Dear Diary

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Paisleegreen
Posts: 1778
Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2010 5:27 pm

Re: Dear Diary

Post by Paisleegreen » Mon May 23, 2011 4:11 pm

Hi J! Wow, that sounds great about your education being paid for. I hope all goes well with getting hired. So sorry to hear about your annoying cold, they aren't fun to have when we want to have some fun! ;) Wow, that's a bummer you'll be working when you could be sailing! It sounds like it would be a lot of fun, I can picture it in my mind's eye. Maybe another opportunity will come about later in the summer. I like where you live and how warm the ocean water is so that would be a pretty exciting adventure. On the flip side you are helping others while you work and knowing how the universe works you could be sailing again in the near future! Have a great day! Paislee :mrgreen:

Paisleegreen
Posts: 1778
Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2010 5:27 pm

Re: Dear Diary

Post by Paisleegreen » Mon May 23, 2011 7:19 pm

Well, I'm back...not feeling very well. I've had a "discussion" with DS and I'm "floating" with the feelings. I'm not sure if I'm floating, but I'm working on boosting myself up. :cry: I guess this is my test...I don't feel very good...I feel sick to my stomach, I'm trying not to weep. There is noone to talk to...I've got to figure out a way to comfort myself.

Loveslife
Posts: 487
Joined: Tue Nov 16, 2010 6:33 pm

Re: Dear Diary

Post by Loveslife » Mon May 23, 2011 7:32 pm

What happened, Paislee?

Paisleegreen
Posts: 1778
Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2010 5:27 pm

Re: Dear Diary

Post by Paisleegreen » Mon May 23, 2011 11:18 pm

Well, it probably seem minor...but before I even talked to my son about a missing plastic dish pan I use in my sink, I asked DH about it. Already went through some discussion with him about things, ended up okay and I went about my business. I also went downstairs to DS's bathroom, because sometimes the toilet runs and I hear it on the main floor in my bedroom. I hear the well pump something going. So that means that water is running somewhere. Sometimes it just means someone downstairs is taking a shower. Or the outside hose is running, not good if it shouldn't be.

Well, I checked the toilet and it was running and I have been doing this several times and notice how dirty the bathroom is. Especially the toilet and I started to clean it and the sink, then part of the shower. I noticed that in the cupboard under the sink several gallons of very condensed degreasing type of liquid soap we use in our business had been leaking or pooling and getting gummed up under their containers. So I would wipe that up which gave me a very soapy rag and I would use the soapy rag to wash the shower sides and pan.

Anyway, I felt rather good about myself as I've been wanting to clean this area, but my son really should in my opinion since this is the bathroom he uses.

Well, I also had asked him earlier if he knew where my dishpan was, I figured it was him that did something with it. He was sleepy and acted like he didn't know where it was. So later in the day after he was up and I asked him again where my dishpan was and that I wanted it back. He argued with me and complained about it and said that I don't do the dishes, etc.

After disagreeing, I continued with the request and whether I did dishes or whatever, I wanted my dishpan back for whatever reason. and that it is my sink, my kitchen, and he continued to tell me that I would find it if I did any work around the house.

I continued with the request, in the meantime my DD is there having him add up the amount of checks we got in the mail on his cell phone. (So I'm really thinking, what's with this girl?) Then he continues on his way ignoring me, going outside and taking off, my DD brings in from her car some craft things she got from a relative out of state. While I'm still requesting the where abouts of the dishpan.

Then DS took off, and so did DD and I was left on my own. I called DH and told him and he just told me to buy another one. I was more upset at the attitude of DS and I hung up with DH as he was in the middle of a job. So I was left alone with noone to talk to, and just tried to use all the skills I have learned. Still not feeling totally better, but doing much better than in the past and before I came here and without any medication and no panic attacks. I'm sure I was having anxiety and depression, or the feelings of depression after an attack of anxiety.

I then started to play the piano, which I haven't touched for a while. The songs helped me feel better and actually helped me to breathe right and then I started to sing while I played. This really helped as they were comforting songs. Then the front door opened quickly after I was calmed down and DS came in and then went back out. I was very startled! :shock: So I could tell that my nerves were pretty frazzled.

I eventually went to my room to see if I could watch TV, as I couldn't distract myself with TV before. Then DH came home and I told him a little bit more what happened and he said that DS text him and asked if he could buy two new tires for his truck. DH text back only after he returns the freakin' dish pan. Well, I didn't appreciate the freakin' part as that is just showing DS how to have disdain for the item I wanted. I then told DH that DS did not give me back my dish pan and he said that he told him it was on the deck and DH went out there and couldn't see it and I had already went out there and didn't see it either.

Anyway, it was finally returned, but only by me seeing it back near the kitchen sink.
So this is the underlying problem I have. DH did tell me this morning that he did talk to DS about not leaving his toenails on my LR floor. He agreed that that wasn't a nice thing to do.

DS brought up during our "discussion" about how he does 1/3 the work for our business, and somehow he was justifying his behavior or that he knows when I do dishes or when I don't do anything. I remind him that he works at night, sleeps during the day and then is gone four wheeling or out with his friends, so he doesn't know what I do with my day or the work I do.

Anyway, my feelings have been very hurt and I'm working through it. I see my Therapist along with DH tomorrow. I understand the psychology of what DS is doing, sort of, but that doesn't take the sting away.

Loveslife
Posts: 487
Joined: Tue Nov 16, 2010 6:33 pm

Re: Dear Diary

Post by Loveslife » Tue May 24, 2011 12:51 am

Paislee, I am glad you are seeing your therapist tomorrow. In my opinion it is none of your son's business what you do, or when you do it.

This all seems like a power/ control play, so you must remain firm. It really does work, but you need to set the tone and be consistent.

My example:

My daughter has an outstanding bill from the hospital that insurance needs to pay. (long story)
I have repeatedly told her to pick up the bill so that she can then send it to the ins. Company etc. Yesterday I told her not to bother calling me until she has taken care of this. period. She followed through immediately and called to tell me that she handled it and felt good about herself.

You get the idea...

I love that you played the piano and sang too. That is extremely calming.

I'm at work now on the midnight shift so I better run.

((((. Hugs ))))

Paisleegreen
Posts: 1778
Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2010 5:27 pm

Re: Dear Diary

Post by Paisleegreen » Tue May 24, 2011 1:36 pm

Thanks, J, I needed that kudos. I've been pretty weepy, it just brings up old feelings. The way he was dogging me or giving me the 3rd degree (?) :? I've had enough of that from my father and my mother before that. Then DH can get that way and DD.

I like your story of you DD. I agree I've raised my kids, I shouldn't have to answer to anyone what I do with my time. I've paid my dues...and when I choose to do the dishes which isn't much is at my disgression. I choose to spend time with my Granddaughter and Grandson outside last week while the sun was shining. The dishes and dishwasher will be there. Where was he when he was suppose to be studying for his college tests and then take then instead of having a C grade holding until the end of summer. He was occupied with the pick up truck and now that summer is beginning he will be getting the boat ready to go out on the lake. So he might work for us, but he doesn't pay rent and spends his time sleeping, working on the pick up and then playing and entertaining friends.

He doesn't keep the down stairs clean or his bedroom and his laundry he leaves for me to take care of. The money we have spent for his to have special computers and servers in his bedroom as a teenager going to high school cost a lot of money that none of the other kids got. I drove him back and forth to school as he didn't want to take the bus all the time. Then he drove DH's nice pick up to school when he got his license.

So he has had it pretty good. And I've raised him and done the dishes all my life, he never did any during his teen years. He did other things. So it just really gets to me the disrespect or the entitlement he must think he deserves. I think part of it is his self esteem and his GF is gone away to college.

Thanks again...paislee

Loveslife
Posts: 487
Joined: Tue Nov 16, 2010 6:33 pm

Re: Dear Diary

Post by Loveslife » Tue May 24, 2011 2:37 pm

Paislee, I'm going to tell you the truth as I see it.
You are treated this way by your son because you let him and you continue to let him.
You must break the cycle.

(((((((((( HUGS )))))))))

PS
I've walked 100 million miles in your shoes, so I do have empathy for you and compassion.

Loveslife
Posts: 487
Joined: Tue Nov 16, 2010 6:33 pm

Re: Dear Diary

Post by Loveslife » Tue May 24, 2011 7:46 pm

Paislee,
I just read Tina's response to a poster on another thread about "worsening physical symptoms." Her response was brilliant and I think you should apply her response and ignore my above post, as I was being a "know it all" and know it all's are annoying and rarely right.

Look to the origins of your problem.....

Paisleegreen
Posts: 1778
Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2010 5:27 pm

Re: Dear Diary

Post by Paisleegreen » Wed May 25, 2011 9:43 am

Hi J, Well, went to my therapist w/DH. We dicussed the dishpan episode w/ the Dr. DH admits that DS is spoiled and does show me disrespect. I talked to the Dr about having my son come in to visit with him, as he really hasn't had much of any therapy after his older brother's death. The Dr is willing if DS is willing to come in and see him. The Dr can explain to him what G.A.D. is all about and why I might reacting to his behavior the way I do or explain how hard it is for me to do the things I use to do. Paislee

SoWhatif
Posts: 341
Joined: Thu Dec 31, 2009 7:00 pm

Re: Dear Diary

Post by SoWhatif » Thu May 26, 2011 11:05 am

P stop trying to be their friend. It does not work, what it does is cause the dilema your in. Write down the rules and give the boy "man" a choice. Stop his bs and while your at it inform dh its about time he joined with you. There us always a excuse and that is why your sick. Dr. Can guide but it is you and dh need to be on the same sheet of music. Dh should be ashamed of himself for not listening and acting. Discipline creates respect and friendship not the current passive aggressive your resieveing. Cut the apron strings Mom....
Love ya friend, Do you have a your space yet?

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