Stress Center Peer Support

HI Dawn,
A best friend all through my childhood is Dawn.I just love the name. Her Mom used to put the embroidered big D on all her clothes! hahaha she was a yr older than me and I got alot of her hand-me-downs. Even PJs with the big D!
I see you are in NC-so am I. I was raised here.I have lived a few other places but always ended up right back in the Blue Ridge Mnts. This little town is so remote we just got caller ID about 7-8 yrs. ago! It's a retirement town-my husband was raised here. I haven't had the heart to move out of this town since he died. I did sell and move but stayed here. I can't leave him. I lost him but I can drive to the cemetery. He was my love-forever-we met late in life-middle 30s-we loved each other so much together for 11 yrs. Caleb was 8 when he died. He was well known and loved here by alot of people who have become my family. They all help us out but you know how it is-they all have lives etc. I know to call on them but I don't anymore than is neccessary. I did have one meltdown about a yr ago-hahahaha that I actually "shared" hahaha It is so nice -although I would not wish this on anybody-to read your post. I notice as I type that I don't have to explain-or beat to death what I am doing here-you know already.
My son is home now-my next big deal is to start making him walk home from the bus-one reason I moved was to be closer to school-with the FMS/osteo and IBS and now ostomy my days are very unpredictable-mornings are esp. ruff with my pain on the scale being a 10 when I wake-up. The fog from the FMS keeps me from being able to drive until afternoon on most days. His walk home is really short-I think he should walk home-but-then the guilt trips start-he comes in so tired-and out of breath-intended to make me feel guilty. Then he goes into his day. Lately I have shown him some real anger-I feel so out of control-he is taller and alot stronger than I am-but he knows when he has pushed me too far. It ain't pretty. I can remember comparing my Mother to other Moms-but I would have never told her that. He does. He tells me how much more his BF Thomas' Mom does for Thomas.
Greiving was sort of put on-hold for me as the 1st 2 yrs. after I spent my energy on my son's trips to therapy and all of his grievances. I even homeschooled him for awhile so he didn't have to face school! His counselor was the reason he went back to public school-that was a big help to me.
Well, it is time to move around here a bit. I hope your day is good. Bless you for talking to me. I will check back.
Peace,Deb ^J^

Deb,
Just like the title of this thread says - Parenting is so Hard! Plus you are having to deal with being mother AND father...and dealing with your own grief (even if you back-burnered it, so to speak - you still deal with it on many levels, I'm sure). When you get to Session 8 - the Guilt and Worry Treadmill, I think you'll find a lot of assistance with your son. I'm sure he is an awesome kid who is just struggling with losing his father and the change in family dynamics and his LIFE right now. But he has leanred along the line how to push your buttons! You have homeschooled him - you are obviously very in tune with his needs and your responsibilities as a mother...and it sounds like you are a GREAT mother! It's not that your son is "The Enemy" or anything , but he's playing you...don't let him! Lucinda tells this story how her daughter tried to "push her buttons" and how she had to stand firm and say something like, "I'm a good mommy and you are not going to do this to me!" It's not easy, but it's just another part of parenting that we NEED to get a handle on...myself included!

I do love these boards for the same reasons you stated...everyone knows why we're here...they're heere for the same or similar reasons too! That comaraderie is so necessary and nurturing too!

Just remember that you need to take care of you and your health...you'll be no good to your son (or daughter) if you don't. And you'll be enve more of a help to them when you do. And truthfully...I think your son can help you out some. If you feel safe about the distance he has to walk...then it's good for his health to walk it...it's not too hard...he's a kid after all! They have energy to spare (whether they want us to know it or not!)!!

Drop me a message anytime you want to talk...you'll find lots of friends in here!

Have a blessed Easter.

Best,
Dawn

Deb -
PS - I don't know about you, but it's a BEAUTIFUL first day of Spring in this part of NC!!! Enjoy!!

parenting is hard but I wouldnt trade a job for it anyday. Its hard for us we are not rolling in dough but I made a choice to commit to the kids while they are young and impressionable. I do think that too many children young, preteen and teen are left alone to make choices they are not ready for due to parents taking on too much.

Im just giving an opinion. Im not implying judgement but my mom sacrificed tons of money to be home with my sister and I and all the kids in our neighborhood envied me and were always at my house cuz they had nobody. I want that for my kids.

Money is nice. Freedom is great but motherhood is priceless. Nothing would be more important to me than modling my kids and to hear them say they are missing me cuz Im so busy would be a huge sign that Im disconnecting.

If there isnt balance then you will feel the pressures and your actions will show anxiety and depression. We all have to make choices in life....My mom used to say to me.....If this were your last day on earth are you pleased with what youve done?......

Good question.
Dodger

Originally posted by Prv31Mom:
Deb -
PS - I don't know about you, but it's a BEAUTIFUL first day of Spring in this part of NC!!! Enjoy!!

OH it is beautiful today! We had so much rain-we need it but it's been feast or famine.

Could someone , please explain why fibro made "bed head "fashionable. guess I'm dense I just don't get it.

Happy Easter to all!
hey Dodger, thanks for your input. I guess it all goes back to our upbringing. As I am the youngest of 4 children and my mother was a single parent when I was 7. I saw her struggles and appreciated what she had to do for us kids to have money for just being able to get by in life. I resented my father for putting her in that position. I believe that everyone should be able to stand on their own and not have to rely on someone to take care of them. So I too have made the choice to be able to stand on my own. And me taking on this business is a huge undertaking, with no income for the 1st yr. So I am feeling this dependency that I don't like to feel. So I in my position appreciate people like you in your position. I believe it takes a community of people to help raise children.

Thanks

workingfool

Originally posted by ernajoy@windstream.net:
Could someone , please explain why fibro made "bed head "fashionable. guess I'm dense I just don't get it.

Believe me that's one you don't want to know the meaning of. Count your lucky whatever you don't know!
Peace,
Deb ^J^