Stress Center Peer Support

Hi, I'm really glad to have found this circle. I just started the program.
I've suffered depression for most of my 50 years. I was diagnosed 18 years ago when I was suicidal and went through a treatment program for an addiction.
I have been off the Prozac for almost a year and was doing fine till lately. My job sucks, my boss is a huge condescending jerk, so I am really struggling to give it any effort. I constantly worry about being fired. I was always a drinker, but in the last 2 years the stressors in my life went way up, the anxiety went up, so the alcohol was my coping method. Almost every night. Didn't work. I got verbally abusive to my wife too many times, was disrespectful too many times, and with all
the past hurts and abuses and lies, she saw a lawyer today and wants a divorce. So now I am really feeling depressed. I got this program to help me but I am afraid it is too late to help my marriage. I am still going to work the program, as hard as that will be in my state of mind, because I am so tired of feeling miserable all the time. Life sucks right now and has for awhile. I really hope this works because I've tried therapy & drugs, but it's always still there. I feel like this is my last chance.

I just read this post about support circle and noticed there has been no activity since July.

Is this still a go?
I suffer from chronic depression and have for about 20 years. I too wondered if the program would be for me since anxiety seemed to be the
primary focus. Hope this group is still active.

You guys must think I'm crazy. I must not have looked all the way through the posts because now after sending mine and going back to the circle I see todays activity. Sorry about the brain fart.

Hi mdl: I would program this “Program” into your main frame if I could, since that would be easier than tying you to a chair. But you know as well as the rest of us, something works because we put the effort into. We truly do NOT want you to slide deeper into that dark fog of depression. I’ve dwelled in the middle of that fog and believe me, it is an excellent place to AVOID! Here are the skills and tools to walk you out of there; to keep you from sinking further; to help you never go there again. Your mind really is tricking you. I think you are more clever than that trickster mind. Session One through Fifteen. The answers are there.

Hi charward: I am so happy you found us here, and I am content in knowing, you are ready to change your thinking and your mindset. Feelings of darkness, sadness, depression, guilt, being unworthy -- these are ALL PRECEEDED by thoughts. One of the coolest things I learned out of Session Three was to stop in my tracks when any uncomfortable sensation arose. I would find my journal, or just a scrap of paper, and start recording every thought I’d just had prior to the sensation. As the weeks went by, those notes and journals opened my eyes and swept out the shelves in my mind’s closet where I stored all those decisions to feel useless, worthless, guilty, beaten, lost, etc. I recognized I was programming myself to “Be, Do, Have” what I was thinking. Gradually, those programs began to change. Wow. And, again, we are all glad you found us, and glad you are here.

Hi Loyd.r: Like so many of us, you jumped on that depression train a long time ago, and you keep riding it because you don’t know how to jump off. I am so sad to hear that your marriage has deteriorated in the process. You know, I believe the history you are sharing with us is an accumulation of all the stuff you’ve told yourself for too many years. I sincerely hope you can stick with whatever works to stay sober, and I one hundred percent encourage you to commit to working this program. Some doors have closed for you, but as Lucinda reminded me here, some windows have opened. Stay with us on this program.

Hi leap: this depression circle is really the entire Depression Forum. When people specifically are depressed, this thread is a really good place to start. Every one of us who has posted under this topic understand depression. It’s a club we never subscribed to be in, but we could not figure out how to opt out. For me, this program provided the tools and taught me the skills, and I found the “OPT OUT OF DEPRESSION” door and I walked right through. What a relief. Again, the answers are Session One through Fifteen. I cannot say where I turned the corner and started waking up to good days, but it did happen. It’s all cumulative. You can do this, too.

Greetings to all who have been blessed with the courage and determination it took to make this life changing choice.

You are already on your way to starting a life that you deserve to live and I hope you are feeling very proud of yourselves for coming this far...so far!!

I have been where you all have been and are still but my life has improved and I know I do not ever want to live life in that deep dark hole I've spent 43 years in. I have had laughter in my life for the first time in a very long time and I look forward to mornings once again after sleeping away so many days just to avoid dealing with all my gloom and emptiness I had weighing me down day after day. I have seen the light at the end of the tunnel and even though I still have some bad days I know in my heart that I have come a long way in a short period of time and YOU can too.

We are good, strong, loving people and never chose to feel all the way we do and have for such a very long time. many have been through so much in their lives and most of it was not good. We have lived with many issues and some of these are mental and or physical abuse, disfuncional families, guilt, job losses, being perfectionists, and on and on the list goes. No matter what the causes were/are that got us to this state I know we can ALL overcome what ails us and come out of this as confident, self assured, lighthearted and joy filled humans.

This journey we take together is not a quick fix or not an easy one but most worthwhile tasks are not easy. It took years of getting into this dark life and will take several months or longer to dig ourselves out but we are worthy of a better life and must do everything we can to climb up that ladder to all the greatness that is just waiting there for each of us to behold and cherish.

BELIEVE IN YOURSELVES AND IN THIS PROGRAM AS IT IS TRULY A GOD SEND AND WILL TEACH YOU HOW TO STOP DREADING LIFE AND BEGIN TO LOVE AND FEEL PASSIONATE ABOUT LIFE. IT'S ALL HERE FOR EACH OF US...JUST GO AFTER IT WITH ALL YOUR HEART AND SOUL..NEVER LET LOSING BE AN OPTION..YOU ARE SO WORTH THE EFFORT IT TAKES TO LIVE AND LOVE YOUR LIFE!!!

GOD BLESS YOU ALL!
ENJOY YOUR JOURNEY...YOU ARE NEVER ALONE HERE.

Hey everyone,

I'm signing on! I ordered the program three days ago and figured I need to just start getting in the habit of checking in daily. Probably my struggle will be to turn this off and do other things. It's easier to sit here and read all day. I do have other things to do, with you know, being a housewife and having three children.

Just to warn you this is a long post. All my others won't be but I'm filling you all in on my history.

My story started, well, at birth. My Father is a functioning alcoholic and my Mother was a terrific enabler for many years. I of course thought we were living a normal life. I didn't know any better. We moved a lot for my dads work and so I learned to be social at an early age. Everything was going along "fine" until I started my junior year of college.

My Father started a new job and my Mother stayed in our old house to sell it. When I came home on Thanksgiving break I broke down and asked if they were getting a divorce. My Mother emphatically denied that they were, stating that she and dad still loved one another. Looking back, he on the other hand said little if anything.

I went back to college after break and had my first major depressive episode. My body and brain knew that something was out of whack with my family only I couldn't put a name on it yet. Two weeks before I graduated from college my mom and dad got in a huge fight and he left her. Of course he chose my finals week to do this. Love the way he thinks of others!

Weeks later got dumped by the guy I though I would marry and then found a guy and married him in 6 months from first meeting to wedding date. All this was in the span of one year from my parents divorce.

He turned out to as immature as I was and we had major problems. Of course we thought we'd fix all those problems by getting married and having a baby 9 months after we wed. Our second child was born 3 years after our wedding date. Well after years of feeling like a hostage in our marriage I left with my kids.

Small testament to the guy I was married to. I had a major depressive episode and considered suicide. He took me to the ER and then told me I couldn't check myself in as it would ruin his work career. Nice huh? That's one of the reasons I divorced him. lol

Anyway, things got dramatically better for a long time. I got help, lived near my mom (huge support for me, and she'd stopped her severe codependent ways) met a wonderful man and had a child who's just turned three.

Things started going downhill though about two years ago. I had some major medical issues and had to have a partial hysterectomy just a year after my baby was born. We wanted desperately to have another child. We always thought there would be four kids.

Then a week after getting back on my feet from surgery (the day before Thanksgiving) my mother was diagnosed with terminal Lung Cancer that had already spread to many other organs in her body including her brain. She died 4 months later.

It was a very painful time in my life. I was dealing with the grief of not having that fourth child but also with the grief of loosing my mother (she was really one of my best friends).

Since then things just haven't been the same. I feel like I'm letting my kids and husband down every day. I feel, no I know I could be a totally different person. I could be the happy mom who gets stuff accomplished, who loves to take her kids to do the fun things they love doing (hiking, sand boarding, skim boarding, etc). I could be the mom who loves to cook and the wife who initiates sex. I just can't seem to get out of bed to much of anything. I want to just lay here all the time and watch TV and be on my laptop.

My 3 year old keeps begging me to play with him. I don't want to. I make myself occasionally but I'd prefer not to. I can put on a fake face to go out in public but nobody knows what's happening with the real me. Not even my husband. I mean he knows I'm depressed but he doesn't have a clue about what goes on in my head.

To make matters worse my depression gets worse during the rainy season. If you can't tell from my post I live on the coast of Oregon. It's rainy here a lot of the time. NOT GOOD. Of course my husband loves rain and storms. I grew up on the coast though so it does feel more like home than anywhere else I've lived.

Anyway peeps, that's my story and I'm stickin' to it. I am looking forward to getting the program and I do know that it will work for me. I just need to let it. That'll be the trick. Thanks for reading my novella and I look forward to interacting with you all tomorrow and the next days...

Hi kidsisme and welcome,

You have been through so many losses in the past couple of years that it's no doubt why you feel the way you do so please try and go easy on yourself and go with the flow. beating yourself up over the lack of motivation will only increase the negative feelings you already have. While you wait for your program to arrive you might want to read posts on what others are dealing with and also you could start to write down your thoughts as they come to you. Journaling thoughts is a part of the program and will let you see just how many times in a day you fill your mind with unhappy and unkind thoughts towards yourself. When we are depressed it's not at all uncommon to just want to sleep or lack motivation for most of lifes daily activities. I remember sleeping almost around the clock for many months at a time. I now am up early, look forward to the mornings ( most days ) and do my best each day to accomplish as much as I can.
there is hope and light at the end of the tunnel so have faith and if you can work hard on the program you will be soon living the life you want and be in control of your thoughts rather than your thoughts controlling you. It takes time and there will be ups and downs so don't ever get discouraged along the road ahead.

I wish you all the best on your journey!

Hi all and welcome new members. Just a quick note because its late and i'm tired. I've listened to the first session at least 4 times, done the meditations 2x a day, going for 3 tonight, done the first chapter, and I am already feeling less depressed just from the hope I have that this is going to finally be the answer. I am seeing how my thoughts direct my fears, anxiety and emotions. I took the online "test yourself" and the profiles were me to a tee. I was in tears from relief that someone knows exactly how i feel. If you can't do anything else, just listen to the session and other people that made it. You will be encouraged, and feeling hope instead of hopeless-that's huge for depression. Good night.

The greatist Evil In the world Is a Lack of LOve. the only way to heal is to find some one who will Love . 1 John 4:8

Originally posted by pecos:
I am working this program, which I think is very good by the way, to overcome a depression which had taken over my life. I am following the program according to all the instructions and feel improvement already. One of the program assignments is to check in to our peer group daily online ... this group. I am finding that mostly the forums are for stress and anxiety. Stress and anxiety are not my problems. Perhaps those of us who are primarily here for depression could reply here, and we could create a depression support circle? It would be helpful to me. I hope others would be interested.

Thanks Monty's Mom. You give me hope. I would love to wake up and look forward to a day. That is unheard of in my book.

I got up this morning and my son greeted me and said I sounded like the walking dead. Those were his exact words. Of course after that I beat myself up more because I felt like I should've been more upbeat.

Wow, I didn't realize until just now (it's 3:38) that I did that and that was at 7:30 this morning. I think, no I know, I do a lot of negative self-talk.

Is the journaling you're talking about something I do in the moment or something I do once a day? I don't know that I have the time to do it in the moment. I have 3 kids and youngest is 3. He keeps me hopping... you know what I'm stopping that right there.

I most certainly do have time. I've got time to plant my you know what in my bed and watch TV and not interact with him. I can take five minute out of each hour and journal about my thoughts if that's what it takes.

I need to quit lying to myself and start putting me near the top of the list. That other stuff is what got me here.

So now, if you could please tell me what the protocol is on the journaling, as I haven't gotten my kit yet, I'd appreciate it. Thanks!