Stress Center Peer Support

Hi Im just posting because im having a very tough time at the moment with my intrusive thoughts. I am on medication which isnt really helping that much. My thoughts are really random and weird. My present thought/ spike is ill be sitting in the room and think to myself 'what if'.... and the what if this time is what if i become afraid of other people/humans. Will i end up alone? will i end up hospitalized? I dont even know why the thoughts effect me so much becuase its ridiculous im not 'afraid' of humans i have a family that I adore and a loving boyfriend. Im just so scared that i am 'becoming' afraid of them. This is really weird and i am starting to think im going insane. I even keep 'purposley' visiting family members just to prove that i am not afraid if them and i still doubt myself. What is all this about? Im even kindof wondering why my obsession is like nobody elses' where people are afraid of harming people. I once had an obsession that i would harm people/ turn into a murderer but i got through that obsession last year. Can obessions shift patterns like this? I feel sick to my stomach and im signed off work, i barely eat or sleep. Ive lost about a stone in weight and everybody is worried about me. I feel anxious for no reason whatsoever just my stupid brain wont let things drop. I feel really crazy telling people about this, im not a religious person but i could really use a prayer right now! :'(

Everyone's different in some ways. My obsessive thoughts can be about anything. I tried to figure out why song structure is the way it is, and I nearly snapped, and felt horrible because I couldn't make sense out of it. I often look at humans in the 3rd person point of view, like "that's typical of jack," of any other crazy junk. I don't even remember what some of these obsessions feel like, cause when they're not bothering me, I don't think about them. Getting to where you don't think of them seems to be the hard part. Hang in there. I'm trying to hang in there, too.