I just wonder if you can password your computer to solve that one particular problem. But I guess more importantly, is your husband willing to listen when something like the peanut butter or computer comes up? Are you able to say "Look, I see what you are saying, but couldn't we handle it more directly?" Maybe after several times of pointing it out, he'd ee what he is doing.
My hubby likes to bring up every fear and insecurity during an argument (but then I'M the one who won't forgive and forget???). I think you rightly said it was a means of control. Part of it is me LETTING it bother me. Part of it is him killing my spririt and negating all the progress I've made (or that's what ends up happening). After a while, it's hard to get up and push on, ya know?
I think Lucinda menioned something about people being resisant to us changing for various reasons, like them liking the position we were in for instance.
My hubby's ex wife cheated on him and had the baby passing her off as his own. I think deep down, he likes me being dependant and needy, giving him more security. I can't blame him at all for what he went through and the baggage from that. There's things that still haunt me from my ex. Oh well, that's a different subject for a different day.. hope this helps some.
Is it me or him!?
We share computers but I don't think I should have to. It's funny you say that because he actually changed his password in his Facebook account yesterday. . .then deleted it entirely. I asked him why and he said he didn't use it. He knows that I use his deck of cards in his game to help with mine. It sounds dumb but it's just really mean to me.I just wonder if you can password your computer to solve that one particular problem.
We always have shared everything all passwords bank account etc etc so I know when he starts changing passwords he's just trying to be mean. So then I changed mine too which is totally immature I know.
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Oh, we play Pokey, the virtual dog on Facebook. My 2 year old loves it! My college aged daughter won't check her email, so I have to Facebook her to send her something. It's a cute website.
I like card and board games, but have no one to play with so I have to do it on the computer. It's good for the mind and relaxing. Open him another Facebook acct but don't give him the password so you can use the extra cards- lol- that's bad, huh? Or tell me which application it is on there and you can use mine? Would that work?
I hate you'd have to change passwords but can see in this case where you have to be aggressive about him being mean. I know it's better to talk it out, but it takes two willing to do that,right?
I like card and board games, but have no one to play with so I have to do it on the computer. It's good for the mind and relaxing. Open him another Facebook acct but don't give him the password so you can use the extra cards- lol- that's bad, huh? Or tell me which application it is on there and you can use mine? Would that work?
I hate you'd have to change passwords but can see in this case where you have to be aggressive about him being mean. I know it's better to talk it out, but it takes two willing to do that,right?
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Yeah well it's easing up some. I finally decided to stop "not talking" to him. . .cuz I have a feeling he really wasn't noticing anyway. hehehe
I was feeling really out of it last night and realized it was because I was sort of obsessing about our relationship questioning if it's OK. . . if I'm being too mean. . .if he's being too mean. . .how long I'll have to live with him.
Then this morning I had a thought of why not just be nice and see what happens.
hmmm. . .. novel idea.
I just hate thinking I "gave up" or "gave in" because I feel like he was being mean and he never acknowledged it. But, maybe he doesn't always realize how his teasing effects me.
So I'm going to try and let it go and see how things go.
If you like card games try to look at PackRat! If you like it I can add you as a friend on there and we can help each other with cards. I normally don't add anyone I don't personally know but those of you on here are different.
Also if you don't have friends that play you can still play with the Rat "friends" that are included in the game. It's really fun.
I was feeling really out of it last night and realized it was because I was sort of obsessing about our relationship questioning if it's OK. . . if I'm being too mean. . .if he's being too mean. . .how long I'll have to live with him.
Then this morning I had a thought of why not just be nice and see what happens.
hmmm. . .. novel idea.
I just hate thinking I "gave up" or "gave in" because I feel like he was being mean and he never acknowledged it. But, maybe he doesn't always realize how his teasing effects me.
So I'm going to try and let it go and see how things go.
If you like card games try to look at PackRat! If you like it I can add you as a friend on there and we can help each other with cards. I normally don't add anyone I don't personally know but those of you on here are different.
Also if you don't have friends that play you can still play with the Rat "friends" that are included in the game. It's really fun.
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What a novel idea Faith! I tried something radical myself last night.... I talked to my husband. I told him how I was feeling, how his actions hurt me and I what I wanted from him and you now what....... he actually listened and responded. Imagine that!
Who knows how long it will last, but if I am going through changes right now and I know it will take me at least 15 weeks if not more, shouldn't I give him the same amount of time to change?
I think you need to rethink the "emotional abuse." Is he just picking on you like my husband does just to annoy me or is he truly verbally abusive? Does he call you demeaning names, yell at you, put you down, etc. or is it more poking fun or trying to get a rise out of you? There is a huge difference.
Think about it and you will now how you need to respond.
Who knows how long it will last, but if I am going through changes right now and I know it will take me at least 15 weeks if not more, shouldn't I give him the same amount of time to change?
I think you need to rethink the "emotional abuse." Is he just picking on you like my husband does just to annoy me or is he truly verbally abusive? Does he call you demeaning names, yell at you, put you down, etc. or is it more poking fun or trying to get a rise out of you? There is a huge difference.
Think about it and you will now how you need to respond.
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It's just picking on me.
My psychologist yesterday reminded me that guys sometimes tease each other so much (like playing sports) and say things that seem so mean. But, that's just the way they joke around.
However, when it comes to me I take it to heart.
No, he's not calling me demeaning names. He does yell at me though. But he doesn't put me down. It's more just crabby, sarcastic, and teasing.
And then I try to avoid it so I act sort of weird. Like, if I know he'll be in the bathroom (he takes FOREVER to go) and I want to play on the computer, I'll do it while he's in there and listen for him to come out so I can get up and not have him pick on me about it. I know it soudns like I'm the one with the problem when I put it that way (like an addict hiding a drink LOL) but it's just not worth him picking on me about it. I feel like he's trying to get me to never do it, but he says that's not the case. He says he is fine with me playing on the computer but because he knows I'm insecure about it . . . he thinks it's funny to pick on me.
If I know a friend (or him) is sensitive about something,I intentionally DON'T bring that subject up. I don't pick on him about his gray hair!
I really don't understand men.
My psychologist yesterday reminded me that guys sometimes tease each other so much (like playing sports) and say things that seem so mean. But, that's just the way they joke around.
However, when it comes to me I take it to heart.
No, he's not calling me demeaning names. He does yell at me though. But he doesn't put me down. It's more just crabby, sarcastic, and teasing.
And then I try to avoid it so I act sort of weird. Like, if I know he'll be in the bathroom (he takes FOREVER to go) and I want to play on the computer, I'll do it while he's in there and listen for him to come out so I can get up and not have him pick on me about it. I know it soudns like I'm the one with the problem when I put it that way (like an addict hiding a drink LOL) but it's just not worth him picking on me about it. I feel like he's trying to get me to never do it, but he says that's not the case. He says he is fine with me playing on the computer but because he knows I'm insecure about it . . . he thinks it's funny to pick on me.
If I know a friend (or him) is sensitive about something,I intentionally DON'T bring that subject up. I don't pick on him about his gray hair!
I really don't understand men.
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