Stress Center Peer Support

dear mark:
Unfortunately I am still unemployed. The past month I have been very, very uninterested in looking for a job.
I have fell into that black hole. For some reason the month of April has not been going very well for me. I lost
the motivation that I had for a short while there, that little spurt of hope. I hate to sound depressing, but
just giving you the facts about how it has been going the past month. Weather is great outside, in the
great outdoors, but the weather on the inside ( inside of me ) is sort of cloudy and dull. I must work to get
out of this "slump" or I will be here forever and not be able to get out at all. I have all the resources available
to me that I need to be a success and I have many skills that I have learned along the way to help me get to where
I need to be going, but nonetheless I am here in a lull, of sorts. Tried going to classes at the local job center,
that did not last too long. Tried going to some classes at a local womens center too, that was informative but
I took the classes I wanted to take and then that was the end of that. Last year I did some volunteer work for a
local non-profit organization and at first it was quite fullfilling, but I bailed on that little escapade after a while too.

The next thing I am going to try is going back to church. If this "church thing" doesn't "take" I don't know what I
will do. I certainly need "something" in my life and I have not found it yet. I am going to a church service
tomorrow morning in hopes of having some sort of "light bulb" moment where all the lights go on and the bells
and whistles go off. Well, maybe not quite so theatrical as that, but I am wanting something to happen tomorrow.
I grew up going to church and so it is not unknown to me. What is unknown to me is the deep spiritual connection
with something, with God. I have got to make this work, I feel like it is my last and only
hope. Maybe it is and maybe it isn't. Maybe I am expecting too much of myself and of the whole
experience. I guess I just need to breath and "go with the flow" and enjoy the moment while I am there during
the services. Stay Strong and Keep In Touch and Keep Working On The Program.
Lynda Lu

Hi Lynda, Its too bad it didnt work out for u but at least it was a good test. I guess have to be realistic and patient seeing as we have been off work for so long. Do u know anyone else on here or thru ur own connections who has had similar struggles in returning to work and who finally managed to succeed. It would be nice to see what they did to endure the long wait and the anxiety, and pride, of finally working again.
I too lost whatever little bit of motivation or desire I had to look for work, which is discouraging me even more now, the longer it goes on and the less I do. I know well that feeling of gloomy weather inside as I have felt that a lot. We both need to get out of this rut/slump and find some hope for and way to a better and more secure future. Its hard when we put that extra pressure on ourselves then beat ourselves up when we dont meet those expectations or hopes. I'm glad to hear u found some fulfilling voluneteer work. Is there some other work there or elsewhere u can do now, perhaps to reinspire u and remind u of the fulfillment u enjoyed?
How did the church thing go? Any lights, bells, whistles or signs there? Did u mean that church was ur last hope, or this program? Thats the way I have felt for a while, that if it doesnt work and I dont get better, I will be like this forever, or worse. Perhaps we do expect too much of ourselves, and want perfection or recovery NOW!, and beat ourselves up if we dont achieve it in the timeframe we would like to. Have u been working ur program? How far into it r u now? I know u have been working on these forums which is great and an important part of the program too I believe, to have those connections to others and to try to be of help/service to others, which helps urself too.
I agree - breathe, go with the flow and enjoy the moment, and each and every moment possible as we need to focus on what we have today and what we can and are able to do now, and not focus on the past and what we didnt do, or the future and what we feel we should/might be doing. One day at a time, one step at a time, one enjoyable moment at a time! I hope u enjoyed the services and got something out of it, even if it wasnt in the form that u expected or hoped for. We'll be staying in touch and keeping hope. Take care.

mark:

If you are looking for success stories, maybe you can check out the "Triumphs" section on this website. I have read a few
things here and there on the website about people finding jobs but I don't recall how long ago I read them or what
section they are listed in.

I don't do volunteer work any longer, but I DID do some volunteer work in 2011. I have some physical handicaps that are
keeping me from continuing in that direction. I WAS volunteering at the Arizona Humane Society last year. At first I
was voluntering right at the facility and then later on I was fostering pets in my own home. I have a history of doing
things short term, so it did not surprise me that this did not last. I had expected it to be "my calling", to help the
animals, but I found that I did not want to do it anymore after a while. It became physically exhausting and the
emotional bonding with the animals was a god-send at first, but it was very hard to give the animals back to the
Humane Society after "fostering" them in my home for 4, or 5 or 7 weeks. When you have a cat or dog in your home
for that long you become the "parent" of that animal and become SO attached to it. I just couldn't handle that part
any longer.

I am working on the program for the second time around. I worked on the program in 2010/2011. It just didn't
seem to "take" and I did not put in the effort that I should have. I am now working on the program for the 2nd
time around and I am on Session 8. I am working on each Session for about two weeks along with trying to read
some sort of inspirational / self-help / motivational book. There are a lot of things I have accomplished and
achieved in working on the program and a LOT of other things I need to be working on. Well, as Lucinda says
" it's a PROCESS".

As far as church, I did not have a "light bulb" moment when I went to my first church service on April 29th.
I pretty much went through the motions, sang the hymns, listened to the sermon. I did get greeted by two
nice people who introduced themselves to me and welcomed me to their church. I am not a very social person
and I thought that this was very nice that they talked to me and were kind in their words. I went to church
again on May 6th and I met another person during the service who introduced herself to me. She was a
very nice lady also. I attended a bible class after the church service and sat with my new acquaintance and
a few others. The church service was about an hour long and the bible class about 45 minutes. After the
service and the class I was invited out for "brunch" by the folks from the bible class. Since I had nothing
else to do and the restaurant was nearby and I was driving myself there I said "yes". I had lunch with 7 other
people from the church. I tried to listen and I tried to also participate in the conversation to some extent.
Of course, just like anyone else, I worried about saying the wrong thing or doing the wrong thing or whatever.
I was pretty quiet since it was my first meeting with them. I don't have much of a personality right now
because I have been away from people for so long and don't get joy from almost anything any longer, so I
felt a bit "dull" while I was having my "church experience". But I am not going to give up. I am going to attend
each Sunday and see if I can get some feeling back about anything in my life. I just want to live in that
precious present moment and enjoy the company of others. But I also want to learn about God and the Bible
and that will be the biggest challenge along the way. I don't plan on becoming a member of this church
unless I really feel it "calling to me" in some kind of emotional way. It is way to soon to think about that right
now anyhow. I am just going to go to the church each Sunday and see what I see and feel what I feel. At
least it will get me out of my apartment.

Keep up the great work you are doing on the program. I know you we can both make it if we really try.

Lynda

Dear Lynda, Thank u for ur reply. I read some of the triumphs posts, and they were inspiring, even tho the ones I read had to do with anx instead of depr, but I can still take something from their successes and efforts that provide me and others with hope. I do hope that I will be reading some of ur triumphs soon. I read an article in a magazine today about ppl who have been off work a long time due to mental illness, and what they should try to do to prepare for the uphill climb. It was noted that the regular unemployment rate is between 7-9% in our countries, and yet for those with (major) mental illness, it is somewhere between 70-90%. That is an incredible figure and it shows the desperate need for help with those afflicted.

Volunteering in the meantime is a very good idea and it has been a while since I did some, but it was also a long while I did not do much of anything while stuck in that deep, dark hole. If theree is some form of volunteering u can do, even with ur limitations, something not so physically or emotionally demanding, I think it would restore some sense of pride and accomplishment. Speaking of which, I hope u r acknowledging and rewarding ur self for any accomplishments you do, regardless of how small or seemingly unimportant. If u can focus on the things u can do and do have, instead of what u cant do or dont have, I am sure it will help u feel better. Any little progress, as part of the process of recovery, should be commended.

I'm glad to hear that altho u didnt have ur lightbulb moment, that u did make some contacts and connections. Maybe that is just what u needed and why u were drawn there. I can understand being quiet and worried th 1st time being out with them, but the important thing is u did it. Dont worry about what u may say or being 'dull'. Just be glad that ur making the effort after so long, and to continue down this path, and u will find it easier and more enjoyable along the way. Just the added socialization should do good things to ur self esteem and motivation to keep moving forward. Just keep going and trying and see where it leads u. You may just get a little bit of serenity out of it, and that is much better than staying home without it.

I feel I have really not been working my program very well. Like so many things, I have put it on teh back burner again. Mind u, I am feeling quite a bit better these past couple weeks, and I am sure the program has something to do with it, due in part to the connections and communication in teh chatroom and via pm's and posts on these forums, in both ways of hearing others stories and getting their support, and in trying to help others thru any bits of wisdom I may have to share. I really dont seem to have much inspiration or motivation to do much else these days, but at least I am making some progress in my mental health. With summer fast approaching and my kids vacations starting in 4 weeks, I feel I am not going to be able to get back to work before Labour Day at the earliest. I am in desperate need of some money, so if something does come long I will still consider taking it, altho the allure of spending more times with my kids this summer is not making me even want to try very hard. My employment counselor today told me it is getting quite quiet now on the job front anyways, so perhaps I will refocus my efforts again in August.

I look forward to hearing back from you, and to hear of ur, or anyone's, triumphs and accomplishments along the way to recovery and hopefully returning to work in the near future!