Stress Center Peer Support

Has anyone ever tried to kill themselves? I have. I can't stand the tornado in my head and the feeling of being worthless and alone. My mother and grandmother has died recently, and I don't know who to trust for they have decieved me horable. I feel so alone sometimes. I can't stand pain so I would never think of physicaly hurting myself. But death makes me feel like I could finaly be at peace, or just sleep for the rest of my life. I wont do anything, I am done tring. I just think about it now. I have too many responsiblities to do that. I think I am just having a confusing day. I am having a hard time picking myself up.

Tina-

We have all had thoughts about feeling hpoless and worthless - Yes the tornado by this OCD is definetly a struggle, but DEATH IS NOT AN OPTION!!!!!! Are you spiritual at all? Do you believe in GOD? If so try calling and talking to your Pastor or Priest.....I am so sorry you are hurting so badly, I feel the this way at times too, But try and remember GOD HAS A PLAN/PURPOSE HE IS DOING A GOOD WORK IN YOU AND HE PROMISES TO BRING IT TO FULL COMPLETION!!! I know this is hard to believe but it is so true.....Don't give up on yourself, keep trying. I don't know what scary thoughts you have, but I have a lot of horrible ones to.....GOD DOES NOT WANT YOU TO HURT YOURSELF.....That is SSATAN preying on your weaknesses.....If you want to chat PM me......

GOD BLESS YOU ...
Patricia

I too have some scary thoughts. I have had 12 panic attacks and numerous anxiety attacks last year. I get nervous in social situations even abusing alcohol only with people(especially in-laws). Yes, God is with us, will never leave us or forsake us. I haven't been drinking now since Oct. due to being on different anti-depressants from Lexapro, Effexor, Cymbalta and now Seroquel. Nothing has worked until this Seroquel. I have been in counseling to improve my confidence and self-esteem. This program has made me realize that I am normal and don't need to be frightened by these terrifying panic and anxiety attacks. I was too nervous around alcohol since my father was a recovering alcoholic and his parents were alcoholics too. Death has seemed like a relief to the suffering of life. But, I keep remembering that God is not done with me yet and I can make a difference despite how satan wants to destroy us mentally, spiritually and physically. Which I don't want to hurt myself either since I hate pain. I just have a problem with having self-worth, when I know God created us to be special. I think sometimes I must of messed up his creation or something beyond repair, when I imagine that is not true and can't help to think about this. I, also, think about people won't like me if they know the real me and yet people usually like the caring and sensitive me. I tend to let my husband and mother control me and don't stand up for myself.

AmandaJ

I constantly try to ecourage new members to read through this OCD section before posting new threads. The reason I say this is because there are TONS of people who have what you have, had what you have, may be getting what you have, and so on... There are dozens of posts on this subject already. You are not even close to being alone. I bumped up two threads that you should look at.

"Take Heart those with scary thoughts of hurting others."

"Violent Obsessions-- A Quickstart Guide"

I had the same problem, probably, about 2 years ago now. You need to do what your MD is telling you to do and depending on how bad you are feeling, you should get set up with a PHD. Sometimes you can find a good Psychiatrist who is also certified in psychotherapy. I was able to get over this simply by using self-help materials. But I may not have had it as bad as others, etc.. Everyone is different so if you feel like your MD and self-help materials aren't enough, find a good therapist.

You also want to make sure the psychotherapist, whether he's an MD or PHD, is qualified to work with OCD. Check out the ocd foundation for a listing of good therapists.

Also, get some books on anxiety and OCD. Even if you don't really have OCD or any other Anxiety disorder, these books will still help you.

The books I would recommend, in order prevalence, are:

1) The Imp of Mind, Lee Baer (all about pure O)
2) Brain Lock, Dr. Swartz
3) The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook, Bourne PHD
4) Read Lucinda Bassetts, From Panic to Power

But to get you started right away read the following article, and then read the rest of the articles on that site:

<A HREF="http://www.ocdonline.com/articlephillipson1.php" TARGET=_blank>http://www.ocdonline.com/articlephillipson1.php</A>

Don't worry because you will get through this. This is a lot more common then people realize. And just because people don't know about it and sounds strange to them, don't let that scare you or make you think you are crazy. Most people get these types of thoughts at one point or another, but they shrug them off as non-sense, OCD will not allow you to do this. Also, don't look for too much reassurance, this is a compulsion to make the obsession go away-- hence, why this is called Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

Be strong, be motived, be passionite, and most importanly, be resilent! You'll pull through.

Best of Luck,

-John