Stress Center Peer Support

How often does this happen to you? There are many times when we say...I always screw up or I bad things always happen to me...Watch this video and then reask yourself that question.

Everybody
I realize we have been on lesson 10 for awhile and I know nobody has complained or questioned this but I'd like to let you know that I am aware and I figured its getting close to christmas so we are all getting busy preparing. So we'll be on this lesson until the new year but I still encourage people to post and share their experiences. Maybe post about some questions or whatever and keep checking in because I still have things I'll be posting.

THH;

Thank you! I'm very very very happy to share that!

I will tell you a secret to doing this! Before you start to really get into it, disturb yourself! In other words you think about what your experiences have been with these negative thoughts, you think about all the pain it has caused you, think about all the guilt, all the dissapointment and all those challenging times you've had, think about all the panic attacks and then think about your life if you continued to go along with all those negative thoughts and feelings...think about what your life would have been like if you dragged all that crap with you until you were 80...think about all the opportunities you would miss, think about all the joy you would have given up...Picture it and feel it...and then start to do this stuff on paper! What this will do is give you a tremendous ammount of energy to change this as well as the creativity as well. Your mind will not want to stay there and it will do whatever it can to stop it. Oh and keep in mind, do not say things like its ok or its not that bad because it will rob you of this motivation.

Also it is alot of work to do this and it will take some time. However surviving and enduring anxiety and depression has taken alot of work too no? I'd say put and hour or 2 a day towards this and eventually you'll get it done and you can definately use some of my stuff that I have posted and will post. Oh and create the new beliefs so you don't need anybody else in order to create the positive ones and then you won't be as bothered or expect what you aren't getting from someone else but still feel it if you do get it from them.

That makes sense with your love issue. It sounds like one of the main beliefs you have is if you give love then you should get it in return. It also sounds like you believe that love must be earned too. Is that right?

I'm not sure how your car and stuck in the snow thing ties into what you quoted from my post.

Well if it was no beliefs then you'd never feel love at all and you probabbly wouldn't even know what love was or even hear the word. So I'm going to go with the false or irrational beliefs.



Paisleegreen;

Ok so if i'm getting this right you are saying that I am right in you feeling worry, I'm right in thinking that DD & DH find that the only way to motivate you is through this worry, and I'm right about the possiblity that you could have reacted in the wrong way because of your anxiety...is this right?

How about the other things that weren't yes or no questions? Which were;

Is there any other way that might motivate you? (maybe i could have worded it as what else motivates you besides the worry?)

And what do you think are all the reasons why he over reacts?

Ok looking forward to your post.


Last couple of days

I have noticed some really awesome things since I rewrote my rules for the positive feelings. Since I did that, I feel a constant feeling of satisfaction, I enjoy songs I hear and I feel more love towards other people and the things that I do. I'm more encouraged and my anxiety level has been cut down significantly. I still however worry and feel guilt about some things and am afraid to fail but i'm still working on those ones and I think it's going to take more work then the positive ones but thats fine, I have many diffrent approaches I can take.

I have wrote replace 30 beliefs I have with guilt with things that are more realistic and empowering. I still have some guilt even after writing them down but nothing near what it was before but I think some of the other negative feelings are playing in there too and keeping those guilt feelings going. I can already feel a bit of doubt coming up likely from my fear of failure and worry as well. One of the guilt things I still feel is for other people's pain, I mean just hearing or seeing someone that is suffering and it not have anything to do with me. One of the feelings still playing big there is the feeling of hopelessness. So I"m hoping that will go away after I work on it but if not then I just have to keep trying. As always I will post my work to gives some ideas and help you guys out.

I've put my new beliefs about sleep and guilt on to audio format however you can barely hear what is being said so i'll have to redo it...but I will post the guilt audiofile for you to download if you wish.

I still haven't done lesson 10 in the workbook...that'll come sometime this week.

Mike

Hi Everybody,

Yesterday I had a big scare. I took some niacin (Vitamin B-3) and I had a huge reaction, my skin turned red , like if I had a bad sunburn, it was also itchy and felt like on fire. I had to call my husband to come home. At first I was not sure of what was going on. I called my doctor and he suggested to take some benadryl.
It finally went away after a couple hours, however my anxiety seems to be back, I feel as anxious as I was when I started the program.
It is going to take me a little to calm down.
Any suggestions?

Mike

It is a great idea to stay on lesson 10 until the new year. That will also give us time to review lessons 1 to 10 and be prepared for the new year.

Hope

"Do you think DD & DH find that this is the only way to motivate you to take action? Is there any other way that might motivate you?

What do you think are all the reasons why he over reacts? Is there a possibility that you may have reacted in a way that could be taken the wrong way or maybe you could have possibly not taken the other person's thoughts and feelings into considerate because you were so wrapped up in your own insecurities"

Mike--I know that I'm reacting differently than I use to be. For one thing, I'm no longer taking the anti-depressants I use to and I'm going through Menopause.

The anti-depressants kept me at an even keel, and yet, I changed them or discontinue using certain ones. But my family have changed due to their frustration. So I've changed as the "Status Quo" of the family dynamics have changed.

I no longer have time to myself as I use to. Alone time in my house that I use to have control over. I use to be able to have "my say" in what goes on in my household.
I'm being overrun by a young adult son who has anger and self-esteem issues due to having his heart broken a few times by a couple of first time girlfriends.

I have an older adult daughter who has had her heart broken very deeply by a guy who chose someone else over her after a long relationship. DH and I weren't always approving of this guy in the first place, so we weren't that sad to see him go away.

Now these two main young and sensitive adult children are running my house and our business.
My DD has always had DH wrapped around her little finger and she has always been a very sensitive and assertive person, to the point of obsessive and full of revenge.
She is very quick to respond with a sharp tongue and can be hurtful. She is one of my main stressors.

This son is very smart and has a lot of anger, but is sensitive as well. He is very giving and helpful, but is finding his way in this world. My heart broke when he overtook my family room space downstairs, but I understand it completely.

So I'm just trying to find my way in a new "scenario" after experiencing my first panic attacks and feeling the anxiety that I've never felt to this extent due to me not being on my anti-depressants anymore.

I'm also aging and my mind worries about the future. I've lived life long enough now to know that bad things happen and dreams don't always get realized. Also, that I have a whole new picture I must paint, as well as expectations.

So it is very painful emotionally, as I realize that DH loves me, but yet he isn't changing to try to be closer to me. I'm seeking a more peaceful and adventuresome lifestyle.
I'm tired of "junk TV", I'm not interested in eating junk food, (and I didn't eat that much in the first place) I don't want to eat greasy foods, I don't drink caffeine, but my kids and DH have caffeine laden soda pop and sweets.

My kids can get away with it for a bit, but not DH. Then I feel that I'm on the receiving end of their caffeine induced temper tantrums or irritability and probably depression or withdrawals.

I learned a long time ago that caffeine might rev me up for the day, but I pay for it the next, by being irritable and exhausted.

DH has always overreacted, but I discovered that about him after we were married. So I have been tense around him my whole marriage as I would tip toe around him to be agreeable.

I was at my happiest when I returned to college out of state w/ my 4 children. I was being socially, mentally, physically and emotionally fulfilled or "in shape".

Because most of my wants or desires weren't considered when I first got married. We ended up buying a business I didn't want and living where I didn't want to be.

Now I understand that all these things happen in life, and we paid for it. Buy I'm not a young person anymore, and I have had to live my life due to the decisions and mistakes that DH makes. I've conformed to get along and to please him and my parents.

Now I'm older and wiser, and I'm speaking up for myself. I know that eventually my son that lives at home is going to move out. DD eventually will get married to a nice guy, I hope. So she isn't going to be as involved in our business.

So I'm going to be w/DH in an empty house and him around more often, because he is so introverted. He isn't one to exercise, unless it is part of his work and to socialize w/o me isn't going to do.

Something has to change, I'm lonely in my house right now with people around. They don't say anything to me, even if I'm in a good mood. Their world revolves around them and the business we own. I'm just the mother...

I do volunteer work and find it satisfying and brings me much joy and happiness. I just wish there was more I had in common w/ my children and DH.

Hi Hope--I'm sorry about the niacin attack. That would be frightening, indeed.
I posted a longer posting to address Mike's question. I hope it wasn't too long for him to read.

I'm just trying to find my way around here in my "Empty House" or lonely even when people are in it.

But I did have the bath guy come in and go to my master bedroom and bath. He gave a good bid, although DH went to the other bath people's website to see the pricing. Of course it would be cheaper as It wouldn't be the best work done or product.

I experienced a lot of stressful feelings in my gut--as I could hear DH talking to DD about something derogatory and I thought he was talking about me cuz I'm so Sensitive right now. So DH after I confronted him in front of DD and DS that is married, asking if he was making fun of me.

He answered in his sarcastic and angry way that I was paranoid. Of course, I AM!
Geez! If I wasn't then, life would be hunky dory! Right? I'm thinking that last question to myself right now as I write this. LOL!

I just went through a stressful and embarrassing situation that my Psychologist wanted me to do. And that was to "work" on this "bathroom/shower" remodel together w/DH.

Its everything that I feared and uncomfortable as well. Now I will have to argue w/ DH about why I want to have to first bath/shower guy and his product in my shower. Not the second rate product. I feel that I'm worth it.

Anyway, stressful and I was feeling the symptoms last night as I slept. :p

I got a jar of dirt! I got a jar of dirt!

Mcshope

I had that same reaction when I took the siberian ginseng and it scared the crap out of me. I had 3 times where my face and upper body turned red and felt like it was on fire! The first time this happened i was in a chinese take out place and i thought i had an allergic reaction but then it happened while working out and a 3rd time when I wasn't doing anything but sitting down. I figured it to be the siberian Ginseng because I never had that reaction before i started taking it and i never have had it since I stopped and I'm fine taking the american or canadian ginseng.

The itchiness is your body trying to push things out through the skin...and in your case it sounds like it is the vitamin B3.

Where is your focus now? Are you feeling worried?

I hadn't thought about reviewing lessons 1-10 but thats a great idea!


Paisleegreen

I know you have alot on your mind and that you are going through many struggles and you have the right to seek help and understanding and the right to put anything down in your posts and I don't mind responding to them but when I see such a long post the first thing that happens is I get overwhelmed, want to put off reading it and then I avoid the forums and don't respond to anybody. I still want to respond but is it possible for you to maybe condense the message?

I can understand about family getting frustrated and changing how they respond and then you changing how you respond. I've had this issue with some friends as the condition is a very frustrating condition. They tend to not be as understanding! Sounds like you are feeling powerless and as if your opinion on many things is not being respected. Is that right? One thing that is in the book (yes i remember you don't have it), talks about the 4 things that keep us stuck in anxiety and depression....1 is perfectionistic attitude, 2 is expectations, 3 is lack of assertiveness and 4 is victim thinking! Do you see how these may play in your anxiety and depression?

What kinds of changes would you like to see your husband make in order to feel closer to you?


Mike

Current Values and Core Beliefs (Continued)

My negative or moving away from values
1)Guilt
2)Panic
3)Worthlessness
4)Shame
5)Inferiority
6)Failure
7)Worry
8)Embarassment
9)Overwhelm
10)Hopelessness
11)Jealousy
12)Disappointment
13)Lonely
14)Anger
15)Frustration

Ok so this is going to be a little diffrent. I am finding it harder to replace these values which makes sense since Tony Robbins had mentioned that we are more motivated by pain then pleasure. Thus making it harder to give these up and change them. So what I've had to do is write out everything I can think of that would cause me to feel that feeling. Instead of asking myself the question of "What has to happen in order to feel _____" I now ask "What are all the things that make me feel ____". I write them all down and then I use some of that thought replacement techniques to change them. Then I use that as an affirmation script and then I come up with a new overall belief or rule in order to feel that feeling.

So how the posting is going to work is I will be posting the value and all the things that can cause me to feel it, the replacements to all those and then the new rule. To keep it from being too overwhelming, I will post 1 value at a time.



Mike

Hi Mike--I figured it would be long...but I'm just expressing myself, I actually revised it.

Even if you can't get to it, it helped me to put it down. Then I can go back and delete, which I probably will do with some of my postings.

My computer is in a public place in my house and people are coming and going, so I sometimes have to get what's on my mind out so I can close my email.

Also, my hands are hurting to do any type of writing. Just as you said about the joint areas between the thumb and wrist bone.
I'm not taking any pain killers. So typing is easier for my thoughts.

P.S. I have Panic To Power now and just finished reading about just what you posted. It was very helpful. Thanks, Paislee

Mike,
I have found a key in my past that I now see. It is such a amazing revelation I need to digest it more in depth. I should wait to write about it but its so good I want to share.
Talking to my Aunt ( my moms sister ) today, she was reminiscing about her childhood. She talked about sooo many things I am not going to post them.
BUT...beliefs came to my mind as I was raised with soooo many.( much of irrational beliefs) Remember you saying how abuse affects so many people, well, ding dang darn, BINGO.

That is where my perfection has come from, my beliefs, on and on. After my mother was abused she was removed from her home and stayed with a Aunt and Uncle, who raised her. They were of a extreme religious back round. ( you just do, don't ask why ) I never developed my "OWN" set of rules. ( So again Mike, good topic, I am going to work on mine!) I didn't know I could. I thought I was doing something bad by not following the family teachings? Guilt!( by not just pretending to know what they mean) But I never understood "really" what they were.

My belief that my mother was hard on me. Although she was in reality, I now understand her intentions were well meaning. She just plain didn't know how her actions were being perceived by me.( all the perfectionism & criticism) Now that I have been learning more and more about my mothers life, not by her but by her family, that she didn't know how to connect with people. I have been examining many of my own beliefs this is just great! I'll post my progress as I can put words in the right places. ( fill the waste basket a few times) Mike, your topic about rules & beliefs is pretty good for me. Thanks...


Hope,
OMG! I know exactly how you must of felt! I was on a antibiotic years ago and long story short, I ended up in the er with huge hives! They gave me a med pack and iv benadryl and I carry that name drug in my wallet so I can tell other health care people.

You had a reaction, and though you won't really know what part of it made you react, you know how that goes.
Its normal to be shaken up, take your benadryl and don't take that brand any more. Your body will recover!
Use your 6 steps and recognize you have some anxiety over the whole ordeal. It will pass, it always does. Be kind to your self! Your not going backwards just shook up some!

Loved Johnny Depp!

Has this ever happened to you,
It was great, esp. when those cups come falling out the cabinet! I've had many of those, and even though I have never reached for the gun, that would probably be the way that would go too! LOL...
I call those days calgon take me away days! I go to bed early and the next day is always better!