Stress Center Peer Support

I am on the road to recovery. The will be obstacles which I will overcome and learn from. I can not go under, over, or around a lilitation. I must meet it head on. This may cause me some discomfort, but it will not hurt me.

Mike

You really hit the nail on the head with your comments and questions.....I do not look at all of the challenges I face as practice opportunities, and I sure as heck do not praise myself for dealing with them.....Instead I fear them then beat myself up for not handling them perfectly.....I need to remember that I am not perfect, no-one is......I need to start seeing the positives, seeing that I did make it thru it, learning from my experiences, and giving myself credit......you are right, I will feel alot better and it will definitely increase my self-esteem....I have to really try to recognize these situations and work on them as I fall right back into my negative, beat myself up way of thinking.....I need to realize and remember the way I react is just a bad habit and it takes time to change tht bad habit.....and it will change as long as I work on it thank you

I completely understand what you said about the obseesive thoughts I shared....the thing is I dont really imagine things in my thoughts, instead I take myself back in the past, forcing myself to relive past moments of anger and hurt.....this has always been a big problem with me....I need some kind of trick or something to catch myself when I start dwelling on the past.......something that will bring me back into the present moment......I really need to learn forgiveness of myself and others.....one thing I can say though is at least I recognize this....a year ago I didnt, so this is a major accomplishment

Ive also been reading over alot of what you have been saying to THH.....you really got your stuff together lol but seriously, the questions that you present are so pertinent and make so much sense....they really do put life back in perspective

I also went back and found my affirmation phrase.....I felt so much better when I was writing it with every response, so I am going to start including it again.....that was a really good idea you had back at the beginning of this forum....you are one smart cookie

what you said makes soooo much sense....we feel anxious and depressed, then those emotions cause irrational feelings..then we cant understand why we are feeling that way.....we need to acknowlege that those are irrational feelings instead of dwelling on them and trying to figure them out.....if we dont it only keeps us in the vicious circle...we need to see the feelings for what they are and not try to read into them........just let them go....

yes Mike, if we would bring our expectations down we would definitely avoid setting ourself up for failure....as it would be an obtainable goal
I really like what you are saying about trying to make ourselves feel better when facing a limitation....when we do this, we are then acknowledging a anxious feeling and therefore fighting it........and telling ourselves in the long run we will feel better.......but this does not help us, we want immediate gratification....instead, we need to just say "here is my limitation and I know that this is an irrational thought" and just keep telling ourselves why it is an irrational thought as we proceed with our limitation.....doing this keeps us present and does not give our mind time to think about our anxious body symptoms....

I will definitely do your activity and post my results

it amazes me every time I read your posts Mike....you really have grown so much

I am on the road to recovery. There will be obstacles which I will overcome and learn from. I can not go under, over, or around a limitation. I must meet it head on. This may cause me some discomfort, but it will not hurt me. I need to stay in the present moment!

THH

hope everything is ok with you
you are often in my thoughts


Paislee

glad to hear that you went to the doctor, and that your husband went also......sounds like you had a rough time, but also a very positive experience.....its ok to be confused and unsure of why you feel the way you do.....you are touching upon alot of subjects at once.....remember, you are working on them, which is the major point.....you cant solve and understand them all in one day, it takes time and lots of small steps.......like me, just try to acknowledge that you are working on getting better, you are taking positive steps in the right direction.....you may be confused now, but keep moving in the right direction and things will start to become clearer

got a break from the snow here yesterday....but its snowing now lol

Paisleegreen
Thank you. I'll be posting my experiences with the experiment I suggested so maybe that'll help with the thinking about the distasteful job vs hobby thing.

Your therapist has done something similar to me asking those painful questions. The therapist helped you create pain by looking at the reality of the situation and unfortunately for depressed people pain might be the only thing to really motivate us. It doesn't sound like your comfortable handling the reality that the therapist speaks of and perhaps obsessive thoughts have come up to distract yourself from looking at it. Thoughts about your son, your dad not putting you in the will and how you are feeling. Is this a possibility?

If you are feeling bad and crying thats good. Not saying you deserve to suffer but it means that you are feeling the pain which you can derive motivation from to keep yourself from further pain in the future. Do you think this will be easier to deal with the problems now or when it is just you and your husband at home? I'm not saying you are doing this but if we keep running away then things will just get worse and worse and how much more pain will we have to deal with later on?

Karen L
I'm getting alot better with the questions eh? (you can really tell i'm Canadian)

You know its very common to not look at the challenges as practice opportunities because they have caused alot of pain in the past. Also being negative we focus on the negative which means we filter out the positive stuff. If you focus on negative then all your attention goes there and all you see is negative, this is why you can do something successfully and not feel it. We tell ourselves we can't do it, we aren't doing it right, we aren't this or that enough and then when we don't live up to our rediculously high expectation then we feel bad and focus on all the things that went wrong instead of what went right. Get what I'm saying?

If you are saying, this is too overwhelming don't you think you'd start thinking about all the things about it that overwhelm you and then get more overwhelmed? It might be overwhelming or at least have been in the past but how can you make it not overwhelming? Ask yourself this if you get overwhelmed and then your mind will help you come up with ideas to use.

If you are saying I can't, I'm not good enough...etc, then do you think your mind will help you be good enough and give you the determination and clarity of mind to handle what you're doing and make it fun or would it make you look at all the reasons you can't do it, drain away your energy, cloud your mind with obsessive thoughts so you can't figure it out and likely lead to that failure that you might be afraid of?

I have something that can help, its called the hour of power. I've talked about it before in my posts, i'm working to put it up on a website where you could get at it and use it. That incorporates exercise and encouragement at the same time which you can drag on into the rest of your day, do you think that might help you? If you created encouragement on a daily basis, would that help you to call it up when you need it?

If you stopped using the thought replacement on paper then it might be a good idea to get back at that especially if you talk about needing some kind of trick to catch yourself when you start dwelling on the past. It helps to catch yourself whenever you start to feel negative at all. It would be very beneficial in changing your response to those obsessive thoughts.

I'm really glad you are getting something from posts that I direct at other people. The more people who benefit, the better and thank you for those compliments. I'm definately feeling like i'm getting my stuff together but still have a little bit to go. Those affirmations can be really helpful and i'm going to teach you guys something new that I've realized.

Well keep in mind that not all negative thoughts and feelings are irrational. You can figure out the diffrence by seeing if there is cognitive distortions in the thoughts or not. If the thought is based on reality and not distorted then just letting it go will not work.

I'll take one of the situations I was in. I was afraid of working, I was severely struggling financially and if I didn't get a job I would lose my appartment. My thought was "I need to get a job or I'll lose my appartment". It scared me and was so very intense but it was reality. I think I tried to CBT my way out of it, but that didn't work. In cases when the thoughts are irrational, we have to use the behavioral aspect of CBT to take care of it. We can use encouragement there to help us and the cognitive part of CBT to work through the discouraging thoughts.

Its not always easy to say "here is my limitation and I know that this is an irrational thought" but it isn't always hard either. The thing I talked about earlier in this post about teaching is to actually think about how the thought is affecting you as opposed to trying to change it and in that way, you can change it. This is something I've come up with myself. You figure out that its irrational and then you ask yourself, "What is the most painful thing I get from believing this thought?" then you write it down. If you want you can replace it after but you may not need to do that before you feel better.

ie.I can't do it
->If I believe and live with the idea that I can't do it, then my mind will limit the resources I need to be able to do it, I'll hate what i'm doing, I'll be flooded with obsessive thoughts, It'll create alot of fear and panic, It'll cost my self-esteem and I'll hate myself anytime I do the activity.
Does that make you want to continue believing you can't do it?

Awesome, i'm glad your willing to do the activity. I'll be posting in this thread since I suggested it in this thread.


Mike

Hello everyone!
Thank you for your continued thoughts and prayers! It was a whirl wind week!
I had some obsessive thoughts about my health. I know it was due to the situation with my cousin. With that being said, I have acid reflux and take a over the counter med. to control it. Well as a distraction I went off it and it came back with vengeance! I went to see my dear doctor, and I'm back on it, quite possibly forever. BUT I got the lecture if your sooooo worried about your health, STOP SMOKING!
I bought the E cig. did not like that at all. So I have to start to get really serious and want to break my addiction to cigs. I think I may buy the patch this weekend. Maybe set a date to really give it s shot. Maybe my stomach will be better if I quit smoking and I won't have to take a pill?
He kept telling me I'm healthy now, and if I take anything away form here today it should be stop it!
We discussed my cousin and he is so good with me. We talked about all my worries and he was so happy to hear how I have done so much better sense I did this program. It was a good visit.

So dealing with all the family and a sick cousin, I felt more peaceful about everything. I have some goals and some motivation to do something to help myself.
Today, I got the call they are releasing my cousin from hospice house to her mothers!!!! The group she came in with have all died. She has gotten stronger and eating and doing a trip to the bathroom alone! So who knows what or how long or any answers to any questions...But it is so very cool that she can go home. Her one son who is only 14 has not wanted to go see her, he just couldn't, so he will be able to be with her. Realistically no one knows except her creator, and what ever time she has who knows!
It is a good lesson for us all, no matter what doctors or people say, keep trying. And again question the beliefs. Is it true? Live in the moment and enjoy it!

Paislee,
I know that I always have had anxiety. Looking at many of my family members they too have it. My doctor said I have anxiety and with the hormone change, things are happening in the body and your ( Me ) sensitive to it. Anxiety has always been there but with the tip in hormones it really brings it to the fore front. I guess I'm saying don't rule out that hormone thing cuz one day it will quiet down. In the mean time work on ways to control stress and your reactions to it. During menopause I think we women tend to reflect and discover. I'm glad your helping your self, I can say this program really helped me realize my behavior, my thoughts were not helping me adapt to change. We all need to grow and change those bad habits we have picked up over the years! Its good to miss people we lost, but we have to keep living as well. We know they would want that!

Karen,
You have done really well! Driving, working in the snow, being with out your councilor! Thats great! You are your own safe person and you have started to get in touch with her. YEY!
Oh Mike has been great asking questions. We all grow and advance at different rates, but one day it seams like many pieces just fall into place. I use his questions to incorporate into my thinking when I catch myself getting obsessed. I can get out much faster now. BUT it is such a bad habit that I am very good at it takes lots of practice to make it a new habit. I've read many post from people who have gone through this program and they all seam to come back and say they quit doing the work and the old habits creep back in. Surround yourself with positive people, they say in the program. In my life there are not that many. So I find using this site so helpful. We are all learning to see the positive things in our lives. We are helping ourselves by helping each other!

Mike,
Deana has non Hodgkin lymphoma. What is weird is her mri showed a mass in her brain. I'm not sure if it is something else or part of the same?
I love my "Mike" moments.LOL...You are really getting very good at putting them down in front of us! Thank you....
How are you feeling with your cold? Hope better by now.
I think I am going to try your goal/ expectation thing something for me to use to quit my smokes. I don't know? I have tried before and when I go back to it I feel like a looser. I need to get some outside help or get a support group or??? Maybe acupuncture. I tried to get hypnotize- joke. Maybe you can think of some questions for me to focus on?
You sound great!!!
Lead us on in lesson 11/ I put the carry card on there.

Hi THH--Thanks for helping me to understand that part of my anxious feelings are adjusting to the hormones or lack of! I'm doing better today.
I went to a survivor's of suicide just to see people that lost loved ones 3 years ago or so, come back pretty much worse off. That's what suicide does to people left behind.

These people were once productive and working on changing their lives and had goals to work on. Then...BAM!...they lose a loved one and it affects everyone. They have gained weight, their anxious or depressed, they are sorrowful, they can't keep their jobs. Some have lost their houses...it goes on.

My husband and I are way ahead of them in this journey. Anyway, we talked with some survivor's to see how we can stay in contact with them outside of the group meetings. So that was a good experience we did together.

I did find out that Remeron is used for patients that are Anorexic, it helps them to want to eat! The Drs failed to tell me that. It really does make you hungry and sleepy. I don't need that type of anti-depressant, and I think it causes me to have sort of a hangover if I take it too late.

I was doing pretty good after I weaned off of Wellbutrin, just to be introduced to Remeron and Beta Blockers. I'm off the Beta Blockers and on the lowest dosage of Remeron.

I'm looking forward to Lesson 11 as well. Paislee

Karen-Thanks for your comments, they are very reassuring. I think my answer to Mike goes along with what you wrote me.

Mike--You are right, the Dr is asking the same type of questions that you do and is making me have to think and I'm probably distracting myself trying to figure out where the pain is coming from. Because the bathroom remodel will bring on some type of "rejection" or "loss" or "control" I have to agree with someone else and work together to put this bathroom back together. Ugh.

Many decisions to think about and make, fearing that it will be "permanent". Just like losing my son is permanent, I didn't get a chance to talk to him again as I was hoping when he got home from school, he didn't come home from school.

And my Dad, I couldn't talk to him about why he wrote me out of his Will, I couldn't get that straightened out and refresh his memory that we paid him back the money he lent us. So it is "final", there is no changing the circumstances, just the way we feel about them.

Then there is...I probably won't be on this earth much longer either...a reality...that seems to get clearer and clearer as I get older and see loved ones pass on.

I don't know how much longer my husband is going to be alive and with me. I'm lucky he is still with me. He has beaten death's door many times. I also don't know how long I'll be "healthy", so I really am concerned about my comfort in my old age and here we have the opportunity to put in a walk-in jetted tub/shower.

I can imagine how nice it would feel to have bubbles and jetted water flowing around my sore back and legs. How easy it would be to operate for me and my husband, whoever gets ill first.

We will have to finance it...but we aren't doing anything else. We aren't going on any vacations, we don't buy brand new vehicles, mine is 10 years old, I believe. We don't own a hot tub that sits on a deck and we don't go snow skiing or other recreational activities.

We basically watch TV, do volunteer work and visit with our family. So this is the discussion still that DH and I have to have.

I could compromise and have a regular shower put in. But as I've posted before, I haven't really been using my shower that was put in last summer, as I'm fearful of my anxiety symptoms. So I use the bathtub and rinse my hair with a pitcher.

Then again if I overcame the standing up part of the shower, what happens when I do become infirm and can't sit and soak in a regular bathtub? I'm just looking at the future, as I've taken care of my elderly parents and other elderly people.

I'm being analytical and visualizing future scenarios.

Okay, thanks for the questions, this has really helped me to answer and do some thinking. Paislee

THH

The worst thing you can tell someone who has an addiction is to stop it! If that was so easy don't you think you would have figured it out on your own? Its not that simple! I used to smoke myself, I know how hard it can be.

Didn't know you had acid reflux, that sucks. Would you like some help to overcome that so you don't have to take the pills anymore?

Its really great that your cousin is improving! Its pretty awesome. She has the potential to inspire many people. Well Lymphoma from my understanding starts off in the lymph nodes but with cancer it can spread to anywhere, so it could be. However I don't remember much about Hodgkin or non-hodgkin lymphoma.

Thank you. Well I think it would be great to try it with the smoking but I'd suggest trying it with something a little smaller to begin with as you want to build confidence in the exercise to move onto higher levels. Its like a videogame, you start off at beginner and then you get better at it and better at it and you go onto the next level and the level after that. If you start off the game at level 20 it could get overwhelming, however with your progress in the program you might be able to handle it without getting discouraged and too overwhelmed.

Oh I really hope you don't regret asking me for some questions.

Well myself I've quit smoking because of this program and because I knew the purpose to quitting. When we quit we all figure out the how and the what but if we don't figure out the way and keep it in mind then we are doomed to fail. I have quit smoking about 4 or 5 years ago now and I had tried to quit smoking many many times and like you I felt like a looser whenever I went back. My purpose that kept me on track with my goal was I convinced myself that if I continued smoking while going through shiatsu school, I would fail because it drains me too much. 2nd, if I continued to smoke nobody would want to be treated by me and I'd fail to build a career. Those 2 were good enough to keep me from giving in to any craving even if I was drinking or under heavy stress. Even funerals of people I know didn't make me cave.

So the questions would be a perfect way to figure out your purpose. So without further adu here are the questions;

1)Why do you want to quit smoking?
2)What does smoking cost you in your health right now?
3)How is your breathing affected by your smoking?
4)How is your ability to exercise affected by your smoking?
5)If you continue to smoke would you potentially get to the point where you'd be put on an oxygen tank?
6)How would your life be like if you had to carry an oxygen tank around with you every where you go?
7)How would carrying an oxygen tank work with riding your horses?
8)Are you more likely to develop cancer or less likely because of smoking?
9)How would having cancer affect your life?
10)What would you have to give up if you got cancer to the point where you'd be bed ridden?
11)How would you pay for the treatment if you got cancer?
12)If smoking relieves stress then what does running out of cigarettes do for stress?
13)How much money do you spend a month on smoking?
14)How much money have you spend roughly a year on smoking?
15)How much money have you spend roughly on the addiction in your whole lifetime?
16)What things that you wanted could you have bought with that money?
17)Does smoking potentially lead to a brighter future or a darker and more miserable future and create negative long term effects? Why?
18)Does smoking potentially increase the quality of your relationships and enhance your feelings of love or does it decrease it? (This can include self-love as well)
19)Is smoking going to potentially help you achieve the goals you have in life or work against them? Why?
20)Does smoking help you become the person you want to be or does it work against it?
21)Will smoking potentially create more confidence, courageousness and determination or would not smoking do it?
22)Will smoking potentially lead to more cheerful feelings or will it lead to more fear?
23)Will smoking potentially increase your levels of happiness and enjoy fun tasks more? How about when it causes cancer?
24)Does/will smoking enhance your ability to contribute and produce better quality effort or would not smoking create better quality effort?
25)Does/will smoking create the potential for more success or would not smoking?
26)What would your life be like in 5 years if you continued smoking?
27)10 years what would your life be like?
28)20 years what would your life be like if you continued smoking?
29)Does smoking potentially age you faster or slower?
30)Have you ever gotten obsessive thoughts about smoking or when about to light up a smoke?
31)How does 2nd hand smoke affect people? Can it cause cancer to them as well?
32)440,000 annual deaths each year are smoking-associated
Read more at http://www.wrongdiagnosis.com/...s.htm?ktrack=kcplink These were human beings, with the same organs, the same body systems and the same unlimited potential as yourself, do you think it is possible that you could end up part of that statisic if you keep smoking?


If thats not good enough here are some videos.

Crying child loses a parent

Guy in a hospital bed

Howard Singer...Teeth, Lower jaw and tongue removed

Mouth cancer

The effects of smoking on the body Its hard to read the writing but it says in one part that This year 50,000 innocent people, who don't smoke will die of secondhand smoke.

Could you imagine yourself as any of those people in the videos?

Also it can increase your chances of having a heartattack and dying since what it does it can scrape the lining of the arteries and leave a rough surface where blood can attach to and create a blodclot or thrombus which can block the arteries of bloodflow then the tissues in that area would not recieve blood and would die. This is a heart attack if its the tissues of the heart...but you can get this in the brain as well or really any part of the body. If its severe enough it can cause gangreen and amputations would be necessary.

Smoking and how it can lead to gangreen

If that does not help you enough, there are some pictures i'll be sending you through email...they are too disturbing for the website and if that doesn't work then you go visit someone who is in a hospital and has lung or mouth cancer.

Here is a written story
---------------------------------------------
Lets try more positive questions now;
1)What would your life be like if you weren't smoking and not controlled by cravings?
2)How would your life be like in 5 years if you had quit smoking today?
3)What about 10 years?
4)In 20 years?
5)Would not smoking help increase your mental and physical health? Why?
6)Would not smoking lead to a brighter future and create positive long term effects or lead to a darker future and create more negative long term effects?
7)Will quitting smoking increase your relationships and potentially enhance your feelings of love or decrease it?
8)Is not smoking more true to your nature and support the goals you have in life or work against them?
9)Would not smoking help you become the person you want to be or would it work against it?
10)Will quitting smoking create more confidence, courageousness and determination or will it take away from those feelings?
11)Will quitting smoking lead to more cheerful feelings (In the long run), or take away from them?
12)Will not smoking give you more energy or less energy?
13)Will not smoking potentially create more happiness and help you enjoy your tasks more or less? (Think about not having to worry about having smokes on you or running out of them)
14)Would not smoking potentially create more passion or less?
15)Would not smoking potentially increase your productivity levels and make you think clearer when doing things?
16)Will not smoking potentially help to create the potential for more success or less? (Think about how your immune system would be like after quitting smoking and how many less days you'd spend under the weather)



Mike

Paisleegreen

Yes your right it isn't the external situation that is causing you the problems it is the rejection, loss and control issues that are the problem. Good for recognizing that.

Sounds like your looking at the pain that you are getting and will get if you continue to live life the way you are.

Is it really fulfilling life to just watch tv, do volunteer work and visit family and have anxiety and depression control all your decisions and keep you from enjoying life at a deeper level?

How would you get by if your husband dies?
Will you be more able to overcome this condition when that happens or now while he is still alive?
How bout if he passes away and your son leaves?
Wouldn't you want to create within yourself the things you need in order to support yourself if you do get into difficult situations?
Wouldn't you want to work to improve your health so you can function longer?
Wouldn't you want a brighter future?
Does living the life you are living now lead to a brighter future or a darker one?

I get scared just thinking about the answers to the questions for myself.


Mcshope
Where did you go?


Mike

Mike,
I ask for it!!!! You gave it to me!!!LOL...
A ton of thoughts flooded my being. I really have to reread these and answer them. Maybe I needed someone to be blunt with me. I have lacked motivation and stay with it power and right now I can make some choices. Maybe that will give me the strength to make and stick with a commitment.
You did good, I will print this out and think about it more...
So happy to hear you have quit smoking and stayed free!!! Excellent job!!! I think people who quit are VERY strong people. Lets see how strong I am? Did you just quit and go through with draws or did you use replacement nic.?
Anyway thank you for putting time into providing me with good questions that I never seam to be able to come up with!
P.S. Yes I would like to not take any pills for my acid reflex! Do tell...

Paislee,
I'm glad your doing better today! I can't imagine what it must be like getting over a suicide. Its good to have a support group I'm sure. Although is sounds sad to hear how everyones lives are not productive.
I would like to think someone who has been moitivated whould come and breathe hope and help people deal better. Well that is my hope or wish. Keep digging in and moving forward!!!
Its also great you and your husband went together. You both have more in common than you probably think! Good job.

I have not followed all you post to Mike, but I think it is a great idea to put in a walk in tub!!! I like the idea of warm water and jet messages. I would live in it! LOL...
Maybe he would like it too? Does he like a hot tub? Has he ever been in one?
You don't have to be ill to enjoy and pamper your self a little bit.