Stress Center Peer Support

Karen,

I hope you are still on the list with us. I have worked with the elderly and hospic for many years. I can tell you that your stress by caring for your Grandma and in her passing is a normal process! Very hard but Normal! Family memebers feel that they have to keep the fight in there loved ones, boost their spirits, pretend that all is well. But ya know what your Grandma did the best she could, you did the best you possibly could have done as well. I know for a fact that the spirit leaves the body upon death because I have felt it!

I know that sounds way out there, but I have. I have also known many many patients who have spoken to family members or friends in their last days and hours. People who have passes many years ago. In most cases I have had to ask family who John was, or Jane. Only to find out to their amazement that the person to whom the paitent was refereing to had infact died many years ago. This is quite common Karen! What I believe happens is that as we approach death with a prolonged illness, in the later stages we float from one side of the vail of life to the other and back again. We have all heard of the people you know who meet you at the gates of heaven. Well this in my opinion is and extention of such.

Also know that your Grandma is right here with you! She is involved in your life. Pay attention to the little things and how you feel, often times you will feel her presents. She is not gone Karen.

Greif is a very complicated process. Please trust that your Grandma is there, talk to her, feel her presents, ask her to help you with your anxiety and fears. Think of her passing as a continued journey, not a sudden tragic ending.

Good Luck Karen,I know this may all seem far fetched, but it is all true. You might wish to contact a hopice group in your area, they can help you alot. I am sure they too have some stories of their own.

Judy

Hi Judy:
That is a very comforting message. I know that it will help anyone.
Thank you for posting that.
Have a wonderful evening.

Karen:
I know you will grieve for a time. It is natural. But you'll be fine after awhile.
My parents have passed on, and a brother and 2 sisters. I still miss them sometimes. But it gets much better in time.
Wishing you healing.
MJ

Karen; I lost both of my parents 39 days apart in the summer of 2000. they had lived with us (my wife and I) for the previous 7 years. We visited them every day in the nursing home until they passed. We held their hand during their final moments here in body. We learned that death is a part of life. We came from spituality and will return to spirituality. Evryone and everything returns to it's source. The grieving process takes time too but is also a needed natural occurence in our lives. We grieved for the next year anytime we would have been doing something with them. Each birthday, holiday, family get together etc. brought some pain and some healing. You have what it takes to get through this. You demonstrated this by not showing your feelings in front your grandma. That is true love and courage! Allow life to embrace you, and God to lead you. You will find a psychaiatrist that is right for you and will adress your needs and explain his/her actions/decisions. Get back to visiting and reading this message board and dig your program out again. We want to hear soon what session you are on and what you are accomplishing with your astonishing stength and caring. You will not regret the time you spend with your mother. Parts of the trip are difficult but the journey will be remembered proudly and fondly. Be true to yourself, love yourself and respect yourself. I will pray for you. God Bless, stay strong and contact me any time you need encouragement. Bradley.

Hi Karen,
I am so sorry for all the pain in your life. My Grandmother was my whole world, pretty much raised me, and when she passed I felt my world just crumbling around me. It's now been almost 25 years and not a single day goes by that I don't think about Her and wish She was here with me. I have Her wedding band and it has never left my finger since I was given it. Time does make it easier...but that isn't a help to you right now. Nothing is hun. just be greatfull for all the good times and how much love you showed Her by being there with Her when She was so ill. She is with you each day but in a different way. Nobody can ever take away the memories, good times, the hugs..( I miss the BEAR HUGS from my Grandmother ), just every wonderfull hour you spent together. She lives in your heart forever.

Now in regards to your Mom...I have had a lot of experience with CHF and COPD while working as a Home Support Worker. Also my Dad had it. people can live many years with this so you need to look at it as just a health issue and not a death threat. Take life 1 day at a time. You need to be strong for yourself and your Mom. You want to keep her calm and as a Mom She won't be calm if you are breaking into a million pieces. My Heart just breaks for you and my prayers will go to you. Get back on the program...please..you really need it right now. If there is anything I can do please PM me. If you just want to talk to someone with a bit of knowledge about your Mom's condition or who loved their Grandmother as much as you I will help in any way I can.

God Bless And Help You To Be Strong

Karen, I'm new to this, but have been through everything you are going through rigt now and you need to take baby steps. Be kind to yourself it is OK to grieve your grandmother but don't look for trouble when trouble isn't there yet with your mother. Start by grieving your grandmother, get yourself a new Dr. soon. What are you taking Klonopin for? I took it to control dystonia, not for psycological issues, but it did help a little with OCD. There are so many other better anti-anxiety meds out there. Be kind to yourself. Take a deep breath. Play Session 1 & 2 again of the program. Do the relaxation again! Those are all baby steps you can take, pick one this week and one next week and just keep on plugging along the good Lord won't give you anymore than you can handle. Believe in that and cry out to him, he will hear you.

Karen,

I just wanted to send (((HUGS))).