Stress Center Peer Support

I am more recovered everyday. No matter how negative I feel or what symptoms come up, I am still ok. I accept the reality of each moment and do not fight it. I have goals and I achieve them. When I feel frustrated I know it is a sign that I'm on the verge of making a breakthrough and taking a big leap on a goal.

Thursday;

Comment
Ok so today I wanted to post in a diffrent way. The way I used to spend my day was usually the same. I would wake up, go on the computer for hours. Make food, eat and walk to the gym...I'd workout, stretch and do classes depending on the day and then walk back home. Make food, go on the computer then go to sleep. This has changed since starting up with the program again here in the challenge and I feel it would be a great way to reflect and to see the changes I've gotten since we started. A way to create more motivation! So I'll be posting about how I spent my day. I'll give detail about certain things I did and some of the times when I felt panicky. I'm hoping this post will be very helpful to others.

My day
Woke up and listened to the relaxation cd. I drifted in and out with my thoughts but it helped to relax me

Did some stretching right after and I think it might be a better idea to warm up before I stretch so I can stretch further. I was resisting it a little but I just kept focusing on I'll be more flexible, how it will help with the hip-hop and how it will help to loosen up my really tight hips

I went downstairs and made tea for myself while I worked through lesson 4 in the workbook. That was a pretty good lesson and I felt alot more involved this time around as opposed to all the other times I've ever gone through it. I got really excited to write out my list of shoulds and then cross some of them out. It was pretty good.

Following this I did some cooking. I made some breakfast and I also made some other food for later on in the day. I was starting to feel like I needed to rush. I felt that I needed to rush or else I wouldn't get a chance to workout at the gym or have enough energy when I went. I kept reminding myself to slow down and take it easy.

I spent maybe an hour to an hour and a half on the computer posting on the site. It didn't feel as fulfilling this time around because I felt so rushed to get outside. I was confused as to weather I was pushing myself to get outside or pushing myself to stay on the computer. I got alot of anxiety being on the computer.

Since I felt so stressed and exhausted from the computer I used the relaxation cd for the 2nd time. This time seemed alot diffrent then before. I told myself that I will get to feel more calm, I'll grow on my ability to calm myself down and I'll grow with my visualization and when the PMR part came up I reminded myself that I really enjoy how it makes my body feel and there was some point in the session where I started to feel almost blissful. I enjoyed the relaxation cd which is big because I used to hate it in the past. I mostly hated it because I hated the obsessive thoughts about how I can't visualize and don't like the PMR. It was a great experience.

I got outside and started to walk to the transit station and instead of putting on music to "cope". I had left the house alot later then I had wanted to and so I felt more rushed. It was draining me and I wasn't sure how to handle it but I kept trying. I got to the station and got onto the subway and I practiced a little bit of hip-hop..well the footwork part. I then got on the wrong subway and went in the wrong direction. I got off and waited for the one going in the right direction and it was annoying because I had to let 3 subway cars go by because they were so jammed full of people that I couldn't get in there. I didn't over react too much as I kept in mind it is just an unrealistic expectation playing there because this is a normal occurance for the subway at rush hour. I was really far behind in my plans and I felt really exhausted from all that rushing thinking so I skipped out on the gym and decided to go the next day.

Went over to a friend's place and watched a bunch of tv shows, drank some beer and just chilaxed. It was fun and then we decided to go to bed at 11.


Negative thoughts
1)These people are certainly not the first season people on the show. They shouldn't be on that show.
->Those people worked hard and were choosen to be on the show. They deserve it and the people on season 1 are certainly not the only people that are good dancers. With lots of work I could also be on that show if I wanted.

2)I'll never be appreciated and loved the way they are on that show
->I certainly don't have to be on a show to get lots of appreciation and love. I also don't need all that appreciate and love. I am ok with a lesser ammount.

3)I need more sweet food or I'll get obsessive and anxious
->Its alot of sweet food that makes me more anxious and obsessive. I'm going to drink some more water, calm myself down and do something else to distract me.

4)I should rush, I have many things I want to do
->I have lots of time to get things done. Its also not an emergency if I don't get somethings done. I'm going to take my time so I can enjoy what I'm doing. I'll still be able to go to the gym.

5)I need to post on the forums now or I'll forget what I want to put up.
->I have a really good memory for things I feel stronly about so I'm not likely to forget however, I can write it down so I don't have to worry.


Mike

Oh and i found this video which was extremely inspiring. This just proves that just because someone puts a limitation on you, doesn't mean it is true.

inspiration


Mike

Mike,
Yes, I did not listen to it. The thought just went away.
I have not had time to find which tape yet, I have not forgot.
I've been having a good few days, and been really busy too.
Its nice not having those anxious feelings. I have been feeling quite proud at keeping in the present, and getting in between the negative thoughts and my reality. YAY!

I guess for me, I attached negative thoughts to a single "neutral" statement. So, I would write I have to go to the dentist. Then I would start thinking of past experiences that I would dwell on. Like I just had to feel it all over again. Then I would attach scary thoughts that NEVER did happen, but what if???? I could work myself up to really have a panic attack. Now in the thought I have to go to the dentist I just put a stop up. The end. If I need to do some self talk, I will say things like I have a great dentist, and if I have a big problem they will help me. They always have helped me.

For the prejudging I'm doing better too. I go into a observer mode. I'm waiting to get more facts before I let myself pre think or make a decision. I'm just practicing, and doing more practicing.


Mcshope,
Lesson 4 is good for me too. I really got alot out of shoulds. I learned alot about myself by doing that exercise. Most of my shoulds were other peoples, even I put some bad ones on myself, that I have corrected. It also helped me set some goals as I never really had goals for some reason. I still struggle with them a bit.
Good for you in noticing how most of your expectations were not yours.
I too wonder how I let this happen to me?

It can be exciting living in a new place. Starting over, feeling empty, I get that. You have to fill up your life with new things, and that can be the beauty of it, Its really now about you! I think we re-invent ourselves many times through out our lives. I get that comfort from many older people I know and love. They tell me life is all about starting over.

Negative thinking was a surprise to me, and much harder and deeper than I expected. Expectations is another eye opener from a different angle. Both of these I scored high in the book.

SeaRunner,
Glad your still here! I miss you, and all your lovely post. Whats happening that got you in a depressed mode? We all need to retreat to our dens from time to time. Don't make us come get you! you know how I hate driving over those scary bridges...LOL.
I actually thought of you, I got a email from a friend and it was of a bunch of scary bridges from all over the world. Some of them I would just have to walk! OR Crawl!
Hope you feel better soon!

I am on the road to recover and I will recover. I will use the skills I have learned daily because I refuse to let anxiety, fear, anger, and depression to control my life. I am changing and change is good.

I finally have made it to the next week lol...I need to go back and read to catch up again lol..

my counselor was over this morning and we addressed alot of rough issues for me....at one point my anxiety level was about a 7....but, she tells me how it is....it is me doing this to me...if I want to get out of this I have to get myself out of this.....sometimes I just get so tired of living in a daily struggle...Ive been falling back into the victim role, which is not good in my case...

I did alot of thinking after she left...I decided that I have to keep moving forward...I was able to keep my anxiety level down to about a 3 the rest of the day.....went to the store and for a drive this evening and the anxiety wasnt too bad.....think Im getting back on track

thanks everyone for helping me through this rough patch

OK Mike,
I didn't have as many things wrote down, but I too had the same theme as you,Be happy, more confident, cook more, make more money, get back to school.
When reading yours, I think you should ( lol) cross off more. like I should remember things better? Is that realistic?
I realize I don't want to go back to school. I never liked school the first time around! I also realized I don't like to cook. Why do it more? Sometimes I do, but to make 3 meals a day everyday? unrealistic! That was my idea of cooking more?
You have done very well at crossing off things on your list. Extra good on expectations for others. Thats hard and take your bow!

Wow that video really was awesome! It really shows what a person can do if they really want to. Thanks for posting.

Do you have your card for session 4?

3. Am I over-reacting is one I still must improve on.

"I feel so much better now that I have given up control of the universe."

Hi Karen,
Glad to see you over here!
It is so very hard coming to deal with this anxiety. Give yourself credit for doing so well. Everyday is a challenge. Some days are just better than others. You will get there, it just takes time.
In my beginning I didn't have near the things you are dealing with all at once. But I can relate as over my life, I was in a abusive relationship. My boyfriend actually hit me. I never left. He cheated on me. I never left. I worked and paid for the rent, the car, food. He partied. I don't know why I stayed but one day I rose above it all, and did not spend much time looking back. a couple years later I married a good man. We have been together 25 years.
Its hard. You will get through it and come out in such a better way. Be strong and believe in yourself !

I am on the road to recovery and I will recover. I will use the skills I have learned daily because I refuse to let anxiety, fear, anger, and depression control my life. I am a strong person and can do this!

Mike

The video was very inspirational, thanks for sharing
you have been a busy beaver and are also an inspiration excellent list of should's...alot of they shoulds that you didnt cross off would make good goals for you


THH

I am my worst critic and very hard on myself...this is one area that I really have to concentrate on...it's so easy to fall back in that trap, although I noticed that it is getting easier to recognize
thanks for the positive input

In response to THH;
It sounds like those thoughts were something you'd expect when it comes to secondary gains. Your mind was trying to use the anxiety as an excuse and you told it that you aren't going to listen. Thats good.

You're having alot more good days now a days eh? Thats pretty good. Which anxieties did you suffer from when you first started? Did you have generalized anxiety?

Sounds like you are getting really good at handling the negative thoughts. I like how you said when you say you have to go to the dentist you put a stop sign before all the negativity and thats the end. It looked really funny in my mind actually as if it was a short story that in my mind you'd see on tv. Today I'm going to the dentist...the end.

I prejudge way too much. I scare myself about other people way too much and I assume they will react very poorly. I'm working up to the same level as you. I guess its just a defense mechanism.

As for the should list. I was kinda iffy with what I was crossing off. I thought well I'd like to remember things better and maybe I can do things to do that...do you think It would be better to just cross it off and just let it happen? Don't you need to cook in order to eat? You think getting 3 meals a day is hard...I eat 4-6 a day!

No i don't have the lesson 4 card, do you mind posting it?

glad you liked that video. I like videos where people do some of the most impossible things!

You were in an abusive relationship too eh? I had no idea, I don't think i've seen you write about it before. I guess you don't obsessively think about it then?


In response to Karen L;
Ya sorry bout that, I wrote so much stuff. I hope its not too overwhelming!

Its not easy to live with this condition and I think we all get really tired of it and can fall back into victim role. You aren't the only one with this and its fine. Let yourself fall back, feel it and then get out of that hole and go back to working on getting better You'll probabbly have many times like this and its alright. sometimes these things can actually lead to more insight and further progress. I think most of us have already had rough patches through this go with the program so its alright. Glad to help and glad you liked the video! Yes I've put alot of posts up with a bunch of stuff and I just want to do what I can to help!



Mike

I am on the road to recovery and I will recover. I will use the skills I have learned daily because I refuse to let anxiety, fear, anger, and depression control my life. I am a strong person and can do this!

Mike

Please dont apologize.....it was not overwhelming at all....it was actually beneficial because if helped me to see all the shoulds I have that I didnt even think about

I never looked at my rough patches as learning experiences, instead I had "failed", which is the total wrong mindset....thank God your here to keep me on the right track and make sense of it all