I finished the program almost a year ago. I've been doing well overall, but the times when I wake up crying are throwing me for a loop. It has only happened a couple of times and one of them was this morning. I realized that my depression is largely caused by me not asserting myself or standing up for myself. I get walked on alot, but this morning it was more like a deep grief over having been a victim since childhood. I keep wondering why, which I know is pointless, but it hurts so much. I've changed the way I assert myself and don't let people take advantage anymore. But the past is so hurtful and comes up to bite me when I least expect it. I think I've forgiven and am moving on, but then it comes back and I'm angry all over again. I just keep forgiving and trying to let it go, but I'm wondering if there's something else I can do - like confront - to help get the hurt out. I do journal and write letters that I burn. I'm pretty good at not blaming myself so much anymore, but if there's anything I'm obviously overlooking, please sound off.
Thanks for any input.
What is causing my depression?
New_Nana I feel like I can relate to you.
I wonder if you are going through a detox of sorts.
It really sounds like you are healing, between the assertiveness and writing letters, etc.
I think your body is experiencing detox of all these emotions you had bottled up for so long.
Maybe you can look at it as a positive change that is happening and ride it out.
If everything is going good for you except the waking up and crying, I'll bet that is what it is.
Because our bodies do healing and rebuilding in our sleep and I do believe that things get locked up in our cells. When our cells regenerate, often emotions come to surface. This is what is often called "retracing" - some people who do deep body cleanses experience this and even have familiar smells that come through their pores. They also have cravings for old food they haven't had since childhood.
I know that may sound crazy but I really believe that is what happens.
I wonder if you are going through a detox of sorts.
It really sounds like you are healing, between the assertiveness and writing letters, etc.
I think your body is experiencing detox of all these emotions you had bottled up for so long.
Maybe you can look at it as a positive change that is happening and ride it out.
If everything is going good for you except the waking up and crying, I'll bet that is what it is.
Because our bodies do healing and rebuilding in our sleep and I do believe that things get locked up in our cells. When our cells regenerate, often emotions come to surface. This is what is often called "retracing" - some people who do deep body cleanses experience this and even have familiar smells that come through their pores. They also have cravings for old food they haven't had since childhood.
I know that may sound crazy but I really believe that is what happens.
Shif.
If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it.
If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it.
Wow, I can totally relate to this too. I have never been a crier, but over the last 6 months, OMG! I tear up over the littlest things now. A friend mentioned that they thought a lot of old crap was all just "coming out" now, and I think they are right. It is a good thing! It is messing with my sleep too, but I'm just trying to go with it. Even though I'm only getting 3-4 hours of sleep some nights, I'm still functioning at work ok. Actually, I'm functioning at work better than ever - it's really wierd!
Anyway, thanks for the info on detoxing and retracing Shif! Always good to have someone validate this stuff.
Anyway, thanks for the info on detoxing and retracing Shif! Always good to have someone validate this stuff.