I could use some help guys

EddyJ · Post by **EddyJ** » Thu Dec 17, 2009 6:26 am

So I have been working on my anxiety for more than a year now. I have accomplished so much. I no longer fear panic attacks. I set goals and am actually working towards them. I am going through the program a second time. About a month ago I began having really scary obsessive thoughts about depression and hurting myself. On the news and t.v. you just see stories about people with depression and commiting suicide. I began obsessing " What if I ever got so sick and frustrated and depressed that I began to consider suicide? Well I started lesson 10 and began finding comfort. But It is still very difficult. I finally made an appointment to see a therapists, and I go to see her in 5 days. I wish I could see her now, but she is on vacation and a lot of the therapists I have been reccomended are also on vacation, no surprise it is the holidays and all.

These last few days have been extremely difficult. I have talked to my parents and my girlfriend and friends about my thoughts. It brings me much comfort knowing how much love and support I have. I love my life and feel so free when I am not experiencing Anxiety. I have no reason to hurt myself. I have a million reasons to live. But dealing with anxiety brings on depression too and sometimes in my anxious episodes I have these thoughts and I get so upset because I don't want to hurt myself but the thoughts are flying in your head and you even begin to doubt. I am not always like this. I find I obsess more on my days off from work when I have a lot of free time.
Yestrerday I had a panic attack and I called my girlfriend crying because I was so scared that I might consider suicide. I would never do it and don;t want to do it. And I find comfort knowing that anytime the thoughts get really hard to stop my initial response is Stop! Thats not true or I need help right now.

I just want to make them stop so that I can live my life peacefully.
I am tired of living with anxiety disorder But I will NEVER get tired of living. I want to get better. Can anyone out there relate? Or have some advice on how they cope with it? Thank you

God Bless

Eddy

dd65623 · Post by **dd65623** » Thu Dec 17, 2009 2:59 pm

hi eddy i can relate to your thoughts.i have the same thoughts when i have a lot of free time also. i just let them come and go and try not to get scared and they seem to go away a lot faster and they don't last as long.hope you can find a way to make it a little easier just remember that you won't act on your thoughts

EddyJ · Post by **EddyJ** » Fri Dec 18, 2009 5:24 am

Hey dd thank you so much. I am happy to report that yesterday I turned a really rough day to a fantastic evening. I began to feel great on the way to work because I thought oh awesome I will be so distracted I will no be obsessing. Well on the drive there i was singing and laughing and feeling like I was going to call the shots. Well when I got to work I was still obsessing. I was feeling so fearful and depressed. My negative catastrophizing had me believing I was hopeless and considering hurting myself. But I said STOP. I am feeling anxious and depressed. Depression does not lead to hurting yourself. Everyone has depression, everyone feels lost at times. That doesn't mean you will hurt yourself. I will allow myself to feel this way. I have all the help I need. I have a lot of love in my life. And I have the will to get better. It will take time and I have all the time in the world. I will get through this. I accept this. And all of a sudden I began to sing in my head and start helping customers at work and it felt like I was a new person. I felt like the real me. I just stopped obsessing. I did not obsess for the rest of the night. I went 8 hours without obsessing! When I had the thoughts again I would counter them and laugh and think to myself, thank god I don't believe any of those things.
I am looking foward to today. This morning I began obsessing when I woke up. And I used the same method I used yesterday. I accepted and countered irrational thoughts. I feel great right now. Thank you for your support too.

God Bless and Much Love,
EddyJ

Worrywoman · Post by **Worrywoman** » Sat Dec 19, 2009 1:25 pm

Keep up the good work, Eddy, stick with accepting the thoughts and fear, trying to stop them makes it worse. Much love and enjoy your holiday season!!!