Stress Center Peer Support

Dear Diary,

I love coming to this very special place. It has a sense of calmness about it, doesn't it diary. A calmness and serenity that my daily self yearns for and strives for.

I also love reading the feedback and insight, and it is always right on. Spot on. (to be said with an english accent)

Diary, I'm not sure who Tiger Mom is, but I do so love Tina. SHE is my role model, along with R. and M.

I'm glad that I am getting to know Paislee, and I do so empathize with her over the loss of her son. The ripple effect will be felt for generations. There will be a "hole" in the fabric of Paislee's tapestry forever. I'm glad she has a safe place to talk about it.

Yes, I remember Tina mentioning the death of her daughter's friend, and how she was so proud of how her daughter handled it.

Suicide leaves the family tattered and torn. The one thing I know for sure, is that the loved one that is lost to suicide would not want the ones left behind to suffer from guilt. The dilemma is, how to not feel the guilt, and how to let it just slip through our psyche's. I don't think that many can do this, and therefor support groups would seem imperative. I imagine that it is a pain un matched by any other.

Ok Diary. I hear the robins outside my window. I've been busy spring cleaning today. I've washed all of the down comforters, and duvet covers and european shams, and am busy shaking out slip covers.

I'm needlepointing my favorite piece to date. (I say this about all of my pieces, mostly) I'm making a beautiful pillow of Hydrangeas (blues and purples) in a Nantucket basket. It will look stunning on my wing chair. I'm also going to take my antique wing chair out of storage, and place it in the foyer.

So, today my mind is busy with spring cleaning and decorating. Coco is at the groomer, and we are ignoring each other, but being civil. Golf is on which is good. I was so disappointed when the final 4 ended, as this was like a babysitter for me. haha.
I'm mean, diary, but what can I say. It's how I feel. I want to feel otherwise, but I just don't.

Todd needs furniture for his cabin. I wish I could ship him out so many things, as I could have the cabin decorated beautifully with all of my furniture in storage. However, that would cost a pretty penny that we don't have.

Diary, Tina mentioned having me patent you. This concept made me laugh, because, well, because it would be like patenting a part of me. But then I started thinking about all of the different possibilities of Dear Diary. I think I will google "patent" and see what is involved.

I'm sorry Diary, but yesterday's vent was SO HELPFUL. Once I vented, and figured out what was bothering me, it was gone.

Imagine that D.! Vent and presto, I felt better, of course with the help of the little children and Julie.

Ok. I'm boring you diary. Time to go.

Love,
Me.

PS
There is always a PS, isn't there diary?
Anyway, I will start contributing more on this site, when I feel I can. I'm a little bit afraid that once I do, I will be online too much, so I'm trying to learn to pace myself with my online time.

PPS
Soon I can start riding my pink bike again. Well, actually, I can right now. Maybe tomorrow. Typical.

PPPS
Dear Diary,
You've already been patented. I'm gasping. You've been stolen from me. I cannot believe it.
Sigh, well, you haven't, but someone stole your twin, that is for sure.
Diary, does that make you feel good? Or diary, does that make you feel bad?
www.deardiary.com
I don't know about you diary, but it makes ME feel bad.
Love,
Me.

Dear Diary,

This is me, in a metaphor.

"...........................Perfume is described in a musical metaphor as having three sets of notes, making the harmonious scent accord. The notes unfold over time, with the immediate impression of the top note leading to the deeper middle notes, and the base notes gradually appearing as the final stage. These notes are created carefully with knowledge of the evaporation process of the perfume.

Top notes: The scents that are perceived immediately on application of a perfume. Top notes consist of small, light molecules that evaporate quickly. They form a person's initial impression of a perfume and thus are very important in the selling of a perfume. Also called the head notes.

Middle notes: The scent of a perfume that emerges just prior to when the top notes dissipate. The middle note compounds form the "heart" or main body of a perfume and act to mask the often unpleasant initial impression of base notes, which become more pleasant with time. They are also called the heart notes.

Base notes: The scent of a perfume that appears close to the departure of the middle notes. The base and middle notes together are the main theme of a perfume. Base notes bring depth and solidity to a perfume. Compounds of this class of scents are typically rich and "deep" and are usually not perceived until 30 minutes after application................"

I've always thought of myself as the "middle note" but I thought that was the note that was never noticed. Who knew?
The middle note is the note called the heart.

That is my essence. The middle note.

Some people are top notes, quick to draw you in, but also quick to disappear. Some people are middle notes, which are never noticed at first. When people stop paying attention to the top note, they finally notice the middle note, the note with the heart.

The base note is the deepest note of all. The base note brings depth and solidarity to a perfume, and usually isn't noticed for atleast 30 minutes. But trust me, diary, the Base Note is the one that never leaves.

Tina, R. and M. are Base Notes. Paislee, hmm....I will need to learn which note Paislee is. She isn't the top note. The top note is a compliment at first. A very pretty note. But the top note is an illusion that evaporates quickly. Paislee isn't a top note.

I like my perfume metaphor.

Love,
Me.

PS Diary,
This song is for Paislee....

Tapestry

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s7q-1OAbNXg

So now I'll get myself into trouble. I think your perfume story refers to friendship, caring, etc. and I'm happy to be the base. But I remember reading pronouncements about friendship (probably back at LTT) that I tended to question. For one thing they seemed, in my view, unnecessarily judgmental. We just don't know what's motivating another or their experience or what's going on in their life. This speaks to two of the Five Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz that I refer to often: Don't take anything personally, and Don't make assumptions.

Your Dear Diary warrants the patent because it is so much more than a typical diary. And, yes, suicide is the worst. Yet life must go on, esp for other children. Brutal. Amy Chiu is the author of that book, "The Tiger Mother." Just saw a segment on the news of saving baby elephants whose mother poachers killed. I think I could work there and feed the sweet baby elephants.

Hmmm.
I'm not sure what you mean, Tina. Truly I don't. I know I wasn't well liked at LTT, and I was thrown off at the same time I jumped ship, so to speak.
Is that what you mean?
My perfume metaphor isn't about friendship at all. It is more about personalities. You are a person of strength with staying power. You are the lasting note. You are a loyal person, you stay till the end. Hence, the base note. The most powerful note.

I am in the middle. I can run away quickly, and vanish if I'm afraid, but I have a huge heart. I'm not noticed, and often go unnoticed, but I'm there.

So, your reference to LTT confuses me and saddens me. I guess that would make me the top note. The one that evaporates.
I tried very hard to not judge on LTT. I tried very, very hard to learn about other lifestyles. So, I don't believe I was judgmental, but am willing to listen if you think I was.

Somehow, I think you misunderstood my post, and got offended. I would rather die then offend you.

The 5 agreements.....

http://wakinggiant.wordpress.com/2010/0 ... guel-ruiz/

I like the first two agreements very much. I'm not crazy about the 5th one. I have much to learn about this subject.

OK. Wow. I love these agreements. I must learn more so I can realize my true potential. This will evolve slowly.

Dear Diary,
Hi, me again.
Sigh. I can't let this go. I want to, but I can't.

There was a time when I was judgmental. It wasn't on LTT, but around that time. I was judgmental, made assumptions, and I realize that now.

It's great to learn, and to be able to look at myself objectively, or as objectively as I can. Yes, I made a judgment, made an assumption, BUT, the worst part is, it was coming from a place of jealousy.

So diary, there you go. In the end, I was jealous. And hurt.

It's ok diary. Try very, very hard not to be judgmental again.

The 5th agreement is one that takes much evolvement, I imagine. I think one would need the "third ear" to reach that place, and I sure don't have the third ear. Well, sometimes I do. When I read back my diaries, sometimes I do have the 3rd ear.
BUT, I'm not a skeptic. I'm a believer. I don't want to be a skeptic. I wonder if I find a different word for skeptic, then can I practice the 5th agreement?

Let's see.....doubter? no, that's worse.
Non biased? better. Objective? best.

Maybe I can reach the 5th agreement by being objective?

Goodnight diary. I know, I know. I'm annoying you. God knows I'm annoying myself.

Love,
Me.
PS
Yes, the infamous ps...
I'm sure a giant tattoo of Nixon is lovely.

No, no, no. Never offended. It was not at all you making statements about friendship there. I think I remember who but I never spoke up, which was my problem.

Personality. I am not as reliable as you think, dear J. I ran away a number of times much to my chagrin. Now brother is the one with the staying power even though I think it cost him his soul. I'm typically unnoticed because I am physically small, can make foolish comments, joke sometimes inappropriately and so am easily misperceived. It was The Four Agreements for a long time. The Fifth is relatively new. I'm slow to understand it. And, yes, it takes some time to realize their full impact. Took me time too. They are from Toltec Wisdom.

PS. See your entry. Am with you re the Fifth Agreement. Have a companion book to the Four, but not the Fifth. Maybe it means learn to listen but don't suspend your own ideas about what you are hearing. Regardless, just love this kind of thinking and learning. Am sure others don't have that in their Diaries.