Hi everyone,
I am new to the programm. I started about a month ago and I am on lesson 4 now. For me this is the most difficult lesson so far. I discovered that I have ridiculous high expectations for myself and also other people. I'm having such a hard time letting this go because it makes me feel like I don't care about it if I let it go. It's so weird.
This past week I was dwelling on the fact that a colleague at work told me I didn't do a good job on an assignment. I was so mad and hurt.The whole day I was worrying and I couldn't stop stressing about it. One time I replaced my neg. thoughts with positive ones and then I didn't even think about replacing the thoughts anymore. When I got home I was eating and I had a panick attack. Thankfully it didn't last long and thanks to the programm I calmed down.
Two days later I was going to bed and start worrying about something and my heartbeat starts racing. It took my an hour to get my heartbeat down again.
These last few days I have been feeling kinda strange. I don't feel anxious or depressed but it feels kind of like a lost feeling.
Before this all happend I was feeling great. I felt great, I didn't think about anxiety. Now it feels like I'm back at the beginning.
Does this sound familiar to anyone? Do you guys have any advise how to deal with this?
How to deal with setbacks
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cream cheese
- Posts: 104
- Joined: Tue May 22, 2007 6:33 pm
Nugget, We all have those moments where a boss or co-worker will critisize and make our work day a living hell. I am a nurse. I battled with doctors, coworkers and patients alike. With my patients it was mostly trying to get them to be compliant with care. No one likes be told what to do and it seems its getting moreso as time goes on. I will stop and gather my thoughts as the person is rambling on and on and I look them directly in the eyes and say calmly " I appreciate your concern over this matter, if we both work together we can alleviate the problem much better" Working together is better than one person trying to beat themselves up and lose sleep over it. If the person says "Its your problem" Then I know that this person doesnt have a clue in solving ANY kind of problem because they cant and wont. They dont want the responsibility and feel they could dump it all on you. THEY ARE the problem in a way. With nursing, teamplaying is key. Minds melding on a problem is more progressive and more likely to get solved faster. I hope I helped you out a bit...although sometimes I ramble on myself. Good luck with the program...dont give up on yourself. YOU are the one that will cure yourself of this primarily. But supportive people in your life are a great benefit also, I hope you have some at your beckoning. creamcheese
Thank you cream cheese.
Lesson three was really an eye opener for me but it is so hard to replace those negative thoughts with positive ones. Especialy in situations like that.
I know it doesn't happen over night. It takes time cause i've been thinking this way almost my whole life.
I have not told anyone about my anxiety issues because I am embarresed. I only told my sister but she doens't even care. Ever since I told her she hasn't even asked me how it is going.
But the forum has helped a lot!
Lesson three was really an eye opener for me but it is so hard to replace those negative thoughts with positive ones. Especialy in situations like that.
I know it doesn't happen over night. It takes time cause i've been thinking this way almost my whole life.
I have not told anyone about my anxiety issues because I am embarresed. I only told my sister but she doens't even care. Ever since I told her she hasn't even asked me how it is going.
But the forum has helped a lot!
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Paisleegreen
- Posts: 1778
- Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2010 5:27 pm
I think that is what is so hard in the work place. Is that there always seems to be a competitive edge to it and people are not always "nice". And some no matter what you do are not going to be pleased. That is why this program is so helpful and this forum. I haven't had to be in the work place for quite some time, but when I started volunteering I get criticism from the paid workers that I'm helping.
It doesn't matter what I do, this person just has to say something at the end of the night that I just become dumbfounded over. I only see this person once a week, but for some reason she just has to say something negative or something that throws me for a loop. I just realize that I am Okay and know that I'm doing what I'm there for and I get to home and do what I want while she remains for a few more hours and has to come in next week and answer to her bosses.
I was at first embarrassed about my Panic Attack but finally had to tell some of my relatives because I was having family stay at my house and I was stressed over it, and we weren't prepared for the company and had a lot of physical work to do. I was able to stress less when I told my niece about my concerns and she reassured me that my BIL won't be checking out my backyard and my sister was becoming forgetful, so she won't remember anything.
This eased my mind, although, seeing my sister start to lose short term memory was sad to see. But it all worked out in the end. Although there is more to the story, I won't go into detail right now.
It doesn't matter what I do, this person just has to say something at the end of the night that I just become dumbfounded over. I only see this person once a week, but for some reason she just has to say something negative or something that throws me for a loop. I just realize that I am Okay and know that I'm doing what I'm there for and I get to home and do what I want while she remains for a few more hours and has to come in next week and answer to her bosses.
I was at first embarrassed about my Panic Attack but finally had to tell some of my relatives because I was having family stay at my house and I was stressed over it, and we weren't prepared for the company and had a lot of physical work to do. I was able to stress less when I told my niece about my concerns and she reassured me that my BIL won't be checking out my backyard and my sister was becoming forgetful, so she won't remember anything.
This eased my mind, although, seeing my sister start to lose short term memory was sad to see. But it all worked out in the end. Although there is more to the story, I won't go into detail right now.
I was just stressing about this too Nugget28. My coach told me to do the following:
1. Identify the should
2. Is it realistc?
3. Do I want to keep it?
4. If yes (like you said, things that are important)then modify it.
4. Make an action plan to reach it as a goal, not a should.
5. When the should pops into your head, you can replace it with "I am...." because you are working your plan to reach that goal.
1. Identify the should
2. Is it realistc?
3. Do I want to keep it?
4. If yes (like you said, things that are important)then modify it.
4. Make an action plan to reach it as a goal, not a should.
5. When the should pops into your head, you can replace it with "I am...." because you are working your plan to reach that goal.
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Bob-o Bingo
- Posts: 40
- Joined: Tue Dec 21, 2010 9:59 am
Nugget28,
Don't freak when I say this... but you're sounding so normal, I have to wander what you're doing on here--LOL. I agree with you about the same "about a month" time frame, and lesson 4 being the most difficult so far. Could I be normal too? Nawww.
Doggone it anyway, I feel like I have the same feelings you mentioned when you said "These last few days I have been feeling kinda strange. I don't feel anxious or depressed but it feels kind of like a lost feeling." Yup--me too.
And I also feel like I'm back at the beginning. I'm kinda floating around somewhere between weird and average normal. ARGH--I don't even know which of those two I'm closest too! I don't know if or how to deal with these feelings...
MERRY CHRISTMAS ANYWAY, TO YOU AND YOURS!
Don't freak when I say this... but you're sounding so normal, I have to wander what you're doing on here--LOL. I agree with you about the same "about a month" time frame, and lesson 4 being the most difficult so far. Could I be normal too? Nawww.
Doggone it anyway, I feel like I have the same feelings you mentioned when you said "These last few days I have been feeling kinda strange. I don't feel anxious or depressed but it feels kind of like a lost feeling." Yup--me too.
And I also feel like I'm back at the beginning. I'm kinda floating around somewhere between weird and average normal. ARGH--I don't even know which of those two I'm closest too! I don't know if or how to deal with these feelings...
MERRY CHRISTMAS ANYWAY, TO YOU AND YOURS!
Bob o Bingo,
It's been a while since lesson 4. At that time I felt: " feeling kinda strange. I don't feel anxious or depressed but it feels kind of a lost feeling"
When I look back that "lost feeling" was me adjusting to feeling more peacefull. I had been feeling panicky, scared and anxious for so long every day and every night that I wasn't used to feeling non-anxious. How to deal with those feelings? Just let them be and remember that this is a process.What your feeling is normal. There are gonna be some setbacks but you will get through them. Step by step
Yes I sound normal because I am normal LOL
So are you!, we just have anxiety:-D But I know what you mean. One of my biggest problem is exercising and believing that a panic attack will not hurt or kill me. It's been difficult but I am getting there.
It's been a while since lesson 4. At that time I felt: " feeling kinda strange. I don't feel anxious or depressed but it feels kind of a lost feeling"
When I look back that "lost feeling" was me adjusting to feeling more peacefull. I had been feeling panicky, scared and anxious for so long every day and every night that I wasn't used to feeling non-anxious. How to deal with those feelings? Just let them be and remember that this is a process.What your feeling is normal. There are gonna be some setbacks but you will get through them. Step by step
Yes I sound normal because I am normal LOL
So are you!, we just have anxiety:-D But I know what you mean. One of my biggest problem is exercising and believing that a panic attack will not hurt or kill me. It's been difficult but I am getting there.
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Paisleegreen
- Posts: 1778
- Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2010 5:27 pm
oh I am sooo glad that you posted this Nugget! I have been telling myself that that "lost" feeling (I have been feeling a bit more depressed to but "lost" has set in too) was normal for working on this kind of healing and change but I had noone else's input on it. Now I feel such relief to hear, please don't take offense, that you all have felt this way too!! I try to do everything all by myself too much sometimes. Don't realize where I need to open up more until I read someone's posting on a given subject. I really needed some more validation on this feeling and process I have felt with session 4 and WHAM! Here it is 
Thank you! I am now starting session 5 but I feel more encouraged that I am thinking in the right direction, imperfectly but I AM doing it!!
YAY to all of us!! Thank you thank you thank you for being here! I AM so very grateful!
Thank you! I am now starting session 5 but I feel more encouraged that I am thinking in the right direction, imperfectly but I AM doing it!! YAY to all of us!! Thank you thank you thank you for being here! I AM so very grateful!
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ItsOkayThisIsGood
- Posts: 21
- Joined: Mon Jul 06, 2009 12:11 am
Re: How to deal with setbacks
I read this thread and it is interesting what you're all saying about the "lost" feeling ... maybe it actually IS an indication of less anxiety? Because when you're so used to thinking constant chaos and panic and badness, and then you start having a few breakthroughs -- it's like, what do you do? Maybe that's why I'm so depressed! It's like I'm trying to worry and what if myself like crazy, but I'm not really feeling it so much as I am just feeling "empty" ... I guess in time I will be able to fill up my life with something other than the anxiety and depression, but right now it just feels like I'm lost.