Stress Center Peer Support

CG822,
I hated it too.
It's not what they say, for the most part.

We all have been there. Many times. Me too, and I would let myself be offended or angry or upset, whatever, for a few hours or days.
BUT----
We can take the nastiest comment on the face of the earth and learn to NOT let it ruin our day, week, whatever.
AND we can learn not to obsessively scrutinize what other people say, particularly when it has the potential to be offensive. And sometimes because it's just a stupid comment.

That's just one of the things so awesome about this program; Learning to "shake things off" when that's all the attention "it" deserves and learning to UNDER react to things we have spent a lifetime learning to overreact to.

Just as Otama stated, somewhat modified "...It's how we let them affect us"
It's our reaction. How we chose to react. And yes we can change how we react. It just takes practice.
It's freedom from all the frustration.

hugs

SO how do we let it not effect us?! I have health anxieties, so When people speak of illnesses, I automatically think I have them. Its a horrible feeling. cuz there is always a "well what if I really do have that" in the back of my head. ugh!~!! Sometimes I feel everything ive taught myself went down the drain

CG,

it takes time.

for me, i always has been social acceptance issues at the root of my anxiety. the need to "fit in" and "be accepted". growing up, i had a best friend and we were tight. but one day, he and his family moved away, and it took years of searching before i finally made another best friend.

during that search, my parents moved my sister and i out of catholic school and into public school, and that was a culture shock. i was one of the new kids, and had such a hard time fitting in. i can remember lunch time being really bad as i would sit alone as the social "cliques" that i wanted to be a part of wanted no part of me.

for years, i have tried to figure out why. i had a session with my counselor yesterday and we talked about this. she suggested that perhaps there is no answer. we try to search for a reason (did I say something, is my hair standing up, am I not "cool"), but in reality kids and oftentimes certain people can just be cruel.

it is the nature of kids and some adults.

when my panic attacks and anxiety started this past march and april for me due to a horrible job, i once again tried to figure out why. what did i do? alot of the issues for me had to do with not being accepted by the group. once again, i was a transfer into a new department and office, so they all already knew each other. but i was never accepted into the unit (perhaps, because they could sense my ultimately not wanting to be there, much like the kids sensing how badly I wanted to be "in" with their group), and left the job.

my point being, i think that you should take the pressure off of yourself and stop thinking that it was directed towards you. There have been references in the Book column for a book called "The 4 Agreements". i suggest you to get it. one of the chapters goes after this topic.

it may help you realize that the toxic things that people spew out are not due to you at all. it is their problem. it is THEIR issue to deal with. not yours.