Stuck in CBT...
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Guest
I so can relate to the issue of acceptance. Although, I am very new in this program the acceptance part is one that is very difficult for me as well. It as if I get caught off guard every time strong anxiety feelings come on instead of just working on being there and riding them out. I hope in time I will get better at this.....Acceptance I beleive is key for my journey but, one that happens I think in its own timing....I appreciate your posts as it helps me in my learning process.
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Guest
Hi Irish,
I'm in a similar boat as you. I also wondered if my counselor was out of ideas for me. He's continued to tell me the same basic idea for some time now. I get frustrated and feel very stuck.
However, when I shared that with my husband (that he's been giving me the same advice and encouragement for over a year), he thought that was cool! He thought that meant I must be on the right track and that practice and consistency is the key.
My deal is that I keep looking for something more to "fix" me. You know? We want something easier or more logical to come along and make it go away. The truth is, lik Boon said, we just don't want to have to deal with it, but it's the practice and consistency that will bring us to healing.
My advice is to stay with the therapist and be sure to tell him your doubts or frustrations.
What I have recently realized is that I was striving TOO hard to fix myself. We can get overboard with it and try too hard to say the right stuff, read the right things, etc. and it can get obsessive itself.
Also, I'd try to let it all flow in and out when the yucky feelings come at you. I have to do that with the anger and frustration that I get that "I have this problem". I sorta visualize a river and try to remember that "it's just a moment, it doesn't mean anything will get out of hand. It really isn't a big deal. It frustrates me, but that's all it is." I have become less and less fearful of the feelings, but now deal with frustration and anger when it bothers me.
Practice. The more you feel the panic, the more practice you get!
I'm in a similar boat as you. I also wondered if my counselor was out of ideas for me. He's continued to tell me the same basic idea for some time now. I get frustrated and feel very stuck.
However, when I shared that with my husband (that he's been giving me the same advice and encouragement for over a year), he thought that was cool! He thought that meant I must be on the right track and that practice and consistency is the key.
My deal is that I keep looking for something more to "fix" me. You know? We want something easier or more logical to come along and make it go away. The truth is, lik Boon said, we just don't want to have to deal with it, but it's the practice and consistency that will bring us to healing.
My advice is to stay with the therapist and be sure to tell him your doubts or frustrations.
What I have recently realized is that I was striving TOO hard to fix myself. We can get overboard with it and try too hard to say the right stuff, read the right things, etc. and it can get obsessive itself.
Also, I'd try to let it all flow in and out when the yucky feelings come at you. I have to do that with the anger and frustration that I get that "I have this problem". I sorta visualize a river and try to remember that "it's just a moment, it doesn't mean anything will get out of hand. It really isn't a big deal. It frustrates me, but that's all it is." I have become less and less fearful of the feelings, but now deal with frustration and anger when it bothers me.
Practice. The more you feel the panic, the more practice you get!
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Guest
KD Lady - the river. It's a beautiful visual and an accurate one. Everything is in the present moment and if we stay with it and not fight it, it passes through us as it was meant to do. It doesn't linger on for days, weeks, etc.
Irish - Acceptance does not come easy. You are already on your way to it. Stay with what you are doing. In fact, you're doing a great job! You just want it over sooner than it is ready to be over. If you decide on the program you will have physical tools right in front of you. You can "flag" those pages that you want to refer to over and over again that will help you through each attack. They are reminders of what you need to do until it becomes second nature to you. If you have a book now from your therapist then flag those pages that you find comfort with. Any book you read that helps you toward your healing, flag what helps you so you can quickly refer to it. Stickers are great, too. Plaster them on your mirrors so they are there when you need them. The six step card from this program is great to carry with you.
You really are doing great. I think you "feel" stuck but I also feel that you just aren't moving as fast as you want to be. You are moving forward, however, and that's what I want you to see.
Irish - Acceptance does not come easy. You are already on your way to it. Stay with what you are doing. In fact, you're doing a great job! You just want it over sooner than it is ready to be over. If you decide on the program you will have physical tools right in front of you. You can "flag" those pages that you want to refer to over and over again that will help you through each attack. They are reminders of what you need to do until it becomes second nature to you. If you have a book now from your therapist then flag those pages that you find comfort with. Any book you read that helps you toward your healing, flag what helps you so you can quickly refer to it. Stickers are great, too. Plaster them on your mirrors so they are there when you need them. The six step card from this program is great to carry with you.
You really are doing great. I think you "feel" stuck but I also feel that you just aren't moving as fast as you want to be. You are moving forward, however, and that's what I want you to see.
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Guest
Boon:
I think you've read me correctly. I want to be "better" and have this over and done with...and I'm not quite there. Part of this is just a desire to be "me" again, part of this is my last major episode 8 years ago was "over" after about 5 months and I did it on my own with no CBT....this has now gone on 8 months, with CBT and I'm tired of it.
However, you are also right that I have made great strides since this began in December. I was in really good shape by April and May, then a job change into a bad situation set it off again....but also, I hadn't really been "living" CBT anymore so was probably ripe for a relapse. Panic/anxiety out of sleep is happening far, far less...I am still having moments of sudden awakeness, but I am mellow about it, read a little, and then go back to bed in 5 to 30 minutes. This seems to be decreasing and hopefully at some point, I won't have these brief "hyper" awakenings anymore. But if I do, I seem to be no worse for it...this type of "acceptance" I need to try and get in my awake/daytime hours.
I have flagged a lot of things but I don't read them daily or sometimes even weekly...I believe this is a change I need to make for that last push through. I have made up my own cards recently which was a breakthrough for me and will continue to carry them. Journaling is not something I've done but it may help to put my thoughts and fears on paper and be able to address them. Some of this seems to turn into a lifestyle and I have been hesitant to do this type of hard work and change the way I go about my life/free time (especially as I have a spouse who is freaked by my anxiety)...but for my sake, I may just need to work harder at reinforcing what I have learned. I still don't seem to be able to get away from the "oh no" and "how will I cope" when anxiety or panic come on hard and that seems to be the final key to "acceptance" and perhaps "final" recovery...damn, I'm trying!
I think you've read me correctly. I want to be "better" and have this over and done with...and I'm not quite there. Part of this is just a desire to be "me" again, part of this is my last major episode 8 years ago was "over" after about 5 months and I did it on my own with no CBT....this has now gone on 8 months, with CBT and I'm tired of it.
However, you are also right that I have made great strides since this began in December. I was in really good shape by April and May, then a job change into a bad situation set it off again....but also, I hadn't really been "living" CBT anymore so was probably ripe for a relapse. Panic/anxiety out of sleep is happening far, far less...I am still having moments of sudden awakeness, but I am mellow about it, read a little, and then go back to bed in 5 to 30 minutes. This seems to be decreasing and hopefully at some point, I won't have these brief "hyper" awakenings anymore. But if I do, I seem to be no worse for it...this type of "acceptance" I need to try and get in my awake/daytime hours.
I have flagged a lot of things but I don't read them daily or sometimes even weekly...I believe this is a change I need to make for that last push through. I have made up my own cards recently which was a breakthrough for me and will continue to carry them. Journaling is not something I've done but it may help to put my thoughts and fears on paper and be able to address them. Some of this seems to turn into a lifestyle and I have been hesitant to do this type of hard work and change the way I go about my life/free time (especially as I have a spouse who is freaked by my anxiety)...but for my sake, I may just need to work harder at reinforcing what I have learned. I still don't seem to be able to get away from the "oh no" and "how will I cope" when anxiety or panic come on hard and that seems to be the final key to "acceptance" and perhaps "final" recovery...damn, I'm trying!
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Guest
When you catch your initial response of "Oh, no, how will I cope!" STOP and say: "Wait a minute here. I CAN HANDLE THIS. Go ahead have the attack. I will not abandon you. I'll stay with you every step of the way." (That little child in you needs to know you'll hang in there with her.) Use your breath work. Oh, the breath is really wonderful. Don't worry about how deep you breathe. That will come. Just focus on slowing your breath down and noticing the in and the out.
There are always challenges in life that may trigger some anxiety. It doesn't have to turn into panic, however. Use your tools to get you through. We are a sensitive lot and we need nuturing not condemnation.
If your husband gets "excited" about your anxiety, tell him to chill, you've got a handle on it.
There are always challenges in life that may trigger some anxiety. It doesn't have to turn into panic, however. Use your tools to get you through. We are a sensitive lot and we need nuturing not condemnation.
If your husband gets "excited" about your anxiety, tell him to chill, you've got a handle on it.
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Guest
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Guest
pecos: Thanks for the compliment. I actually feel really weak over this whole thing sometimes. I really want to conquer it yet sometimes feel I don't know how. But I think as pointed out above, I do know how, I just haven't always followed through. I am still seeking answers but I think perhaps again as noted above, some of the answers are right in front of me....I just need to reinforce them, believe in them, use them, and be patient that this isn't an overnight fix but it will happen.
Boon: I think your words are something I just may need to put on a card for when/if panic starts to strike again. Just whip that out and put it in my face as a reminder not to immediately hop on the victim bus. You make a good point on breathing that I am trying to get better at....I've done all the breathing work in CBT but then fail to apply it when I start to get anxious.
I very much appreciate the responses as this string has helped me tremendously refocus myself. Maybe my therapist has been saying these things too but I don't think so...or maybe I just needed to hear from people who are in the same boat as me, not from a guy in a white lab coat charging me big bucks per hour!!
Boon: I think your words are something I just may need to put on a card for when/if panic starts to strike again. Just whip that out and put it in my face as a reminder not to immediately hop on the victim bus. You make a good point on breathing that I am trying to get better at....I've done all the breathing work in CBT but then fail to apply it when I start to get anxious.
I very much appreciate the responses as this string has helped me tremendously refocus myself. Maybe my therapist has been saying these things too but I don't think so...or maybe I just needed to hear from people who are in the same boat as me, not from a guy in a white lab coat charging me big bucks per hour!!