline to constantly check ourselves and make sure we are telling ourselves the truth…the big picture…it isn’t as scary and we start calming…start lowering the anxiety…and as a result, these body symptoms and sensitivity to body functions lessen. For example: "I can eat, I'm just not comfortable doing it right now." Under-react, calm yourself, support yourself...look for the positives and at the very least, (if you can't yet Stop the negative thoughts)...at the very least, add the positive ones to them. Challenge those negative thoughts with the Whole truth.
The same holds true with Lesson 4 on Expectations, Lesson 5 by lowering sugar and caffeine intake, Lesson 6 with learning about how all kinds of different and subtle anger issues affect us…and all the other lessons. The what-if thinking we are masters at, the anxiety of guilt and worry…the scary thoughts. Every lesson we follow in this program will help with various specific things that we do which keep our anxiety levels raised. Heightened anxiety levels send signals to our body that it needs to be on heightened alert…so it keeps those anxiety producing chemicals flowing…which keep our body symptoms and unhelpful thoughts flowing, which keeps our sensitivity to all these issues flowing.
Take this program Lesson by Lesson and start to reverse the pattern we’ve unintentionally made the central part of our lives…and the anxiousness that comes with it will begin to soften…and so to will the acting out of the symptoms.
I have not participated on this forum for a while, but I’ve talked with a lot of people on this forum over the years. I really believe the people who take the more general and big picture approach of focusing on following the whole program…applying and practicing each lesson in order…I truly believe these people have the greatest success. It is really tempting (understandably so) for suffering people to try and ‘attack’ the one or two main symptoms they struggle with…but if you think about it…my difficulty with eating is no different than another person’s difficulty with driving (we both are dealing with a fear that is being heightened and fed by our thinking, which is feeding the chemical release, which is feeding the anxiety and so on.) We both need to lower our anxiousness and in doing this…we will each find the action we struggle with coming to us more naturally and less stressful.
And when it starts coming more naturally and less stressful…and when we support that with the skills we are learning in this program (and especially—Especially when we have a bad day or what seems like a step or two backwards)…and we encourage ourselves to use our new skills to think about these ‘bad’ days with the big picture thinking (the compassionate, supportive, understanding and under-reacting thinking this program teaches us day after day)…that’s when the real healing begins…when the confidence starts picking up…and the hurdles feel more like speed-bumps.
You all can do this. Keep a check on your perfectionism…this tends to get many of us overwhelmed when we first start doing the program (even well into it) where we worry “Am I doing everything exactly right” and put pressure on ourselves “I can’t move forward because I didn’t do these few things as good as I could have” etc. Follow the recommendations in the program as closely as you can…but remember…no one is grading you but YOU…remember you are doing this for YOU. If you realize you are hanging yourself up and you’ve spent 2 weeks on one lesson…stay motivated and move on to the next. Make a note and come back to those assignments you want to spend more time on.
Journal! Get a notebook and write down what you are learning or just thinking about while you go thru each lesson; you’ll be amazed what realizations come to you while just writing about what you are learning. I really think journaling was an important part of moving me forward. Putting what I was being taught into my own words really made it ‘stick’. Sharing what I was learning with others on this forum…that was really what I used as my journal…and it kept me focused on the Skills, instead of on the symptoms. Work to get to that place...have patience until you do...I really think it's a big plus.
Have patience! Remind yourself everyday that this is a process…that is so so so very important. When you think of it as a process…it’s so much easier to give yourself credit for a good moment…one good accomplishment at a time. If we focus on the end result—it will Never seem like you are where you want to be…and that opens up the big wide door to let in all of those negative anxiety producing thoughts we are so skilled at beating ourselves up with. It’s a process and be proud that you have started it!! That is already one step further than you were.
My best,
JOP
anxiety while eating
"O God, you are my God. Earnestly I seek you;my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water. I have seen you in the sanctuary and beheld your power and your glory. Because your love is BETTER than life,my lips will glorify you. I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name, I will lift up my hands." Psalms 63
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These are fabulous!!! I am just starting the program & it is amazing to see when you allow yourself to worry about your body symptoms, uneasy feelings & thoughts, you make everything seem worse & you think you actually believe what you are telling yourself which makes it worse. But once you calm down the positive thoughts, truth, & reality appear through the fog of anxiety & as time passes the fog doesn't last as long. So floating every negative thought & uneasy feeling is what we have to do, no matter how we feel. This is something I am currently working on. Good luck to us all! We can do it!
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