Originally posted by writeitout:
I've identified my marriage as the major source of my anxiety and depression. Is anyone interested in a marriage forum? I need support for my decision to stay with my marriage, and develop coping mechanisms for dealing with the stress.
as cindylou said it so well, I won't reiterate. How long have you had the program? Lesson #4 "I will not should on myself, and I will not should on anybody else" Marrage situations are very toutchy, and as a forum can only hear one side. I can't see what any of us could do. The ups and downs in all marriages eb and flow with the growth of the marriage. emotions realy come in with marriages because no one can hurt you more than the one you love the most. no wear else is the compassion for yourself, and the person you love harder. P.M.S. deprssion, anxiety, are all very hard on marriages. this program is based on the Fact that we can only change outselves, we have no control over other people's choices, and that so includes spouses.
I can see the frustration you are showing with the few posts that do not agree with you already.
I would have to say. I don't think a hen party wear every one comes to complain about their spouse would be productive. There is a reason why marriage couceling needs both people. to learn to comunicate. This program, is about making changes in our personal thinking and acting, and taking responsibility for our own happyness, becomeing our owne safe place. Their is a reason their is no marriage forum, in each of your posts the reason is very apparent, you are still playing the blame game. We need to take ownership of our way of thinking, and as Mello explained. People (all people including spouses) have been trained by us, how to treat us, and we realy need to show them compassion, and give them space to learn to react differently to the new you. They did not have the luxury, of haven taken this class with you and they will not be growing with you at the same rate. So cut the guy some slack and allow your relationship some growing pains. You term it critical, but I believe you asked for imput as to weather or not a marriange forum would be helpfull. I don't think so.
[cindylou,
I deal with the same thing... my husband has unrealistic expectations of myself and the kids, but doesn't think he does! I would love to participate in a marrige forum.
Stacy D]
This situation lacks the understanding, compassion, and forgiveness, necessary to move forward, it needs a comunication forum. and as I began in this post. there is a lack of "I need to change the way I comunicate my needs, and allow people to treat me" Instead of "he is wrong and won't see it". We must take responsibility for ourselves only, we are the only ones we can change. Blameing, or even expecting others to change their ways is contrary to; us learning to cope with people who do not see their faults, and how we keep their choice from impacting us. "Be less affected, and more effective" Lesson #9, speakes to how we must stop being the victim of the situation, and make a change.
"I started counseling and realized he has NO CLUE how can he change if he doesn't think he is doing anything????? But how can we expect them to change??"
Vegasmomof4 ; is so right our spouses already learned to cope with our moods, and anxietys, now they need time and they need us to comunicate to them our needs, something I never did in 30 years. I always thought if he loved me he would just do things, like think of my needs himself. I learned men and women don't think alike at all. Men are predominently takers. and Women are predominently givers. but we all need appreciation. to offten that is missing, when we don't think enough of ourselves to let our spouses know our needs. it comes down to "you have not because you ask not, or you ask amiss. I also found that when I tryed to see it from his perspective, I was not listening or always thinking of his needs ither. I have found marriage needs constent upkeep.
I suggest your forum be on 'compassionet coping skills' with friends and family, or 'new comunication skills with friends, and family', I found that as I was able to take responsibility for my owne happyness,to be less affected, so I could be more effective, and stop the missunderstandings with direct, (unemotional) comunication. my husband began to understand I was changeing and at first I don't think he liked it, but now he is getting the hang of it, and it has made our marriage stronger and much happyer. I did catch on from the beginning I had no right to should on him. I had plenty of that going on in my owne life, and it took me time to stop shoulding on myself. Life is much eaiser now that I am not the only one that knowes how to turn the earth. and when I let go of some things that was weighing me down. I found out the world revolved with out my hand in it at all and when I gave my husband the honor of doing things his way it wasn't perfect but it always workd out just fine, that gave him the pride, and confidence, witch he has built on, and now his way is very nearly perfect.
Work the program, make the changes you need to make in you, You will be amased how much better the rest of the family will get. once you get happy!
i also went through this same bunch of bs with my husband. my change came long before this program. he was controlling, jealous,hateful pain in the @ss. i didn't have anxiety or depression at that time.i filed for divorce. shocked the hell out of him. i took my life back. he became nice. i stayed with him. but he was and still is my #1 stressor. he talks obsessively.repeats small talk over and over. has nothing nice to say about anyone. gives me nervous tension. i could go on and on. yes, i would love to have a marriage forum. lets do it 
dana