Defining "abuse"
-
Inner Peace
- Posts: 53
- Joined: Tue Jul 10, 2007 1:50 pm
We hear a lot of abusive people and situations. Being rather passive, I do let others abuse me more than I’d like to. But it got me to thinking, what really is abuse? What differentiates when someone is just expressing their opinion, and when they are abusive? To me, abuse includes trying to control the other person, or treating them like they do not matter. Part of the battle with dealing with abusive people is to know when you are being abused. You need to be aware of when you are truly being abused, but also not just whine every time you do not get your way. Can others help me with this? How do I know I’m being abused? Where do you draw that line? What if someone does not mean to be abusive, but is anyway. Is that abuse? Thanks.
-
Guest
Thanks for bringing this topic to the table as some of what you discribed happens in this community and personally i recognize some individuals that are truely reaching out for "tough love", need "redirecting", want to be "informed" on what they are missing in their interpretations of why they are "feeling so bad", but just cannot understand or accept why when their answers are clearly stated!?
We are critically sensitive, over analytical, and judgemental of ourselves and of course being vulnerable to critisizm can be taken personally. In fact, the point that is trying to be made may be missed completely because the person being confronted "chooses" to read between the lines, pick apart each and everything that is being stated as a personal attack. Thought of as abuse perhaps, when if fact it is the constructive critisizm they were asking for.
A person knows when they are being physically abused in the same manner a person knows when they are being verbally abused, taken advantage of, disrespected. However, that gray area may have further bounderies than that of the next individual being told the same thing. I may have tighter boundaries than you? The point is that we can all make statements in a tactful, kind manner, with the utmost of emphasis on the care and consideration to the other person's feelings. But, when we as anxious prone people do not accept what is being said or someone else disagrees...it becomes a personal attack, taken as abusive and the concept of constructive critisizm / tough love is completely missed and there is bascally further stressed caused to the recipient. Since there is nothing positive gained and the negetive is taken out of the comments it further enables the person suffering to have cause for feeling bad about themself.
Trying to control another person is 'bullying' which is a definable behavior if you care to look it up on the internet. Anything that causes you to feel bad when there is CLEARLY no content of the conversation that is of any benefit to you, is stated in an unkind manner and CLEARLY makes you feel you are being controlled, is abuse.
RB
We are critically sensitive, over analytical, and judgemental of ourselves and of course being vulnerable to critisizm can be taken personally. In fact, the point that is trying to be made may be missed completely because the person being confronted "chooses" to read between the lines, pick apart each and everything that is being stated as a personal attack. Thought of as abuse perhaps, when if fact it is the constructive critisizm they were asking for.
A person knows when they are being physically abused in the same manner a person knows when they are being verbally abused, taken advantage of, disrespected. However, that gray area may have further bounderies than that of the next individual being told the same thing. I may have tighter boundaries than you? The point is that we can all make statements in a tactful, kind manner, with the utmost of emphasis on the care and consideration to the other person's feelings. But, when we as anxious prone people do not accept what is being said or someone else disagrees...it becomes a personal attack, taken as abusive and the concept of constructive critisizm / tough love is completely missed and there is bascally further stressed caused to the recipient. Since there is nothing positive gained and the negetive is taken out of the comments it further enables the person suffering to have cause for feeling bad about themself.
Trying to control another person is 'bullying' which is a definable behavior if you care to look it up on the internet. Anything that causes you to feel bad when there is CLEARLY no content of the conversation that is of any benefit to you, is stated in an unkind manner and CLEARLY makes you feel you are being controlled, is abuse.
RB
-
Guest
This is a good topic. I agree with RB, you know when you are at the recipient end of abuse. On the other hand, if we over react to a criticism or someone else's opinion, or even advice, that isn't abuse. It wasn't intended to do us harm. In those moments, if we feel abused, aren't we causing it ourselves? Kind of like negative self talk, where the harm there is most certainly self-caused. Again, good topic. Thanks for posting. Kind regards, Pecos.