The Challenge...Lesson 4

THH · Post by **THH** » Thu Sep 30, 2010 3:02 pm

Karen,
You got that right! ( We would not talk to other people like we do ourselves)

We are learning to do better with that!

Oh so nice you are a nursing assistant! Do you want to return one day? It has to be very hard emotionally and you would have to be very solid in your beliefs to cope well with all the life and death that you would see. It takes special people to do that job. You sound like you will be returning one day, a job that makes you feel like that don't just go away.

You brought alot of caring to your patients, I'm sure. They will never forget you for being there.

Have a restful night!

THH · Post by **THH** » Thu Sep 30, 2010 3:17 pm

mcshope,
Love your new picture! You like Labs too?!

Sometimes it amazes me how we can “know” stuff, however it won’t help us until it clicks inside. We all know that recovery is a process, however we keep wishing for a quick fix, and sometimes expecting it.

You got that right!

I'm going to check out your TM.ORG, sounds great.

Im so glad you get how hard it is with keeping a schedule. Your right though, I worked really hard this summer on this and once I got it down it rolled very well. It was amazing how flexible people became. I never had any training to learn how to handle this problem, and not many of my friends or family can really understand. Our business is very personable with clients, so it made it hard. I'm happy with my progress that I have made. I felt more in control even though many things are out of control. This way we could spend the quality time at each stop and not feel like I need to be some place in 10 mins. We would of never made good Dr.s or Nurses this day and age. Our people really like to chat about their horses and they like you to give them a certain amount of time to do a nice job. This year seamed better as I practiced time management.

P.S. I liked your sooner, or later, YOUR RIGHT there too. Many called back and waited...

Karen L · Post by **Karen L** » Thu Sep 30, 2010 4:04 pm

THH

I love when you use the confused icon...always make me laugh

I was a nursing assistant for 3 yrs...in 1993 I graduated from nursing school.....most recently I woked in the ER and the ICU....loved the fast pace....for some reason I thrived there...
I want to go back to work very bad....I loved it and miss it...
there are patients and families I will never forget either....some have really changed my life

you have a relaxed night also

NinjaFrodo · Post by **NinjaFrodo** » Thu Sep 30, 2010 4:22 pm

In response to THH;

1 out of 20 isn't bad at all! and it doesn't seem to be a huge loss.

Alright well i will make more of an effort to go about it the same way as you do. Perhaps using the tally counter would help to catch them more.

It was a pretty good link eh? That person really does know how to write and I didn't fully appreciate it until today! I'm suprised I remembered such a post as I read it last year!

I think i'm actually getting better with the thought replacement

and i'm glad you liked them.

Yeah that is a great idea, the revisiting one!

In response to Karen L;

Intresting way that you got into nursing! Also I want to say that even though you went through another rough patch you are still making effort to face your limitations and that is wonderful!

Mike

NinjaFrodo · Post by **NinjaFrodo** » Fri Oct 01, 2010 5:42 am

The Challenge...Lesson 5

See you there!

THH · Post by **THH** » Fri Oct 01, 2010 1:28 pm

Mike,
Okay I'll move on to the next lesson.

I'm having a little bit of a hard time at this moment. My husband got a call from his sister in his cell phone. This is the second time she has contacted him sense we had our words, where she attacked me.
She is making this very personal by avoiding me. I don't think I am over reacting.
I guess I don't mind that she don't want to talk to me, but there is a little part of me that wants to let her know the feeling is mutual. I know if I were to call her ( I would never do this at this point) it would probably another disaster. I don't think I could get my point across that I know what she is doing and I don't want to give her any more power over me, or give her ammunition to use against me.
I'm just stuck I guess, dwelling on it and it is very negative. Part of me wants to call her and tell her I'm glad she is checking on her brother so much, it means alot ( Don't know if that's true)to him. See I can't even think of anything to say. I am stuck!

NinjaFrodo · Post by **NinjaFrodo** » Fri Oct 01, 2010 2:01 pm

In response to THH;

Ok I hope you don't take this the wrong way but as I read your post I was like well its about time. It seems everybody but yourself has gone through ruts since we started going through the program again and I kept asking myself when is it going to be THH's turn.

Alright well that is really unfortunate that she is responding the way she is and it seems to really be bothering you. You didn't do anything wrong so the problem is really hers. You feel hurt and its very understandable with the whole situation with the wedding and such. You sound like you really want her to feel exactly how she made you feel but is that going to help? You dwell on it and I bet you are coming up with some really creative ideas to get back at her and I know what thats like.

So whenever we have a negative feeling it means that something is wrong and we need to change. We can either change our perception on it, our communication or our situation. You can't really change the situation as you can't get her fired or anything, changing your perception could help at least by changing some expectations and maybe some of the worry some what-if thoughts or you could be assertive with her.

Either way when it all comes down to it, there is some kind of need that isn't being met and once you figure that out and do something about it then you'll feel better. This might not just be something you can handle on a cognitive level, you may need to do some behavioral stuff.

Maybe this will help. I know the situation isn't the same but my sister is really angry at me and I really don't know why. She hasn't voiced her opinion and she does not even try to communicate with me anymore. I can only assume what her problem is but I don't know for sure unless I ask. I am not ready to deal with this yet but part of my plan is to go over some of the information in the "feeling good" book which talks about how to handle that kind of communication. In the same way you talk about not giving your husband's sister ammunition. Part of this is partially accepting names being thrown at me, and asking many questions to get more information as well as to get her to figure stuff out on her own.

I don't know if that was helpful but I hope it was. I at least hope that me reading it was helpful.

Mike

THH · Post by **THH** » Fri Oct 01, 2010 2:50 pm

Mike,
Oh it was very helpful! Thank you for reading and replying.

I have been thinking, my only way is to change my perception, and look deeper.
I'm in that process right now.
I maybe having a break though

When I think of myself having strengths and weakness, I think my strength is my weakness. My strength is I am a good friend, I'm strong, loving, caring, I want to help, I'm positive and trying to live a peaceful life.

Last conversation, she wanted us to do something and I stood up to her. First time ever! I gave her my shoulder or back so to speak. She does not want to deal with me as I showed strength. I challenged, stood up for myself.
She bypassed me to put guilt direct on my husband, oh you should go do this, so and so is in town. So my weakness said, this is personal, against all my strengths (all the caring things I wrote before) She turned her back on me by going around me. ( all the things I feel I am ) and the reality is she don't even know me.
She didn't do anything to me, in her world she does not recolonize her own problems, and how she is being to me.( Mean, a Witch)(Negative) She is not being sensitive, caring ect. To me. I let her make me feel rejected. I made it personal.

The truth is I have never done anything I regret to her, and have always treated her with respect. She has on the other hand given me a list of shoulds a mile long and measured us up to about everyone else in the family. She has pointed out all our faults and tryed to give us things to work on. I don't think she even realizes what she is doing?
So I'm working on this, I guard the inside of my onion pretty tight. In reality, there are only a few people who can really hurt me as I have let only a few of them really know me. (because they want to)
She is not one of them. She has her own problem and it is not me.
I like all most all of us on here, want to be liked and need approval from those we love. Sometimes that's not possible. That does not mean something is wrong with us. I am growing into a positive person I want to be, so I can't personalize my weakness.

Does that make any sense?

It is my turn. We all get one. Your funny Mike. See I am human as well. LOL...

THH · Post by **THH** » Fri Oct 01, 2010 3:03 pm

Mike,
You are right it is bothering me, but I'm feeling better as I was thinking about it all. And after reading your post.
Yes I did want to make her feel the way she made me feel, but I realized I can't she don't get it. I did think of the harsh words I could say, that I feel as in hurtful things that she seams to do to me. but then I will feel bad too. For along time, regret. I just want her to know how it feels. But she live it all the time. I can't let myself do that. I have come to far. I want peace for my goal.
You are very helpful and thought provoking as well. Thank you Mike, for being here!

NinjaFrodo · Post by **NinjaFrodo** » Fri Oct 01, 2010 5:13 pm

I was thinking that myself. She lives in that negative way all the time so there isn't a point in trying to make her feel bad, she does it to herself. We're trying to be better then that and to magnify the positive feelings, not the negative ones.

Your welcome, you are also very helpful and thought provoking too.

Mike