Posted: Wed Nov 11, 2009 11:45 pm
I was diagnosed in January with bipolar. I didn't have super highs that I noticed, but i did go through periods where I felt so great and confident and creative, and then I'd be so low that I wanted to die. The depression was so bad I couldn't function, on top of being completely agoraphobic. I tried numerous antidepressants and they all made me tweak out in constant anxiety attacks, my mind would race so fast i didn't even know what I was thinking. Finally I contacted a psychiatrist rather than a general practitioner and asked if it was a possibility that i could be bipolar. I shared my theory that maybe the antidepressants would bump my mood up but there was nothing to keep it from going into the manic stage. She told me that's exactly what could happen and she put me on Lamictal. Its worked wonders for me, even though at first i was anxious because of some of the possible side effects. Lamictal is used more for people with harder depression in bipolar rather than mania. I've found it such a relief. A few months ago my bf of 2 years and I broke up and I was terrified that my life was gonna crash down. amazingly i found myself stronger and more confident and I was terrified to find that I was actually happy for the first time in about 7 years. I still have minor depression here and there which is reasonable given my situation but I think the meds have kept me from falling down completely. I'm scared of being happy because I'm not used to it. I'm afraid if something alters my happiness, I won't get it bad. I guess my fear is the depression getting me again.