Stress Center Peer Support

I think I was over doing the living in the moment thing cause my moments never included cleaning the house! I only work one day a week now and I'm still disorganized. I'm trying to find a balance between 'living in the moment' and getting into the time management mode to get organized. They seem to contradict each other. I guess if I could afford a housekeeper who did everything I could totally live in the moment, but I don't think that's going to happen, so I guess I will need to 'come out of the moment' to plan the house cleaning and organizing. ???

Your post hit way to close to home for me! Your house and mine must look nearly identical. I have two kids, I homeschool one, an indoor cat and indoor dog, work from home, and feel like my house is a pig-pen. I am currently working from the front door in a circular pattern, cleaning out anything that holds clutter. It does stink that no one can really tell how hard I've worked! It's all behind doors and in drawers!!! I am moving through the cleaning process as I am because of a book and website. You may like it. It's <A HREF="http://www.flylady.org," TARGET=_blank>www.flylady.org,</A> or maybe .com. It's very reassuring to those of us in this situation. This lady has put together a WORKABLE plan! She says we have C.H.A.O.S. - stands for "Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome". Cute. For me, I deplore the "it took you a while to get it this way, so you can't fix it overnight" thing, but it is so true. The plan sounds silly at first, but it does work. Whatever you decide to do, remember that there's a Texas girl going throught the same thing...you aren't alone! - donna

I do not work, but am a full time student, take care of my friends mom in between and have pets. My husband, like your is not able to help. (he is gone 12-14 hours a day working) Tag I am it for errands, shopping, making the phone calls at home, etc, etc. He does help; he takes out the trash, washes whatever cannot go into the dishwasher, will take laundry up the stairs, does bills, mows the lawn and is the poopie scooper. I understand he works and commutes many hours and needs a break.

I sure as heck do not get every thing done. Sometimes I just have time to clean the kitchens and baths, only to have hubby leave a mess on the stove and in all the sinks and I have to go back not even 24 hours later and clean it. He leaves stuff on the counters, on the table, etc, so that means I just cleaned yesterday and I need to go over what he left me, plus go to class, take the dog to the vet, Nana for a haircut or blood test, and then grocery shop and then I still have to make dinner and do homework. I have a hard time getting things done, I just do not obsess over it anymore.

I also realize that I am ONE person and have 24 hours in a day. I NEED rest too! I do not have a written list, but usually do the major grocery run one day a week and will stop for incidentals on another day. I REFUSE to go back every other day, so if we run out TOO BAD :p ! SHOULD HAVE been on the list . This "rule" has made MY life easier, it saves time. I usually try to do laundry, dinner and homework at the same time. Multi tasking helps. When I worked, I cooked dinner and did bills, or cooked and played with the dogs, wiped the kitchen down, ran laundry. Whenever I can multi task, I DO IT!

I too have neighbors that are stay at home moms, but most have cleaning crews that come once a week to clean their homes, change bedding and towels, and do laundry, etc. (my neighbors cleaning team (2 persons) are there for about 4+ hours. Some also have an "afterschool helper" come to help them when the kids come off the school bus. I have no kids and I have NO cleaning crew. TAG I AM IT! They also take their dogs to the groomer...I groom my own! (2 dogs from bath to blow dry to brush to teeth and ear cleaning to actually buzzering...6-7 hours every 5-6 weeks!) They also get a bath every 3 weeks.

I just try the best I can. My yard really could use a make over, but funds are low, the extra time it would require out of me is not there. I KNOW I already do enough, I am not going to beat myself to the ground. My husband works on home stuff here and there, so when the $$$ and time frees up for him, he can do it. I do enough inside and have enough on my plate. Yesterday I started cleaning the house at 7am and finished at 3, and that was not a Polish girl scrub down, but it was enough for me. I have a list of stuff I need to do...like clean out the kitchen cabinets, wash the upstairs windows (I already did the 1st floor), dust the upstairs walls, shampoo the carpets. That list is on the fridge. I will get to those items one by one when time permits. Sure I want it all done and squeaky clean, but IT AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN overnight. I did get estimates for cleaning people..we CANNOT afford it either. My step daughter & I are college students. She goes away to college and I attend community college because that is all we could afford. My situation is what it is. I just do the best I can with what I got.

Next weekend our church is helping others in our community, painting, mulching, building, fixing, etc. We are helping many people that do not have the ability and/or funds to make repairs, some are ill people, others are single moms. Maybe a church in your community does the same? The people we help do NOT have to be church members, just members of our or other surrounding communities. our church does this ALL year long, but this is the GREAT day of serving where we get 1500 people and just attack tasks that people need done. One of my friends is single and her toilet in her condo broke last year...someone from church came and fixed it, parts and ALL for FREE! I know there are people out there that are willing to help. Heck we are helping next weekend! We WANT to help and do what we can. Check with resources in your community and county office. Your husband, if he has a case worker, they can at times help you locate resources.

What has helped me is not to think of ALL the stuff that needs to get done because THAT rattles my cage and is unsettling for me because TAG I AM IT! I just do as much as I can when time permits. I also remind myself that I too need to rest, so I cannot run 24/7. It is a balance. Do what you can and do not neglect your needs either. I know things will not all get done overnight and that really is OK. This is where I find balance, to do what I can, treat myself well and to acknowledge AND accept that I REALLY did my best. Tomorrow is a new day and will provide more opportunities to get stuff off that list checked...in between dogs puking, husband leaving messes, laundry, cooking, dusting, homework.......

I WILL BE OK!

Thanks everyone. I have my husband scrubbing the kitchen counter right now, and he just cleaned the microwave. You'd think he was cleaning an entire mansion the way he huffs and puffs over it. He's a big guy, so its hard for him to move and bend easily, he's already complaining about his back. I told him "you think my back doesn't hurt too?". But it doesn't help. And he gets very impatient when doing things too. Its just the way he is, and at least he's doing it. He ALWAYS does all the dishes. He knows I hate doing that and since he doesn't mind it, he does them. He would also be the reason I could never have a housekeeper here too though. Sometimes he sleeps all day, sometimes he doesn't. And he would always be watching over her to see what she's doing and make sure she didn't steal anything. He's very distrustful and paranoid of everyone except me.

Sometimes I just have time to clean the kitchens and baths, only to have hubby leave a mess on the stove and in all the sinks and I have to go back not even 24 hours later and clean it.

LOL boy can I relate to this. I suppose it could be worse, he spends most of the day at his computer playing online games. It would be worse if he were up and around the house in my way all the time. I don't know if there's any community things like that here, but having church people at the house wouldn't work well with my husband here. They wouldn't stick around long once he started questioning and challenging everything about organized religions. He gets a kick out of 'freaking people out' as he puts it. Part of the problem of having a kids personality.
What I've been doing lately, is making a list not of what I need to do, but what I got done. That way instead of seeing things still there I didn't get to, I only see just how many things I did. And I'm trying to implement a plan to stop whatever I'm working on at 8:00 every night. So I give time to winding down.

"LOL boy can I relate to this. " Rhasslariel

I think most men are the same in that regard. My sister and my friends husbands do the same thing. Must be in their DNA! But honestly, most men do not pay attention to those details or they just do not matter to them. Venus and Mars....SO true!

Yeah, I just remembered something EASY that hubby probably can do that would not get him too winded. Dusting! Those swiffer things are GREAT! They have extension handles to get upper cabinets, lights and ceiling fans and they can reach to do baseboards, lower cabinets, table and chair legs. My Nana is short and she also cannot bend. The swiffer allows her to just be her height and she still feels like she is able to keep her home clean. Mr. Clean has something similar with the extension handle to scrub the bathtub and shower out. I used it because we have a deep soaker tub and I do not want to slip reaching in to clean it.

I understand that some people follow an organized religion and everyone has their own thing. We are organized as individuals, but are different. Our intention is NOT to convert anyone. We just get there, do our thing and get out. We even go to nursing homes and adult living communities for those that are medically, physically and/or mentally challenged. Most those people there cannot understand who we are or why we are there, we just are there to put a smile on their face. It is about doing what we believe in, that is helping those in need. No preaching, no strings.

GREAT idea! Write down what you DID accomplish. When you look at all the things you DID do in a day, you will amaze yourself that you indeed got THAT much done! And kudos to you to take time to wind down. That will help greatly to relax and feel human again. You are going to do wonderfully!

Our intention is NOT to convert anyone. We just get there, do our thing and get out. We even go to nursing homes and adult living communities for those that are medically, physically and/or mentally challenged. Most those people there cannot understand who we are or why we are there, we just are there to put a smile on their face. It is about doing what we believe in, that is helping those in need. No preaching, no strings.

Oh, I know. I've known people who where the bible-thumpers and wanted everyone to believe what they believed. And I've also know the ones who truly fit the description of 'good Christian'. Those who help selflessly, from the heart. My husband believes that everyone has a right to believe what they want as long as they're not hurting anyone. But he does like to challenge 'the establishment' so to speak. The people who follow what everyone else is doing because they can't or won't think for themselves. He calls them 'sheeple'. He enjoys making those types squirm. And he has a very hard time believing that people aren't looking for something in return. A product of what his life has been like.
I use the Swiffer wet pads all the time. He'll use them occasionally, but the smells of the cleaning agents bother him. He also can't stand getting stuff like that on his hands. And he gets 'wiped out' with the littlest effort at something. It can be tough.

That will help greatly to relax and feel human again. You are going to do wonderfully!

Thanks. I hope so. I laugh reading this because this is something I can picture my husband cringing about. The 'feeling human' part. He refuses to think of himself as a human. He aways says he hates humans. That's how he views the world, him against the humans. A lot of the time, I know just how he feels.

here is my two cents worth on the cleaning, from a guys persective. i am single now, have been for the past 6 years. I was always pretty handy so i was a good "putzer" doing stuff around the house. i am self employed and have an office. my clutter has always been my paperwork. a big easing of my mind has been the fact that i will never be a good paperwork guy, so i am trying to pay someone to help me. as for cleaning, at 50 years old, i have no desire to have the big house with the yard, so I have a condo. just me and my dog, who sheds a ton. sometimes i feel like a slob, but when people come by unnexpectedly, they usually compliment me on how nice my place look, when i always think my place is a mess. the nice thing about having a little place (1200 sq feet) is it takes no time to get it clean. Once again the big thing about us changing our attitude is how we perceive things. i have learned not to get so caught up in the paperwork issue, hire someone and to realize that my place is pretty clean. on the otherhand if i feel it is messy, i tackle those places where i spend the most time, which is kitchen and living room.
keep up the good work , we will all get better by sharing