hateful mom

[suzzie]

I'm the oldest of 5 siblings, my sister is the youngest and since my sister was born, my mom has treated me different, as if she only had 1 daughter and 3 sons. I've always wondered what was wrong with me, until recently. My mom and sister were constantly putting down my youngest brothers daughter who is 11. Six months ago the family was invited to another brothers B-Day party. My husband and I picked up my mom (she doesn't drive, she's deaf). While at party, mom started drinking, then start telling my brother negative things again. I just sat there listening to her. My brother finally got fed up and cussed my mom out and left party. My mom asked sister-in-law to take her home, then turned and said she wanted nothing more to do with me. A few days later, family told mom I had nothing to do with what happened at party. My mom then started trying to turn entire family against me. And the brother that cussed at her, she called him and said she was sorry and told him how much she loved him. Then family told her she should call me and apologie to me. She said NO! I'm not ever going to call her. There is only one of my brothers that has stood by my side (not the one in arguement). He said he loves my mom because she is his mother, but he feels any mom that could do this to one of her children is a monster. Sister was very happy about situation and started trying herself to turn everyone against me. By the way, my sister wasn't even at the party, but told my mom, she was sure I caused everything. Other brothers have told me, they feel sister is jealous of me because I'm married, have a nice home life and I have alot love in my life. This is a hard thing to deal with, because my mom is completely brainwashed by my sister, even extended family members have said this. I am open to any help on how to move on. It hurts and there is nothing I can do. I forgot to mention, my sister has been undermining me for 30 years to my mom, verbally abusing my mom, draining her financially. My mom is so afraid of my sister, but denies it whenever anyone brings it up. Pretty sad, huh? Suzzie

[Dodger]

wow suzzie! Well all I can say is that you cant change people. They will be who they are its you that has to decide how you will react and how that reaction will affect you. I know its natural to want your mothers affection but if she is unable to give it openly then thats not a reflection on the person you are....it is however a reflection of what she is.

From your story sounds like you have been battling for moms attentions for several years but through it all have found love and a good home and made a family of your own to love and enjoy. I suspose thats something to be very very gratefull for...and maybe thats what you should focus your attention to. Turn the check to the family that shuns you and enjoy the family that does love you in return.

The best way to let it go is just to let it go its that simple. Say I want no part of it and walk away. Write your story down on paper and all the things you truely feel and then burn it in a firepit outside and have a cleansing ritual of letting it all go......up into smoke and then move on with the family you have.

Sounds like your siblings and mother have some serious issues and they thrive on misery and drama.....you dont have to be a part in that play.

Hope it helps.
Dodger

[suzzie]

Dodger,
I can't tell you how much your message meant to me, you are so right. I really do need to focus on people who care about me, not put so much energy on people who try to break down my self esteem. Thank you so much. Suzzie