Hi All!!!!
I am so sorry that I haven't been here, posting and checking in on dear diary. Rick, I loved both your songs that you posted on LTT Facebook.
I have SO MUCH TO REPORT, AND ALL MOSTLY GREAT NEWS.
I want to write it all down right now this very minute, but alas, I am exhausted from a full day of work-10-7 and I loved it.
I opened and closed and trained a new girl today at the little boutique on the beach where I work. SO MUCH FUN!!!
I will update you all on my adventures and tell you secrets that I can't post on FB just yet.
Suffice it to say that I'm very happy.
Till tomorrow, (my day off)
XOXOXOXOXOXO
Love,
Jamie
Dear Diary
Re: Dear Diary
Hi again Rick and Tina,
Rick, it's nice to see you posting about your mom. She's so lucky to have you and you're so lucky to have her. Dr. K. taught us all so much about the value of life and that as long as our heart is still beating we have value and worth. Love is like oxygen. Without it we die. (imho)
Tina, you are so remarkable and I only wish you knew how much I think of you. Every day in fact I think of the three of you. Tina, Marilyn and Rick. The three people who secretly saved me. Don't deny it. Just accept it. You 'virtually' saved my life.
It's funny but when I was working at the hotel (and destroying my back) we had a motivational speaker come and speak to us and his message was..."we all have approximately 70 summers." Some have more, some have less. Be happy. Help others, make them count.
I quit soon after, as my back couldn't handle it but it also wasn't a great fit for me. It was a great decision.
So...I'll back up a bit.
Brooke is out of prison and living in a sort of shelter in NY and attending daily outpatient drug programs and out patient ED programs. Her ED is still her biggest enemy. She has been clean for 11 months now and we talk daily. Her goal is to be a drug counselor and I hope she becomes one. Her long days in prison were unbearable for both of us but somehow we both survived.
She is on parole for 18 months. Serious parole. We both take things one day at a time and I continue to pray for her daily.
Julie was married on August 4th to a fabulous man and they have full custody of Scott's daughter, also named Julie. She's three years old and my Julie has been doing a fantastic job and they are together constantly. We facetime each other every weekend and Little Julie is so cute. It's hard for my Julie though. She didn't expect to be a full time stepmom, but Scott was awarded full Custody and Julie's mother has 2 supervised visits a week. My Julie has enrolled her in preschool, the same school where my Julie teaches, but a different classroom, different teacher.
My Julie is 8 1/2 weeks pregnant.
Almost a honeymoon baby. I knew she wanted to start a family quickly but I think we were all a little surprised that it was this quick. (this is a secret because she is only in her first trimester) But, she has already had two ultrasounds, one at 6 weeks and one at 8 weeks. She heard the baby's heartbeat at 6 weeks!!!! So, this fiercely proved to me that life truly does start at conception. The baby, no bigger then a pea at 6 weeks, (I saw the ultrasound pictures) had a heartbeat. Such a miracle. Wow.
So, Dr. Welby said that we are all starting new beginnings together. All of us.
Brooke is starting fresh, clean and sober. Julie is newly married with a new family and a new life growing inside of her.
(She's coming to visit the first week in December and I can't wait)
I have a new job and I LOVE it. And, it pays more then the hotel job. I'm working in a little boutique on the beach, one block from my house so I ride my bike, and it's called Dede's. Dede's has been around forever but a new owner bought it in August and redid the whole store and hired a new team. I love all of my co workers and I have been given a key to the shop, I open and close the shop..(not always easy, harder then it sounds closing the register and making sure it all evens out)
Yesterday we broke a record in sales, ever. It was just me and Rachel, another girl and I was literally pulling ladies off of the side walk and offering them lemonade and cookies. Once they came into the store it was easy to sell them beautiful shoes, jewelry and handbags. This town is not hurting financially.
Tina, I am also swimming 42 laps a day in Claudia's swimming pool. I'm not sure how many yards it is but it is fairly large. I'm tone and fit. I'm amazed, but it is a great way to think. When I swim I do ALOT of thinking and you three are always on my mind.
John is working at Brooks Brothers part time and likes it but threatens to quit every day. (to me) It's funny to see him in a different role. I think it's good for him to help others, even if it is simply helping them pick out a suit. He is also a big brother to a 6 year old named Gavin. Gavin and John have gone out a few times and I haven't joined them yet. It's John's first time truly volunteering and it's important that he do this for and by himself. (I think)
So, John is once again engaged in life. But Claudia says that she can see in his eyes the same thing she saw in her father's eyes when he first started to decline. It's hard to describe, but occasionally I see it. He also repeats himself over and over.
All I know is I am trying to be in love with him again. I'm trying to remember all the good things about him. I do love him but in a different way. A tender way. I care about him and that's enough. He comes in with Coco our dog to the shop when he is off and I'm working and that annoys me, but I don't show it.
I'm going to skip over my mother, because something happened with her that would truly shock you. She sent me the most abusive email that set me back in time and caused major flashbacks. Dr. Welby helped me through it and the good thing was I finally had proof. I finally was able to say..."read this, Dr. Welby"...This is what I tried to tell you about my mother but could never find the words.
The other good news about the horrible, sick email was I forwarded it to my older brother and told him, finally, that this has been happening my whole life with my mother and he needs to know it and recognize it. I asked him if he would EVER stand up for me. (basically my mother accused me of flying to NY and breaking into her house and stealing her Ralph Lauren sweater and her new pajamas and her cashmere shawl. She said I could keep the sweater that I 'stole' as I probably stretched it out because my breasts were huge and disgusting.) Ok, enough. You get the picture.
My brother did stick up for me and my mother told him she felt embarrassed. Whatever. Dr. Welby said I should have no further contact with her because of all of the physical,mental and emotional abuse that I have endured from her.
She told me that I no longer need anybody's help. I'm not that little girl trying to tell the world that I was being abused and no one believed me or would listen.
She said she believed me. That's enough for me.
Somebody finally believed me.
My brother Scott is in a serious life threatening depression. We are all worried and my brother John asked me to step in and take charge. Welby didn't want me to but I decided I needed to.
I've been in touch with Dr. K and he suggested Scott see his office for Ketamine infusions that would offer an almost immediate relief. Scott just says "I'll think about it." So, I keep suggesting and he keeps delaying treatment. He attends Adult Children of Alcoholics meetings, NA meetings, therapy and he is also on anti depressants. Some days he can't get out of bed.
Life can be such a struggle, but ultimately it is up to each and every one of us to make a change if needed. I chose life years ago when I met all of you.
Oh, before I forget, I went for a physical and one thing lead to another via my blood work. After a few weeks of fear and many tests I have a benign tumor in my L-5 lumbar and several discs that are "something or other--I can't remember." I went back for follow up labs this week and the doctor wasn't happy. (I don't know why) So, I am having more labs done this week to get to the bottom of whatever he is looking for. At first it was multiple myeloma as my bloodwork started to point in that direction, or leukemia, but he ruled that out, Thank God.
So, hopefully this new bloodwork will be fine.
Ok, that's all for now. I love living in Vero Beach, Fl and I will be watching the debate with all of you tomorrow night.
This time it's in Florida, so hopefully Tina, Obama won't be able to blame the altitude.
I love you all.
Love,
J.
XOXOXOXOXOXO
PS
Sorry I didn't put in appropriate commas where they belong. Commas are not important at the moment. It was more important that I get my words out.
((((((((LOVE))))))))
Rick, it's nice to see you posting about your mom. She's so lucky to have you and you're so lucky to have her. Dr. K. taught us all so much about the value of life and that as long as our heart is still beating we have value and worth. Love is like oxygen. Without it we die. (imho)
Tina, you are so remarkable and I only wish you knew how much I think of you. Every day in fact I think of the three of you. Tina, Marilyn and Rick. The three people who secretly saved me. Don't deny it. Just accept it. You 'virtually' saved my life.
It's funny but when I was working at the hotel (and destroying my back) we had a motivational speaker come and speak to us and his message was..."we all have approximately 70 summers." Some have more, some have less. Be happy. Help others, make them count.
I quit soon after, as my back couldn't handle it but it also wasn't a great fit for me. It was a great decision.
So...I'll back up a bit.
Brooke is out of prison and living in a sort of shelter in NY and attending daily outpatient drug programs and out patient ED programs. Her ED is still her biggest enemy. She has been clean for 11 months now and we talk daily. Her goal is to be a drug counselor and I hope she becomes one. Her long days in prison were unbearable for both of us but somehow we both survived.
She is on parole for 18 months. Serious parole. We both take things one day at a time and I continue to pray for her daily.
Julie was married on August 4th to a fabulous man and they have full custody of Scott's daughter, also named Julie. She's three years old and my Julie has been doing a fantastic job and they are together constantly. We facetime each other every weekend and Little Julie is so cute. It's hard for my Julie though. She didn't expect to be a full time stepmom, but Scott was awarded full Custody and Julie's mother has 2 supervised visits a week. My Julie has enrolled her in preschool, the same school where my Julie teaches, but a different classroom, different teacher.
My Julie is 8 1/2 weeks pregnant.
Almost a honeymoon baby. I knew she wanted to start a family quickly but I think we were all a little surprised that it was this quick. (this is a secret because she is only in her first trimester) But, she has already had two ultrasounds, one at 6 weeks and one at 8 weeks. She heard the baby's heartbeat at 6 weeks!!!! So, this fiercely proved to me that life truly does start at conception. The baby, no bigger then a pea at 6 weeks, (I saw the ultrasound pictures) had a heartbeat. Such a miracle. Wow.So, Dr. Welby said that we are all starting new beginnings together. All of us.
Brooke is starting fresh, clean and sober. Julie is newly married with a new family and a new life growing inside of her.
(She's coming to visit the first week in December and I can't wait)
I have a new job and I LOVE it. And, it pays more then the hotel job. I'm working in a little boutique on the beach, one block from my house so I ride my bike, and it's called Dede's. Dede's has been around forever but a new owner bought it in August and redid the whole store and hired a new team. I love all of my co workers and I have been given a key to the shop, I open and close the shop..(not always easy, harder then it sounds closing the register and making sure it all evens out)
Yesterday we broke a record in sales, ever. It was just me and Rachel, another girl and I was literally pulling ladies off of the side walk and offering them lemonade and cookies. Once they came into the store it was easy to sell them beautiful shoes, jewelry and handbags. This town is not hurting financially.
Tina, I am also swimming 42 laps a day in Claudia's swimming pool. I'm not sure how many yards it is but it is fairly large. I'm tone and fit. I'm amazed, but it is a great way to think. When I swim I do ALOT of thinking and you three are always on my mind.
John is working at Brooks Brothers part time and likes it but threatens to quit every day. (to me) It's funny to see him in a different role. I think it's good for him to help others, even if it is simply helping them pick out a suit. He is also a big brother to a 6 year old named Gavin. Gavin and John have gone out a few times and I haven't joined them yet. It's John's first time truly volunteering and it's important that he do this for and by himself. (I think)
So, John is once again engaged in life. But Claudia says that she can see in his eyes the same thing she saw in her father's eyes when he first started to decline. It's hard to describe, but occasionally I see it. He also repeats himself over and over.
All I know is I am trying to be in love with him again. I'm trying to remember all the good things about him. I do love him but in a different way. A tender way. I care about him and that's enough. He comes in with Coco our dog to the shop when he is off and I'm working and that annoys me, but I don't show it.
I'm going to skip over my mother, because something happened with her that would truly shock you. She sent me the most abusive email that set me back in time and caused major flashbacks. Dr. Welby helped me through it and the good thing was I finally had proof. I finally was able to say..."read this, Dr. Welby"...This is what I tried to tell you about my mother but could never find the words.
The other good news about the horrible, sick email was I forwarded it to my older brother and told him, finally, that this has been happening my whole life with my mother and he needs to know it and recognize it. I asked him if he would EVER stand up for me. (basically my mother accused me of flying to NY and breaking into her house and stealing her Ralph Lauren sweater and her new pajamas and her cashmere shawl. She said I could keep the sweater that I 'stole' as I probably stretched it out because my breasts were huge and disgusting.) Ok, enough. You get the picture.
My brother did stick up for me and my mother told him she felt embarrassed. Whatever. Dr. Welby said I should have no further contact with her because of all of the physical,mental and emotional abuse that I have endured from her.
She told me that I no longer need anybody's help. I'm not that little girl trying to tell the world that I was being abused and no one believed me or would listen.
She said she believed me. That's enough for me.
Somebody finally believed me.
My brother Scott is in a serious life threatening depression. We are all worried and my brother John asked me to step in and take charge. Welby didn't want me to but I decided I needed to.
I've been in touch with Dr. K and he suggested Scott see his office for Ketamine infusions that would offer an almost immediate relief. Scott just says "I'll think about it." So, I keep suggesting and he keeps delaying treatment. He attends Adult Children of Alcoholics meetings, NA meetings, therapy and he is also on anti depressants. Some days he can't get out of bed.
Life can be such a struggle, but ultimately it is up to each and every one of us to make a change if needed. I chose life years ago when I met all of you.
Oh, before I forget, I went for a physical and one thing lead to another via my blood work. After a few weeks of fear and many tests I have a benign tumor in my L-5 lumbar and several discs that are "something or other--I can't remember." I went back for follow up labs this week and the doctor wasn't happy. (I don't know why) So, I am having more labs done this week to get to the bottom of whatever he is looking for. At first it was multiple myeloma as my bloodwork started to point in that direction, or leukemia, but he ruled that out, Thank God.
So, hopefully this new bloodwork will be fine.
Ok, that's all for now. I love living in Vero Beach, Fl and I will be watching the debate with all of you tomorrow night.
This time it's in Florida, so hopefully Tina, Obama won't be able to blame the altitude.
I love you all.
Love,
J.
XOXOXOXOXOXO
PS
Sorry I didn't put in appropriate commas where they belong. Commas are not important at the moment. It was more important that I get my words out.
((((((((LOVE))))))))
Last edited by Loveslife on Sun Oct 21, 2012 2:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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tina martin
- Posts: 792
- Joined: Sun Nov 14, 2010 9:24 pm
Re: Dear Diary
Incredible, J. Thank you for posting this in the midst of all you do. Simply fantastic, connected to so many, helping so many. Would be totally overwhelming for me but I'm changed too. My biggest goal is no stress which will exact its toll. I meditate twice a day, yoga classes twice a week and practice every day, walk every day. So far so good.
I would tell you to try and take care of your health as best as possible. Swimming is excellent, as is biking, liking your job, being at peace with John, all go a long way to keeping you well. Being in touch with Brooke is essential, but as to your mother, you made the right decision. The brother issue was my achilles heel, so won't say much there. You can't live his life for him. Julie has a good husband worth everything. Hope all goes well with baby.
This is a lovely unexpected present from you which I cherish. Our times together are part of me for all time, Love always......T
I would tell you to try and take care of your health as best as possible. Swimming is excellent, as is biking, liking your job, being at peace with John, all go a long way to keeping you well. Being in touch with Brooke is essential, but as to your mother, you made the right decision. The brother issue was my achilles heel, so won't say much there. You can't live his life for him. Julie has a good husband worth everything. Hope all goes well with baby.
This is a lovely unexpected present from you which I cherish. Our times together are part of me for all time, Love always......T
Re: Dear Diary
Happy Thanksgiving to one and all, Especially to Tina and Rick,
Let's see, where did we leave off....I'm not sure but I have some news.
I think you know that I started working part time in a little retail boutique two blocks from my house and one block from the beach. It's called Dede's and we sell just darling shoes, clothing and accessories. The shop has been in business for 25 years but it finally has a new owner called Wendy, and Wendy is a brilliant marketer. She redecorated and revamped the whole shop to bring it current, and then she hired me.
Angie is our Manager of Media and she is a professional photographer. She's great. About my age and we get along really well. We work great as a team in all areas. Sales, marketing, ordering, etc.
But Guess What...First, Wendy wrote me a beautiful letter and gave me a $250.00 bonus for all of my hard work and productivity. I was thrilled and never expected it.
Last week she promoted me to Assistant Manager and wrote a long, lovely letter to our staff telling them that if they have any questions they should direct them to either Angie or me. She also gave me a decent raise.
I've only been there for about 2 months. I AM SO HAPPY. I never dreamed I could be this happy. I'm making new friends and have a job I love and have people I love working with. I just can't believe it.
I walk to work along the beach (it takes about 6 minutes), unlock the back door, turn on the lights, the radio, take the phone out of the charger, put my purse and tote bag away, go to the front of our shop and turn on the front shop lights, turn the sign on the door from 'closed' to 'open', unlock the front door, and voila, my day begins.
I do hope you are all doing well and I NEVER forget that I wouldn't be here if it weren't for the two of you, and Marilyn.
((((((((((((((((((LOVE))))))))))))))))))))
J.
XOXOXOXOXO
Let's see, where did we leave off....I'm not sure but I have some news.
I think you know that I started working part time in a little retail boutique two blocks from my house and one block from the beach. It's called Dede's and we sell just darling shoes, clothing and accessories. The shop has been in business for 25 years but it finally has a new owner called Wendy, and Wendy is a brilliant marketer. She redecorated and revamped the whole shop to bring it current, and then she hired me.
Angie is our Manager of Media and she is a professional photographer. She's great. About my age and we get along really well. We work great as a team in all areas. Sales, marketing, ordering, etc.
But Guess What...First, Wendy wrote me a beautiful letter and gave me a $250.00 bonus for all of my hard work and productivity. I was thrilled and never expected it.
Last week she promoted me to Assistant Manager and wrote a long, lovely letter to our staff telling them that if they have any questions they should direct them to either Angie or me. She also gave me a decent raise.
I've only been there for about 2 months. I AM SO HAPPY. I never dreamed I could be this happy. I'm making new friends and have a job I love and have people I love working with. I just can't believe it.
I walk to work along the beach (it takes about 6 minutes), unlock the back door, turn on the lights, the radio, take the phone out of the charger, put my purse and tote bag away, go to the front of our shop and turn on the front shop lights, turn the sign on the door from 'closed' to 'open', unlock the front door, and voila, my day begins.
I do hope you are all doing well and I NEVER forget that I wouldn't be here if it weren't for the two of you, and Marilyn.
((((((((((((((((((LOVE))))))))))))))))))))
J.
XOXOXOXOXO
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tina martin
- Posts: 792
- Joined: Sun Nov 14, 2010 9:24 pm
Re: Dear Diary
It is always so wonderful to hear from you, J. What is happening work wise is the best. Perfect for you. And the reason you are there is you, no-one else. Your exceptional abilities in many ways are enabling these rewards now. I know how much I've learned and grown in these years since 2008. Take nothing for granted, relish each day as perhaps never before.
Read Dr. K's blogs on FOX. Too bad it's not interactive as it once was. We have the pot issue here and I thought he made good sense re the General. Read him and it transports me back to LTT. How I loved that time. Love to you and R, Happy Thanksgiving........T
Read Dr. K's blogs on FOX. Too bad it's not interactive as it once was. We have the pot issue here and I thought he made good sense re the General. Read him and it transports me back to LTT. How I loved that time. Love to you and R, Happy Thanksgiving........T
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tina martin
- Posts: 792
- Joined: Sun Nov 14, 2010 9:24 pm
Re: Dear Diary
Am I going nuts? Where is your post? I thought you were alluding to the big L word which got me all excited. I am half out of my mind with what is being done to it in the visible tech world. Was gearing up for a good discussion.
J, hope everyone in FL descends on your boutique for Black Friday. I may make it to the gym, ha ha.
J, hope everyone in FL descends on your boutique for Black Friday. I may make it to the gym, ha ha.
Re: Dear Diary
`
sorry, if anyone read my post it was stupid and i'm just having a weird time.
i'm sorry.
Take Care,
Love,
J.
sorry, if anyone read my post it was stupid and i'm just having a weird time.
i'm sorry.
Take Care,
Love,
J.
Re: Dear Diary
dear diary,
three times the charm? i hope so.
diary, let's connect some dots shall we? you can do it, you can do it you can do it youu can do it.
bubbles tar sticky saved inez basement box hot head sauna shelf thumbelina not for me for a good little girl simon says do this
is it any wonder i'm selling shoes and breaking records at selling shoes on the treasure coast?
nothing is a coincidence. nothing. follow your breadcrumbs. hansel and gretal
gingerbread house just collapsed
sigh.
nonsense.
XO
three times the charm? i hope so.
diary, let's connect some dots shall we? you can do it, you can do it you can do it youu can do it.
bubbles tar sticky saved inez basement box hot head sauna shelf thumbelina not for me for a good little girl simon says do this
is it any wonder i'm selling shoes and breaking records at selling shoes on the treasure coast?
nothing is a coincidence. nothing. follow your breadcrumbs. hansel and gretal
gingerbread house just collapsed
sigh.
nonsense.
XO
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tina martin
- Posts: 792
- Joined: Sun Nov 14, 2010 9:24 pm
Re: Dear Diary
Dear J, I saw your post, you are doing so, so well at work. Give yourself all the credit in the world for having achieved so very much.
For the other part, the L part, Session 3 here, Positive Self-Talk is what I latch onto: like yourself, even love yourself. Without that foundation, no-one else can fill that void, or so I think. Do you know, I remember from the past that Fridays were rough for you. Not any longer, J. You've come such a long way, are so accomplished. Have a peaceful night, hugs and smiles for you, love.........T
For the other part, the L part, Session 3 here, Positive Self-Talk is what I latch onto: like yourself, even love yourself. Without that foundation, no-one else can fill that void, or so I think. Do you know, I remember from the past that Fridays were rough for you. Not any longer, J. You've come such a long way, are so accomplished. Have a peaceful night, hugs and smiles for you, love.........T