How to deal with setbacks

[ItsOkayThisIsGood]

I read this thread and it is interesting what you're all saying about the "lost" feeling ... maybe it actually IS an indication of less anxiety? Because when you're so used to thinking constant chaos and panic and badness, and then you start having a few breakthroughs -- it's like, what do you do? Maybe that's why I'm so depressed! It's like I'm trying to worry and what if myself like crazy, but I'm not really feeling it so much as I am just feeling "empty" ... I guess in time I will be able to fill up my life with something other than the anxiety and depression, but right now it just feels like I'm lost.

[Ldybeth]

I, too, can relate to that feeling of bewilderment or being lost. I am a recovering alcoholic and I remember that when I was in treatment, one of the counselors told us that once good things start happening as a product of the work that we're doing, it can be a scary place. We have become so accustomed to drama, chaos and negativity in our lives that we are "comfortable" in it. Once it starts to lessen and things start to improve, we question how long it will last.

I know that for me, at times there can be almost a feeling of boredom and then other times a feeling of fear, waiting for the "other shoe to drop" as I progress through this week, similiar to my early months in recovery almost 6 years ago. But I'm realizing that as I move forward, I am now able to navigate both the good and the not so good moments in life... without the crippling fear and with the necessary tools to keep progressing further...the tools that I so desperately needed in years past but didn't possess and have now been given. What a blessed gift!!

Thank you for everyone who posted on this issue. It really helped me to identify those feelings and to be able to comfortably move forward, right along with all of you.

God bless!

[asammy]

you are not alone! I've also been on this program for about a month and recently, had a setback with school. I'm in college and received the worst grade i've ever got on an assignment ever on a big project. I would say for at least two days after I was still getting upset about it, blaming my professor, blaming the assignment, etc. and not realizing that my thoughts were unrealistic. So what, I got a bad grade, it happens. But i'm realizing that setbacks are gonna happen and it's how we react to them that helps us progress. We gotta just keep getting back up when this stuff happens, and recognizing that even realizing that thoughts are unrealistic is progress.

[OneMoreTry]

Me too! We all have things that throw us for a loop. I guess I'm in this program to find ways to pull out of the loop and get back on course. Found a great quote (in a book about getting your finances more under control) that I think is pretty profound for me, so I'm sharing here....."Focus on the dream not the drama". When I start getting caught up in politics at work, I ask myself "What do I really want here?" (i.e. the dream). When I'm being critized, if I focus on wanting to be a good *___________(fill in the blank), what steps do I need to take and is there any information this person is giving me (no matter how dysfunctional they are in their communication) that can help me achieve my goal.

I find this really helps to avoid geting sucked into the vortex of emotion and negative self talk and usually, that person isn't all that integral to me being the best I can be (i.e. I don't give my power away). It also helps me to be more responsible and not focus on what I'm NOT getting from someone. I find I give other people too much credit. They have their own struggles and their own problems and if they aren't giving what I want (like respectful communication), well, they probably can't,for what ever reason and then I can decide how much of my energy I want to waste on trying to get them to give me something they can't give or if I'd rather spend it moving towards my goal.

Anyway, this is sure helping me out and I hope it helps someone else.