Well, I have been busy (so, so busy) juggling the emotions of my two daughters. Julie is devastated that I am moving next week so I am spending as much time as possible with her. She is getting married on 8/4/12, but still needs me and isn't ready for me to move.
I told her, while crying, that I need to move and make a fresh start financially, get a job and have a new life.
I spend every weekend with her, as much as possible, to ease her pain. Scott, her fiancé says she is having a hard time with the change of me leaving.
I think it is triggering her to another time, when she was at boarding school, and I never came home from our summer island house.
I keep telling her that I am well now, and I will see her again in June when I come back to CT for court proceedings, and again at her wedding in August.
Brooke. Oy. Today was my visit in prison and I can't express to you enough diary how unbelievably surreal it is to go to a maximum security prison and visit my daughter.
Yesterday, an inmate named Uniqua (sp) asked a guard "what time is it" and the guard said "25 years to life" and the whole unit started to laugh.
Uniqua (sp) killed her 4 year old child by beating her to death.
Brooke felt compassion and Uniqua (whatever) was crying and told Brooke that she had a horrible up bringing and that is why she beat her child, etc. (more too, but I'm leaving it all out because it is mind numbing)
So, I called Dr. Welby and asked her about this. I just hung up with Brooke after our visit and told her that this is not a schoolyard where a girl is being bullied.
This is a dangerous prison. Baby killers are the lowest of the low and at the bottom of the heap in prison.
I told Brooke to mind her business and stay far away from what's her name. Brooke was comforting her and telling her that someday she will get out and start a new life. (25 to life that might not even be true)
I told her that if it were camp, or school, I would tell her she must stand up to the bullies. But in prison, the bullies are the guards.
Brooke received her discharge date and it is 9/26/12 if she completes the drug course which she is taking very seriously.
She told me today that if she ever relapses and is arrested, she will kill herself. She meant it.
Dr. Welby wants me to take my abilify along with my welbutrin, because she said leaving Brooke for the last time next Wednesday is going to be the hardest thing I ever do in my lifetime. She's right. It will be. It really will be.
I pray 100 times a day to God to let Brooke have a life. A clean and sober life. That's all she wants. This damn eating disorder is consuming her every thought, even in prison.
The other thing she said, which I believe, (the place is so spooky) is that she spares me the true horrid disgusting details on what really goes on in her unit.
I can imagine, and it keeps me up at night.
Anyway, 4 months and 3 weeks until we are both out of prison. Then Brooke's hard work begins.
Love,
Me.
PS
The next time I write will most likely be from my new little cottage that I am renting in Fl.
and yes, my husband will be joining me. He has been very supportive lately, yet acts like a child. Very strange.
Dr. Welby will continue with me once a week via phone.
PPS
Love to all.
XO
PPPS
Guess what I forgot to mention, diary.
I am the one that has packed and organized every last item in this condo. I am the one that has raised almost $12,000 by selling items on ebay and consignment and craigslist. I am the one that found the cottage and figured it to be in our new budget. I am the one that got a safe deposit box and I am the one that is finally in charge of our money, what's left of it.
Cool.
Fine
PPPPS
Brooke is learning to meditate.
