Ruined by relationship OCD or simply 'just wrong'?

[AJH021581]

Hi everyone,

I have "relationship OCD" (rOCD). When it's bad, it runs and ruins my life.

Today is Monday; my boyfriend of five months and I broke up on Friday night. I was dealing with massive anxiety about our relationship and he was frustrated with my issues, so our ending was mutual. I wasn't sure whether I loved or even liked him: My doubts were constant and overwhelming. Sexual contact of any kind was terrifying for me.

I'm positive that my ex never hurt me deliberately, but he constantly made me feel horribly guilty for my depression/anxiety, and I allowed him to do so. He told me often how he didn't understand what I was going through. However, he didn't want to do research on anxiety/depression disorders; rather, he wanted to learn from me. I saw his point, but I disagreed with his logic.

I felt guilty because my ex would mention things like, "I'd like to be 'here' in our relationship, but you're not 'ready for that,' and it's hard." He was of the opinion that I was being selfish, and, once when we were being intimate and I told him to stop because I wasn't comfortable with what we were doing, he was a little angry and said, "Really?!"

This all makes him sound like this jerk, and he's not! I wonder now, though, whether our relationship ended because of my rOCD, because we were truly mis-matched, or both?

Today, I feel incredible relief. This weekend was one of the best I've had in months. I feel free and have absolutely no desire to call or otherwise contact my ex. I don't miss him, and I don't have any feelings of "wanting him back." Just because I no longer am dealing with rODC, or because I was in the wrong relationship?

Thoughts?

[Guest]

It sounds like you were in the wrong relationship. He didn't sound like he was right for you, making you feel selfish and guilty. That's the last thing you need is for someone to make you feel that way. And the fact that you're taking the break up so well is a sign.