Hi friends! I LOVE this site!
I'm wondering how anyone knows they're feeling "romantic love" for someone. I deal with ROCD and have ever since I've starting having romantic relationships. There were times with boyfriends that I had feelings I thought were the beginnings of "romantic love," but I was never sure. I never know whether ROCD caused me to end relationships or whether they were truly wrong, but I do know that I've never felt regret over letting a guy go.
I've never had a boyfriend I wanted to spend tons of time with. I've never lit up when my boyfriend (at the time) entered the room. I've never happily planned in my head a future (whether the future was tomorrow or next year or five years from now) with any of my boyfriends. I've never been devastated when a relationship ended. In fact, I'm always thrilled! Maybe I'm thrilled that the ROCD is done, or maybe I'm thrilled to not be with that guy. I truly don't know.
I welcome your thoughts. I'd especially like to know how you know you're feeling love.
I apologize greatly if this has caused any of my fellow OCD-ers to spike!!
Love + Relationship OCD
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Guest
wow. im going through this. and the fear of losing my mind. what a terrible combination. Because now ive been questioning all my relationships...and wondering if im a good person because i cant seem to fall in love.
ive never had a problem getting a bf. and yet i cant seem to find one i just want to spend my life with. in fact...i think im even scared of it. im not comfortable with myself enough to want to spend years and years with one person.
i think the problem is that we doubt. we doubt because we have anxiety. and so we doubt most anything, including relationships. i doubt all my relationships...which isnt good. and i feel bad for men who have had their heart broken by me. its not their fault. i started doubting.
i can understand having relationship problems...and theres this cliche quote that goes "until we learn to love ourselves...we are never loving anybody else" maybe thats true to some degree. maybe you should try being ok with it. its ok to date around...(be safe of course)...its ok to not be sure. i think thats normal...its incredibly common for normal people to NOT be sure of being with someone. in fact uncommon would be those cases where someone meets someone and they just know.
i think the important thing is to be honest with the men in your life. say to them after a couple of dates "you know, im never sure if i feel romantic love" a lot of guys are cool with that. turns out a lot of them dont mind taking their time with deeper emotions. just be honest.
this advice helped me, and i hope it helps you too. good luck.
ive never had a problem getting a bf. and yet i cant seem to find one i just want to spend my life with. in fact...i think im even scared of it. im not comfortable with myself enough to want to spend years and years with one person.
i think the problem is that we doubt. we doubt because we have anxiety. and so we doubt most anything, including relationships. i doubt all my relationships...which isnt good. and i feel bad for men who have had their heart broken by me. its not their fault. i started doubting.
i can understand having relationship problems...and theres this cliche quote that goes "until we learn to love ourselves...we are never loving anybody else" maybe thats true to some degree. maybe you should try being ok with it. its ok to date around...(be safe of course)...its ok to not be sure. i think thats normal...its incredibly common for normal people to NOT be sure of being with someone. in fact uncommon would be those cases where someone meets someone and they just know.
i think the important thing is to be honest with the men in your life. say to them after a couple of dates "you know, im never sure if i feel romantic love" a lot of guys are cool with that. turns out a lot of them dont mind taking their time with deeper emotions. just be honest.
this advice helped me, and i hope it helps you too. good luck.
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Guest
Do you think maybe you're self protecting yourself? Sometimes if you don't let the feelings run too deep or become too invested in a relationship, then you won't have to deal with the potential causing any hurt. Just a thought. I know I dealt with this at the beginning of my relationship with my boyfriend and I love him to pieces!! But I use to obsess because I think I was scared of getting in too deep and not being able to go back.