Stress Center Peer Support

You'll all have to wait until tomorrow before I put up the stuff I've been working on with my values and beliefs! Its pretty amazing actually how powerful it can be to look at these things.

I have also worked on changing sleeping habits, the habit of pushing myself too hard as well as avoiding relaxation (I put those 2 together). I will only post these things if people are intrested in reading or using it. I only have so much time in my day and I do not want to waste that time.


Mike

Hi everyone.....Im still here lol
life has been difficult the last month...its been 1 yrs since I had my ex arrested for domestic violence and ended the relationship.....with the holidays he of course contacted my kids, since he does not have my new phone numbers...it still amazes me how easily I find myself back in the trap with him, believing his untrue degrading words.....

Christmas was very good...but new years was not very good here.....kinda just got caught up in the thoughts that its now been 1 yr and Im still questioning if my life is better or if Im even better off...I still so easily fall into the bad anxious habits and way of thinking....

I also have made a friend with a very nice guy who actually treats me very well.....I am able to talk to him about my issues and anxiety....he helps me alot but can sometimes be a bit overzealous, as he has sent me into a panic attack lol.....I really like him, but I dont think it will ever be more than a friendship because I just dont have the chemistry with him.,..although he has told me he really likes me and would like more....he doesnt pressure me, but I do feel some guilt....almost like Im being unfair to him.....but I have been straight-forward and honest about my feelings and what I am capable of offering him, which is a friendship....

well....I just wanted to jump back on here and get back into the program and forum....I have started listening to my lessons again and have done the relaxation tape a few times in the last few days....

also kept myself busy cleaning up and painting the basement so that I would have a better work-out area....so I am planning on getting back into that as I have slacked off over the last 6 weeks....I have really slacked off in several areas lol

hope everyone is doing good and I have been trying to catch up with everyone's posts

karen good to hear from you. been so sad not seeing anyone on here but I know with the holidays we have been busy.I too need to step up and start working toward getting better. I am afraid of staying where I am I have been here for years. Just because I can function alittle is not good enough. I need to not have no limitations but where to start?

a year later and what gets delivered this afternoon?? a dozen long stem red roses with "I hope one day you can forgive for all the hurt I have caused...".....must admit, I was a bit flattered at first....talked to my counselor.....now the roses are trashed and sitting on my front lawn....counselor had to really insist that I am worth more than a dozen roses.....and that he needs to get the point....she said I will feel better tomorrow.....a year later and my heart still carries so much hurt.....but I do agree Im worth more than infrequent acts of thoughtfulness.....

forever young

you need to just start at the beginning with one little step

Hi Karen L Good for you! I'm glad you did what the Therapist suggested. I'm so proud of you and working on your new relationships and being honest with them. You are going great! Glad to hear about the clearing out of the basement. I need to work on my bedroom. Keep on posting! Paislee

Hi forever young 06 --Yep, I ended up sick with a cold or flu...still not up to par but enough to check the boards. Take Care ! Paislee

thanks for the positive re-inforcement Paisleegreen
glad you are feeling better

Mike,
I do feel satisfied with the results I am seeing with the effort I am giving. I have made realistic progress and gave realistic time to spend doing it. Working it also takes time, practice, and paying close attention to what I am thinking and why?
I am breaking some bad habits in my thinking, and what little changes I have made have huge responses in my general being. I have more to tackle but I feel I am going in the right direction.

I love your motivation and your right, if you are tired of thinking the same old way and always being disappointed and up set one must use that as motivation.

For me I have cracked a small hole in the wall and I can see out. I have to keep making the hole bigger to get in the other room. I don't feel rushed but refreshed and excited to learn more.

I feel this year will be a good one!

Thanks for keeping us focused and challenging us with great questions! When do you want to move to the next lesson?

I also seen myself with that perfection curse over the holidays. I feel pretty sure that is what triggered my obsessive thoughts! I will have to watch for this in the near future to see if it is a pattern for me.


Karen, Glad your still here! Also glad to here you had a nice Christmas. YAY!
What are you questioning when you don't believe that you are better off now?

Friends are good. Enjoy having someone different to spend some time with.

LOL...I was a florist 13 yrs, I think I would of kept the roses for some of the past things I dealt with rather than tossing them out! LOL... For me it would take more than roses, but I would enjoy them just the same! Yea, a box of roses don't change a person. I'm sure it confused you.

Keep up the fight one day you will be glad you did invest all this time. Heres to this New Year, New beginnings...1/1/11 can't start any better than this!

Forever & Paislee,How are you guys, glad to see you here!

Hi THH
i guess I was just questioning my choices in general....I think it all came down to my unrealistic expectations that my life would be so much better and I would be so much happier after 1 yr...so, when that year came n went I was very disappointed....but I am now seeing that this really were just unreal expectations...I am trying to stay positive and see the postive steps and changes I have made over the last year....I think alot of my issues of the last several weeks did revolve around my ex.....I did love him....and I just need to accept I do deserve better and that eventually, when the time is right, I will find someone...think Im still learning that I have to be happy with myself and my decisions first....

also, I think I had some unrealistic expectations of the new guy that Im friends with....he is totally different from my ex, physically, emotionally, etc.....I thought maybe if I met someone who was really nice to me I would learn to have feelings for him.....and I do really care about him as a friend......but Im also seeing that I cant make myself find him attractive and make myself fall in love with him...I guess I just thought if I did the oppostite of what I did in the past that would make me happy.....but Im leaning that I cant make myself fall for someone......but I do have a great new friend

you were a florist?? how cool!! I know that was such a waste of some beautiful flowers but I really believe I had to do that....because as long as I kept them I would be basking in the "hah, he still wants me"....instead, now I am saying "it doesnt matter if he still wants me, I deserve better"......does that make sense?? but thats why I couldnt keep them...I couldnt even keep the vase because I am way too sentimental with things....

yes, a new year for a new beginning
I have so much reading to catch up on everything that has been going on in everyone's lives.....but you sound great!! and that makes me happy

Hi Karen,
I think I would write down some thoughts on what you think your life should be like, and what it may mean to be happy. Mike always puts those kind of things down and they are great to read. I find for myself that when I write those things down I get a feel for where I am getting hung up. Just a suggestion.

That is a good realization about being happy with self first! This to me is where it all starts.

In my thinking any how, it is hard to start a new relationship before you really resolve an old one. Some people seam to do it, but I never could. Now mind you I have been married a long time now, but I was in a long bad relationship before I met my husband. It was a easy year and still had some hang ups for another year. Just emotional baggage that I didn't even realize I had. There is a time when I knew I was over it, really over it. It will happen for you too, with time and new changes.

I was a floral designer for 13 years!
Don't mind me, you did the right thing, I was joking being a florist and all!

My old boy friend used to get drunk and come over at the wee hours in the am. I never would let him in, and one time he was out in the yard sleeping when I went to work. Its pitiful and it plays with your emotions. I just kept walking...

Keep on working on yourself, amazing things start to happen. I do feel much better, I still get stumped, but if I break things down small enough I can see what I'm doing and change it.
This is going to be a good year! ( For you too~!)
P.S. You changed your picture, you look good!

I have finally listened to lesson 10.......obsessive scary thoughts and what an eye opener.....this is exactly where I am stuck.....what a concept that I so want to avoid my issues that I subconsciously begin having obsessive scary thoughts.....I listened to the tape several times and it was like a lighbulb went on.....funny how I was anxious and depressed and felt 80% better after listening to the tape.....

yesterday was rough as Steve (ex) showed up.....and yes, the flowers were still on the front lawn....it was kind of a sad sight, he was so withdrawn almost sulken......and I started to feel sorry for him......but I just told him to go, it was over....said he was moving to PA, but we will see, he has played that card with me before....

my counselor actually came over in the afternoon to talk about the incident....I was anxious and depressed.....and this lasted several hours....my body actually ached from the depression.......but then I pulled out the tape.....what a difference....

my avoidance is change....change in general...which does include Steve....Im afraid of change first because I cant control it.....second, and more inportantly, I think I fear it because it may actually be good and I may actually find happiness.....then what would I do?? function?? and not be stuck where I am at?? spent several hours just thinking...letting my mind wander randomly....but it was good....so I will listen again to the tape and just see what follows....

btw, I absolutely love the story about the ski lift and the martial arts guy fearing he will push the other person off the lift....my God I laugh so hard every time, even laughing now just thinking about it.....I see how laughter plays such an important part in our recovery.....


THH

funny that you bring up the writing.....I wrote several pages out last night just kinda random, but I will try the more direct approach as you suggested I actually alot of times use this forum to just journal also

you are so right about waiting til Im over one relationship....I am alot like you.....I dont want to use someone for a rebound cuz thats just not my nature (imagine my guilt lol) and I dont like to take things out on someone new thats left-over baggage from someone else....so Im with you on that.....I guess I must have subconsciously gave myself a year to get over the relationship.....then when that year was up and I wasnt over it I really beat myself up....at least I am now seeing this and realizing I cannot put a time limit on feelings...

thanks for being so positive you really do help me see the light at the end of the tunnel

funny how pathetic a grown man can be when he is a drunk....very very sad...

small pieces seems to be the only way I can actually get to the root of my issues....but Im realizing thats ok....I dont need to conquer everything in one day....its better for me to really break it down so I really see and understand each issue

this will be a good year!! this is our year

oh, and thanks soooo much for the compliment....that pic was from a week or so before the holidays....my youngest child's b-day is Dec 17 and we had a party for her I have actualy been spending the time to do my hair and some make-up....also bought some new clothes...so I do feel better about myself physically thanks so much for noticing