I lost it!

[Guest]

Free to beg, yes, I've considered family counselling, but my husband and son both refuse too. For some reason, they believe counselling is a "weak" thing, lol go figure..(perhaps that have an issue with "what if people think were crazy"..) Just making light of the situation..laughter is good medicine, right? anyways, I wish they would go along with it, but for right now I'll continue praying for that.
My husband and I have talked about it, until we're blue in the face and unfortunatly it always turns into an agruement. He says that I am "always on the defensive" about my son. He is very stubborn and doesn't like to hear that this is partly his fault too. I end of just saying "ahhh forget it, you never listen to what I'm saying anyways" and we drop it. With deeper wounds, I hold everything in. I don't know where this will take us, but I will do everything within my control and let God do the rest. I'll keep believing and trusting God..really that's ALL I can do.
thank you for your kind words..It's appreciated!
God bless you
Robin

[Enlightened]

Mom of 6,

I've been writing here for half an hour describing similar emotional pain I have experienced with my son, who just turned 24, and my wife. It was too long so I deleted it.

All I can say is that beating ourselves up for losing control of our anger and behaving in a way we are ashamed of only serves to keep us stuck in the same behavior. Condemning ourselves and others for bad behavior and directing such rejection at our "selves" literally causes us to be emotionally sick and locked into negative behavior. It's okay to say, "I do not like the behavior which I exhibited, I want to change that." But to call our "selves" worthless, bad, unworthy, or worse as a result of the behavior is self-destructive and will keep us stuck.

I encourage you to start with yourself. Learn to be compassionate, forgiving, unconditionally loving to your "self" first. This is what Jesus is like, in my opinion, and from my own personal experience. Let go of the bad stuff, seek to forgive yourself of all of it and let it go, don't dredge it up and ruminate over it or obsessively think about it. With the dynamics going on around you, this will not be easy, but it is needed for you to get better, in my opinion. Once you learn to be your own best friend, to love yourself unconditionally, it will be much easier to extend the same to your children and to your husband.

I'm deeply sorry that you and your family are experiencing so much pain. Try and make each day a building block to the next with love, forgiveness, laughter, and belief in yourself and especially your children. Your 17 year old is still a child. Seek to pat him on the back for even the little things he does which are good and seek to overlook and play down what you don't see as good. He will respond to you like he did as a child. He needs unconditional love and acceptance and there's still time for you to develop that, even after he leaves home.

So, you lost it. Well, join the club dear one, who hasn't? Let it go, forgive yourself and everyone else, and get on with making the next day a good one, filled with goodness, laughter, hope, confidence, and love. Keep trying to change, don't give up, even when you blow it royally. You can get there and it can get a lot better.