Prayer for me is FOOD FOR MY SOUL & SPIRIT. During my journey to recovery, God has heard me many a x's - heck even multiple x's per day. God doesn't care - he cares ONLY that you GO TO HIM, that you know HE IS THERE FOR YOU & WILL NEVER FORSAKE YOU - God is there for you THRU THICK N THIN. God just wants you to tell him ALL YOUR FEARS/PAINS, ETC - give them to him - share them w/ him.
When my anxiety went dwn 3 yrs ago NEXT MONTH(my how time fly's) - I was bad off - really bad, lord have mercy. When anxiety disorder triggered in Apr-2005, I was a CO-MINGLED EMOTIONAL KNOT/MESS. After I initiated therapy w/ a psychiatrist, I was diagnosed w/ ANXIETY DISORDER, PANIC ATTACKS, & PTSD. As a result of the diagnosis & my state @ that time, I was not able to work. I was beyond afraid - not only cause of what I was experiencing in their totality - but the diagnosis itself & how cumulatively they were INHIBITING ME + RESTRICTING ME & MY ABILITY TO ...... After my diagnosis, I WENT TO GOD. No, I am not A SEASONAL BELIEVER - God has had my heart fr long ago - rather, I went to church - morning mass everyday for mths, because I FELT IN OVER MY HEAD - CONFUSED/UNSURE/INSECURE/AFRAID-PETRIFIED & I SO DESPERATELY NEEDED HIS GUIDANCE.
See for me, going to church ='d this ex: you know how you can talk to your friend on the phone - yet there are sometimes you just need to see that person in PERSON & you may go to their home? That's how I felt about church & God @ the initiation of my anxiety disorder. I went to morning mass - waited for it to finish, went to the alter + knelt dwn w/ my heels touching my backside + arms extended - crying in humbled mercy & I TOLD GOD ALL - I GAVE IT ALL TO HIM. Were there times I was repetative w/ things, I AM SURE I WAS. I was very insecure at that time & as a result, I regurgitated things lots of times - I was, indirectly looking to reassure myself & looking for reassurance fr God. Again, God didn't care. God is my Dad - my best friend - he comes 1st & when I was afraid - I WENT TO HIM.
Never once, during that time & throughout my journey - did I look for a CURE - for God to MAKE IT ALL GO AWAY - I never sat back complacently as if to say to God "ok, I'm waiting, make it go away = fix it" - no, never. Experience has taught me that never works, lol. Rather, w/ sincerity, I spoke to God & asked "show me/tell me this won't be my FOREVER - help me to help myself - show me the way YOU KNOW IS BEST FOR ME - IN A WAY YOU KNOW IS BEST - I am willing to feel the pain necessary for change to happen - I am willing to do the work". Every morning I prayed & spoke to God w/ variations of the same ^^^^above mentioned prayer - adding whatever I was feeling on that particular day or whatever I was learning.
God was my strength when I was not able to be - he knew my heart & he knew I was sincere & I trusted him & loved him, yes even when I was repetative - God loves us & he could care less if we say the same thing 10 X'S - he only cares that you go to him + that you love him + that you know he loves you & would NEVER EVER forsake you + that you tell him all - give him your burdens/woes/fears/pains - trust in him & mean it when you say I TRUST YOU GOD - know why? Well, I will guarantee you this: <span class="ev_code_RED">God will give you/help you w/ what he KNOWS is best for you - WHEN he knows is best for you - not what you want per say, when you want it. Yes, I'm being repetative - that is me, lol - God will never forsake you - never ever. </span>
Having recovered fr anxiety disorder - 1 of the greatest things to come out of all this(not the only thing) IS MY RELATIONSHIP W/ GOD - 1 OF CERTAINTY/MATURITY/TRUST/LOVE/RESPECT/HONOUR/OBIEDIENCE/FRIENDSHIP - yes, I've had him all my life - now, though - going thru this MAJOR JOURNEY - life changing journey - MY GREATEST ASSEST IS I have God - he is in my heart - he comes 1st, I am him & no doubt about that.
God guided me, he showed me a way - w/o doing it for me, he was my strength when I was weak & maybe stubborn @ times

I was willing to learn & he was willing to teach. Recovery fr anxiety disorder & depression is not easy - its hard, takes time, the process is slow & methodical, - changing oneself is 1 of the hardest things to do - BUT IT IS 100% POSSIBLE. Make recovery your #1 priority - work it like you never have anything else before & when you need God - go to him, talk to him & if your repetative - WHO CARES - open your heart to him - for that is what God cares about most of all. After all, we are his children.
Continued recovery to you all.
LENORE