Support circle for depression

Daizy · Post by **Daizy** » Tue Feb 03, 2009 3:48 am

I find myself putting things off, like this program. My husband takes up a lot of my time and does not care for me to be here at the computer. He is very dominating and does not like it when I go away. So here I am. Could someone please give me some ideas on what to do. Thank you

pecos · Post by **pecos** » Tue Feb 03, 2009 8:05 am

Daizy, how far along in the program are you? Sounds like you can use Session 7 skills with your husband. He isn’t dominating your life without your express permission. No one makes us do anything unless we allow them to control us. So what if he doesn’t like it when you go away. How far away are you going? To the next room to work on your program CD’s, coaching DVD’s and homework, right? You are asking someone to tell you what to do. Please get to work on this program and when you finish through Session 7, I bet you realize YOU are the person who gives yourself ideas about what you need to do. Not up to me, or your husband, or anyone else. It’s up to you. If you want to take the lead in your own life, I predict you will enjoy your life quite a lot.
By the way, when was the last time your husband acquiesced to what you wanted? Does he ask you for permission before he does anything? Does he wait for your approval before he selects his daily routine? Ask yourself why you do this. And then get busy and work this program. Give yourself permission, and then do it. If you cannot give yourself permission, then you might as well give up and put the program in the closet.

Rainey Cummings · Post by **Rainey Cummings** » Tue Feb 03, 2009 12:23 pm

I would be interested in joining the program for depression. I was diagnosed with severe depression 10 years ago. I have been hospitalized 3 times since my diagnosis. I am now on disability because I can't function in the real world. I am also agoraphobic. I have not driven in 3 years. I can't go to social functions or shopping, sometimes I can't even handle seeing my grandchildren when they come to visit. I need advice on anything that has helped others. I am on the program starting week 2. My husband bought it for me to help me get off all the meds I am on.

Look forward to any advice I can get

Daizy · Post by **Daizy** » Thu Feb 05, 2009 9:50 am

Pecos, I am not very far along in the program and not able to spend a lot of time working on it. My husband is disabled and I wait on him most of the day. By going away, I mean to lunch with a friend or a movie.

But you are right. I need to really get started in the program and not let others dictate what I can and can not do.

I do feel better after I have spent time with the CDs and work book. I need to make time for myself.

Thank you for being to the point.

pecos · Post by **pecos** » Thu Feb 05, 2009 11:57 am

Daizy, I am sorry to hear about your husband's disability, and glad to know you are not allowing that to be an excuse to stay stuck. You can do this. The better you feel, the better everyone around you will feel. Kind regards.

Daizy · Post by **Daizy** » Fri Feb 06, 2009 4:52 am

Thank you Pecos. I am just starting week 4. I know I have not given it my full attention. So I need to keep going thru them.

One of my problems is thinking of the past a lot. I came from a very negative and destructive family. So it is a little difficult, but I will make it.

Again Thank you

pecos · Post by **pecos** » Fri Feb 06, 2009 12:59 pm

Our memories are all stored in the same place in our brain. However, they are saved differently according to whether they were good or bad, happy or sad. Think of good memories as storing in the folder color blue. Bad memories are stored in the folder color red. Good equals blue, cool. Bad equals red, hot. When we are depressed the memories we bring forth are primarily pulled out of the red folder. They are negative memories. When depressed that’s about all we can retrieve: just a bunch of unhappy negative memories. It’s as if that’s all our life history included. We can easily begin to believe our life was just one bad event after another, and that everything was bleak and gray. It’s not because that is what’s true, but that is how our brain works. For instance, when our life is in a happy positive place, we tend to recall happy positive memories. Where we are at mood-wise determines the folder color most accessible to us at that time because our mood determines the chemistry going on in our brain. Positive chemistry will make our blue folder most accessible. Negative chemistry makes the red folder most accessible.

I don’t know if this helps, but if you try recognizing that the more you change your way of thinking, the more your memories of the past will modify, as well. You do have a lot of positive memories. You just aren’t accessing them. The better you get at using the Session Three skills, the more you will get a handle on changing your brain chemistry. It takes a lot of hard work, but it does happen.

And, it takes continued effort, even after we finish the program. I had a very successful completion of this program, yet I cannot get lazy and let the old ways of thinking take over. I have to work on stomping negative thinking every day. It’s such a bad habit, and we do it for so many years, it only makes sense it will take time to master the more positive ways of thinking. I do have more access to the blue folders these days. And soon, I believe you will, too.

Journal often, journal daily. That is the secret. When you put the negatives down on paper, you can challenge their validity. You can discover the stuff you tell yourself all the time is not reasonable, and is usually not true. You will clear that fiction from your mind.

Best wishes.

Daizy · Post by **Daizy** » Sat Feb 07, 2009 5:59 am

Thank you Pecos,

I am trying to the minute I start the negative toughts to say stop and I start singing anything that pops up in my head. I can't sing but it makes me feel better.

Verna1958 · Post by **Verna1958** » Sat Feb 07, 2009 3:09 pm

I also struggle daily with depression. Count me in.

Jaylynn · Post by **Jaylynn** » Mon Feb 16, 2009 9:49 am

I would also like to join this group as I have suffered from depression much longer than anxiety. I appreciate your effort.