Help Dealing With Anger

[Patty2k]

I went through the program about 6 years ago. I went from not being able to drive across the street or even walk down the street to flying to Iowa by myself for job training. So I know the program does work. The problem is I have been going nothing but down hill for the past 4 months now. It’s such a long story so I will try to make it as short as possible. Last October my now husband was diagnosed with cancer. After months of hospitals and endless doctor visits we ended up going to NYC for two very serious surgeries. We were there almost all of May and June and he suffered a great deal. I did pretty well for having a past of awful panic attacks. I was able to take care of him and deal with the city for almost 2 months on my own because he was confined to our room. We had to stay in a hotel because he had tubes in his side and couldn’t come home until they were removed. He choose to deal with his cancer by not talking about it or telling anyone about it (except work because he had to) and I respected his wishes. The problem has become his family. They are all mad because he didn’t tell them what was going on. He has been home for over 3 months now and none of them have called or bothered to come by to see him. This would be his mother, brother, and sister. After the first surgery (which was awful) his mother wouldn’t even call him. He had to call her. My brother also passed away from cancer (only 46) and when he died none of them called or even sent a card. They were mad because they read it in the paper before my husband had a chance to call them. He was working 14 hour days and trying to help me. After that I told him I wanted nothing to do with them anymore. I couldn’t get it through my head how people that are suppose to be family could get mad when someone died a horrible death like that. So the problem now is that I am so angry with them that I am having panic attacks again and awful thoughts all of the time. We have to start chemo treatments this Monday so I keep thinking these awful thoughts about them is keeping me from thinking about the chemo but I’m having an awful time dealing with the anger. Not one of them has even offered to help during all of this so I’ve been doing every thing myself with some help from my family. Not to mention this has put us so far in debt and the cancer may spread to other parts of his body. My anger towards them has totally consumed my life for the past 4 months and it’s starting to affect our marriage and my health. I know what the program says about anger but so far it isn’t helping. Does anyone have any ideas or suggestions?

[Boon]

There may be more than one thing you are angry at but that's not really the issue.

Have you made it OK to be angry at these people (and anything else you may be angry at)? It's really important to not fight those feelings. It's perfectly OK to be angry. It doesn't matter who you're angry at or what you're angry about. I suggest you journal your anger. Really get it out on paper. Don't say you're sorry. Don't try to fix how you are feeling. Just be angry on paper. Anger must be directed and released in a healthy way. Journalling your anger is a healthy way to do it. Another way is to breathe into those feelings. Where do you feel them in your body? Keep your attention on where you feel it and breathe into it. You never have to act on anger, but you do need to accept it. It always passes with acceptance.