Hi Dawn,
I have been praying for you so much today. I don't even know you, but I feel your pain.
About the other person's feelings ... I'm not sure if this helps or not, but I would think that if this person truly cared about you, s/he would understand and not put you through the ringer like this. It sounds as if this person knows now sensitive and caring you are, and is taking advantage of that sensitivity -- TRYING to make you feel bad for making a decision you needed to make.
I would guess that this person knows you wouldn't hurt her/him ON PURPOSE. You are a much too caring person for that -- all of us on this board can see it just through your postings. I have a feeling this person WANTS you to feel bad. You don't deserve to be treated that way. If that person truly cared about you and what is best for you, s/he wouldn't be demanding explanations and making this harder than it has to be.
I have been in similar situations in the past, where I've had to end relationships. It is NEVER easy. But the way the person on the other end responds speaks volumes about that person's character. I have ended relationships where the person was kind and understanding, even though s/he was hurt, and I have ended relationships when the person was angry, clingy, demanding and pouring on the guilt.
I can see now, looking back, that the people who were angry and demadning didn't care about my feelings or what was best for me. They only cared about themselves.
You deserve better. You deserve support and understanding. I know it still must be so hard, losing a friend, even though it wasn't a good situation. I've been there before, and it does hurt... a lot. I just don't want to see you hurting more than you have to because this person is taking advantage of your good heart and trying to make you feel worse than you already do.
Sorry to ramble! Know how much we care about you, and hang onto God ... He uses these low points to bring about blessings, and I know there are many blessings coming your way.
Maureen.
ANXIETY ALL TIME HIGH TODAY
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Dawn,
Part of retraining your brain, and thinking patterns is knowing when to say NO! Being assertive, and though i know it hurts, it was the best decision for YOU!
I understand the other person is probably freaking cause they dont know how you came to this decision. You did what was best for YOU and at times, others dont understand that, and even if yu tried to explain it, they wouldnt get it!
Relax,,, stand up and shake your body,, then sit down and do the relaxation tape.. Be proud of the fact, DAwn made the right decision for Dawn for once!!! Yes, it makes you shaky, and anxious the first few times, but you are growing through the program! No one likes to make those kinds of decisions, but for your own Health and Well Being, You did it! We have to set boundaries for our personal , physical and spiritual lives dawn... and this is one of those times for you... You will be in my prayers
Part of retraining your brain, and thinking patterns is knowing when to say NO! Being assertive, and though i know it hurts, it was the best decision for YOU!
I understand the other person is probably freaking cause they dont know how you came to this decision. You did what was best for YOU and at times, others dont understand that, and even if yu tried to explain it, they wouldnt get it!
Relax,,, stand up and shake your body,, then sit down and do the relaxation tape.. Be proud of the fact, DAwn made the right decision for Dawn for once!!! Yes, it makes you shaky, and anxious the first few times, but you are growing through the program! No one likes to make those kinds of decisions, but for your own Health and Well Being, You did it! We have to set boundaries for our personal , physical and spiritual lives dawn... and this is one of those times for you... You will be in my prayers
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Maureen,
You are right - this person knows me well enough that they should know that I wouldn't want to hurt anyone on purpose...and that I must have a really good reason for doing this...why is he trying to make me feel so guilty?
I guess that's a moot question though. I did what I did and it needed to be done and I need to get on with life.
luvpiggy (from these boards) has been such a blessing to me in helping me to get to this point and she says a lot of the same things you have been saying. I would not have gotten far enough to do what needed to be done without her help and encouragement (You ARE a saint, luvpiggy!
). I think today I am just feeling particularly down and anxiety-ridden and needed a little extra help.
Nelly,
Thank you also! It sounds stupid, but I really hadn't realized that I was actually using my assertiveness that I just finished learning about in Session 9! Thank you for pointing out the obvious to someone who just wasn't seeing it! Duh for me! This really is better for my health (mental and otherwise) and I have to keep telling myself that.
God and I had a long conversation about this awhile ago. I feel like He's asking me if I trust Him enough to let go and let Him handle this. I've been listening to the song "Undo" by Rush of Fools today (ironic name, but apt for me today)...He is the only one who can undo what I've become and done. I feel like I did what was right in His eyes and so I need to be done with it now. (Letting go is so hard!!!!!
)
I read somewhere recently (or maybe I heard it on one of the sessions?) that we need to ask for what we need or what...people can't read our minds. It is REALLY hard for me to ask for help. Even making the call to start this program had to come from me hitting rock bottom. I don't know if it's pride or what (probably pride), but it's foolish and makes life harder, you know?
I asked...God gave me you guys. Thanks for holding my hand through this today and for your prayers. I'm not promising that I won't need you again tomorrow, but thank you for today.
Dawn
You are right - this person knows me well enough that they should know that I wouldn't want to hurt anyone on purpose...and that I must have a really good reason for doing this...why is he trying to make me feel so guilty?
I guess that's a moot question though. I did what I did and it needed to be done and I need to get on with life.
luvpiggy (from these boards) has been such a blessing to me in helping me to get to this point and she says a lot of the same things you have been saying. I would not have gotten far enough to do what needed to be done without her help and encouragement (You ARE a saint, luvpiggy!
). I think today I am just feeling particularly down and anxiety-ridden and needed a little extra help. Nelly,
Thank you also! It sounds stupid, but I really hadn't realized that I was actually using my assertiveness that I just finished learning about in Session 9! Thank you for pointing out the obvious to someone who just wasn't seeing it!
Duh for me! This really is better for my health (mental and otherwise) and I have to keep telling myself that.God and I had a long conversation about this awhile ago. I feel like He's asking me if I trust Him enough to let go and let Him handle this. I've been listening to the song "Undo" by Rush of Fools today (ironic name, but apt for me today)...He is the only one who can undo what I've become and done. I feel like I did what was right in His eyes and so I need to be done with it now. (Letting go is so hard!!!!!
)I read somewhere recently (or maybe I heard it on one of the sessions?) that we need to ask for what we need or what...people can't read our minds. It is REALLY hard for me to ask for help. Even making the call to start this program had to come from me hitting rock bottom. I don't know if it's pride or what (probably pride), but it's foolish and makes life harder, you know?
I asked...God gave me you guys. Thanks for holding my hand through this today and for your prayers. I'm not promising that I won't need you again tomorrow, but thank you for today.
Dawn
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Dawn,
For some reason, ive always thought people with anxiety are overachievers, people who dont share their inward thoughts, because they think they can deal with everything.. Well, we cant!!!
And part of the program is realizing, we can share our thoughts and cares with others, without guilt or pride. Bringing our insecurities into the light, helps the darkness go away! We usually find out, even those without anxiety, have the same problems we do with sharing thier thoughts...
We just get better at it,, through the program.
And usually those closet to us,are taken aback when we actually use our assertive skills at first.
Its natural for them to,, because we havent had any personal boundaries because we didnt know how before now...
I think your doing Awesome!!! Sleep WEll, enjoy your time off today,,, Love ya Nelly:)
For some reason, ive always thought people with anxiety are overachievers, people who dont share their inward thoughts, because they think they can deal with everything.. Well, we cant!!!
And part of the program is realizing, we can share our thoughts and cares with others, without guilt or pride. Bringing our insecurities into the light, helps the darkness go away! We usually find out, even those without anxiety, have the same problems we do with sharing thier thoughts...
We just get better at it,, through the program.
And usually those closet to us,are taken aback when we actually use our assertive skills at first.
Its natural for them to,, because we havent had any personal boundaries because we didnt know how before now...
I think your doing Awesome!!! Sleep WEll, enjoy your time off today,,, Love ya Nelly:)
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Prv31Mom,
Thank you for your post. I really needed to read something like this today. While I am sorry that you are having an especially anxiuos day, I too can relate, I'm glad your post and all the others of support and encouragement were here for me to read. I too have been struggling with things lately. Mostly still those pesky abandonement issues. It seems as they come up and the feelings start to swell ani I tend to think "Oh no! Here it goes again. I'm gonna sink into a depression and not be able to find my way out." Quite dramatic I know. I know I can find my way out because I've done it before. And I know the more I fear my feelings (or anything for that matter) the more power I give them. Keep up the positive self talk and the self nurturing activities as you go through your days. Life isn't fair, but it's worth it. We are all going to have moments of sadness, anxiety depresson and happiness too. It's what we tell ourselves and how we deal with it that is important.
Thank you for your post. I really needed to read something like this today. While I am sorry that you are having an especially anxiuos day, I too can relate, I'm glad your post and all the others of support and encouragement were here for me to read. I too have been struggling with things lately. Mostly still those pesky abandonement issues. It seems as they come up and the feelings start to swell ani I tend to think "Oh no! Here it goes again. I'm gonna sink into a depression and not be able to find my way out." Quite dramatic I know. I know I can find my way out because I've done it before. And I know the more I fear my feelings (or anything for that matter) the more power I give them. Keep up the positive self talk and the self nurturing activities as you go through your days. Life isn't fair, but it's worth it. We are all going to have moments of sadness, anxiety depresson and happiness too. It's what we tell ourselves and how we deal with it that is important.
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Good morning everyone!
Things are a little better today. I'm still feeling residual anxiety issues, but I do have a greater peace...and you guys TOTALLY helped me breathe and think through things yesterday! THANK YOU!!!
Maeggie - Have you seen the movie "Evan Almighty"? I was thinking of your dancing suggestion and remembered at the end of the movie Morgan Freeman as God says, "Thou Shalt do the Dance!" And then they all dance to "Everybody Dance Now" - LOL. I did a tiny version of the dance in my car (now people on the highway in my town probably officially think I'm nuts! )
Nelly - Thanks for your insight too. I don't believe in coincidence, so I thought it was a Godsend comment when you mentioned "boundaries" in your emails. I am reading "Boundaries in Marriage" right now because of luvpiggy's recommendation and for you to talk about that same issue is really confirmation to me that is an area in my life that I need to work on. Thank you!
Aleisa - I don't think you are being overly dramatic at all. I think you'll find that there are lots of us in these boards that have the same sinking obsessive thoughts about our depression and recovery...or our perceived lack of recovery in some cases. I get so much encouragement from reading other people's insight and posts...why was it SO HARD for me to ask for their help yesterday? I don't know! When I did - I was blessed beyond compare and really helped...plus it helped you. Lesson learned: It would actually be SELFISH of me NOT to ask for help!
Happy Spring Ya'll!
Blessings,
Dawn
Things are a little better today. I'm still feeling residual anxiety issues, but I do have a greater peace...and you guys TOTALLY helped me breathe and think through things yesterday! THANK YOU!!!
Maeggie - Have you seen the movie "Evan Almighty"? I was thinking of your dancing suggestion
and remembered at the end of the movie Morgan Freeman as God says, "Thou Shalt do the Dance!" And then they all dance to "Everybody Dance Now" - LOL. I did a tiny version of the dance in my car (now people on the highway in my town probably officially think I'm nuts! )Nelly - Thanks for your insight too. I don't believe in coincidence, so I thought it was a Godsend comment when you mentioned "boundaries" in your emails. I am reading "Boundaries in Marriage" right now because of luvpiggy's recommendation and for you to talk about that same issue is really confirmation to me that is an area in my life that I need to work on. Thank you!
Aleisa - I don't think you are being overly dramatic at all. I think you'll find that there are lots of us in these boards that have the same sinking obsessive thoughts about our depression and recovery...or our perceived lack of recovery in some cases. I get so much encouragement from reading other people's insight and posts...why was it SO HARD for me to ask for their help yesterday? I don't know! When I did - I was blessed beyond compare and really helped...plus it helped you. Lesson learned: It would actually be SELFISH of me NOT to ask for help!
Happy Spring Ya'll!
Blessings,
Dawn
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