Post
by Guest » Mon Sep 28, 2009 5:43 am
Hi,
I have or have had PTSD(I'm doing so much better now) from family of origin issues including my mother having alcoholism, and then a number of events in young adulthood involving an F-4 tornado and my son's diagnosis with autism where he regressed and lost skills.
There is debate about PTSD and who really has it, etc. For example, can you compare my PTSD to a combat soldier's development of PTSD? It depends on who is doing the comparing. Leslie Haskins is a Christian writer who survived Sept. 11 when she worked in the World Trade Center. I'll spare you the graphic details of what she experienced, but I can promise you that she's someone who would acknowledge the devastation and trauma of what I experienced. She actually believes that her experience of trauma lets her understand all experiences of trauma. However, I am aware of a Social Work Professor who works with combat veterans who have PTSD, and he thinks that combat trauma is the only "real" PTSD. So, it's debatable. I think having an unpredictable alcoholic father would cause any child trauma, and just because it is not combat trauma does not mean it is not damaging. I think to say you had to witness someone dying to really have PTSD is like saying that emotional abuse does not cause damage because it does not leave a physical mark.
Here's some more of my opinion. Although I didn't realize that I had trauma from my family of origin, I most certainly did, and when these other traumas such as my son's development of autism happened, all of my past trauma got meshed with my current trauma, and I was overwhelmed and developed PTSD. For example, when the F-4 tornado roared through my community killing people, it wasn't just the tornado that bothered me, but the fact that this natural event represented the unpredictability and devastation often caused by my father's unpredictable rage in my family of origin. I didn't die in the storm, and was not injured, but something that I was deathly afraid of happened at a very bad time in my life on a symbolic date, and I just felt singled out by God. The worst had not happened because I didn't die in the storm, but I still got traumatized because I was vulnerable without good coping skills. These were childhood wounds resurfacing, and I remember even thinking things like, "This is too much, but I can't break. I wasn't killed, and I'll be giving a bad testimony to Jesus if I break down." That did not work for me to think that way.
In my case, I had to go to therapy to deal with all of my past issues so that I could separate out the traumas and heal. Now, when I have to deal with something with my son's autism, such as a rancorous school administrator that's not providing my son the services he needs and is trying to act like my authority, I deal with the situation in the present. In the past, I would have felt as if I were a child facing my violent dad. Now, I know that I am an adult, the school administrator is another adult that I'm trying to negotiate with and not my authority, and the situation is more workable and I can assert myself with little anxiety. So, that's the benefit of facing past trauma with appropriate help so you can actually move forward not to be stuck in the past. So, I believe that there are different levels of trauma and different types of trauma, but I tend to look at most things from a trauma perspective, and that has been beneficial for me in my healing.
Whether or not you have PTSD, right now you are dealing with a very difficult family situation, and you definitely have symptoms of trauma from your past experiences with your family. It is possible that you have PTSD, but no matter the diagnosis, you need appropriate help and support to heal. I would seek out a good family therapist trained in good boundaries and trauma issues. Though you may never have been sexually abused, etc., a therapist who is known for treating child abuse survivors tends to go deeper in trauma issues. For example, one of my most helpful therapists that I had worked at a local Woman's Center that helped rape survivors. I know it doesn't seem obvious, but you really would be helped by learning healthy boundaries. The books "Boundaries: When to Say Yes and When to Say No" by Dr. Henry Cloud", and "Boundaries: Where you end and I begin?" are great books on boundaries and will help with the co-dependency. Another great Christian book on co-dependency is "Please Don't Say You Need Me." Maybe you could get some of these from your local library, have them inter library loaned, or get them from a church library. I say it to everyone on here about healthy boundaries, because it really is a major key to healing, especially from a dysfunctional family of origin.
I would also like to say that there is never any reason to be afraid of having a label like PTSD. PTSD implies that you already survived something that was horrific. That means that you are a strong survivor who has great and vast internal resources. I used to look at myself through all of these different psychological labels, and that's not good for several reasons. One reason not to do that is because if you were raised in dysfunctional home, your identity development is often based on surviving. In other words, surviving becomes your identity, so when you start looking at your identity through labels, you start to see yourself as a sick person when the opposite is true. You are a strong person who had some horrible things happen to you that caused you to have symptoms of anxiety that manifest themselves in different ways. These labels are basically for insurance companies to reimburse therapists,if you want to know the truth. I think what's most important is that you understand that you have some symptoms such as anxiety because of growing up in a stressful home, and now you are still undergoing stress with your family. PTSD and GAD means that you've been through a lot of stress, and you just need to know how to change your circumstances and build internal resources and coping skills so that these symptoms will go away. It's that simple.
Finally, I do recommend this program, but I will say that I don't agree that family of origin issues such as trauma related to a parent's alcoholism do not need to be addressed. Yes, it would not be good to go to a therapist who says, "Your family caused this and there's nothing you can do about it, and you should just be mad at your family forever." In truth, I wonder how much that really happens. The point is to acknowledge the truth, express your feelings and grief in a healthy manner, heal relationships when possible, develop healthy boundaries, find an unconditional source of love, and learn to live a healthy life. If a therapist is not encouraging that, then find another one, but that should be the goal. It's not to get stuck in the past, and I don't see that you are doing that by coming on here and acknowledging the truth about your family. I think it's a stepping stone in the right direction, and you need support from others to help you along. You can't get unstuck unless you acknowledge the truth and work through it and learn from it.
Often anxiety is just a messenger, no matter its form of PTSD, GAD, or Panic Disorder. Here's just one example. Let's say someone has been, God forbid, sexually abused by their father. Most children love their parents, and need them for survival. They don't want to hate their parents. The person has grown up and moved away from home, but feels like they aren't being a good child to their father unless they go visit their father on a regular basis. However, the issue of sexual abuse has never been addressed. The person gets in the car, out of guilt and begins to drive to their father's home, and all of the sudden gets a panic attack. The body and heart and soul is telling the person that it is not emotionally safe to be around their father until these issues are addressed. I'm not saying that happens all the time, but it does happen, and it's worth looking into. So, as hard as it is, just know that anxious feelings are often just messengers to let you know that there is a different path and that path is one of healing. When you address the core issues and learn how to manage anxiety, you then learn when to listen to your fear, when to push through it(for example, you are out of the abusive situation and your body just has some adrenaline left over so you need to use relaxation skills to get rid of the adrenaline that's no longer needed), etc.
Take care,
luvpiggy
I've been through a lot the past 5 years or so. My father is an alcoholic and has been for 22 years of my 29 year old life. And even though I worried most of my life about it, I used to be able to look past it and get on with my life till about 5 years ago. About 4 or 5 years ago, he started to get really bad! He drank way too much and was getting drunk to the point of unresponsive at times. I had just started a relationship with