Dear Diary

Comments and inquiries to share with others. (Questions for Staff can be posted below.)
Loveslife
Posts: 487
Joined: Tue Nov 16, 2010 6:33 pm

Re: Dear Diary

Post by Loveslife » Wed May 02, 2012 6:19 pm

Dear Diary,
Well, I have been busy (so, so busy) juggling the emotions of my two daughters. Julie is devastated that I am moving next week so I am spending as much time as possible with her. She is getting married on 8/4/12, but still needs me and isn't ready for me to move.
I told her, while crying, that I need to move and make a fresh start financially, get a job and have a new life.
I spend every weekend with her, as much as possible, to ease her pain. Scott, her fiancé says she is having a hard time with the change of me leaving.

I think it is triggering her to another time, when she was at boarding school, and I never came home from our summer island house.

I keep telling her that I am well now, and I will see her again in June when I come back to CT for court proceedings, and again at her wedding in August.

Brooke. Oy. Today was my visit in prison and I can't express to you enough diary how unbelievably surreal it is to go to a maximum security prison and visit my daughter.

Yesterday, an inmate named Uniqua (sp) asked a guard "what time is it" and the guard said "25 years to life" and the whole unit started to laugh.

Uniqua (sp) killed her 4 year old child by beating her to death.

Brooke felt compassion and Uniqua (whatever) was crying and told Brooke that she had a horrible up bringing and that is why she beat her child, etc. (more too, but I'm leaving it all out because it is mind numbing)

So, I called Dr. Welby and asked her about this. I just hung up with Brooke after our visit and told her that this is not a schoolyard where a girl is being bullied.

This is a dangerous prison. Baby killers are the lowest of the low and at the bottom of the heap in prison.

I told Brooke to mind her business and stay far away from what's her name. Brooke was comforting her and telling her that someday she will get out and start a new life. (25 to life that might not even be true)

I told her that if it were camp, or school, I would tell her she must stand up to the bullies. But in prison, the bullies are the guards.

Brooke received her discharge date and it is 9/26/12 if she completes the drug course which she is taking very seriously.

She told me today that if she ever relapses and is arrested, she will kill herself. She meant it.

Dr. Welby wants me to take my abilify along with my welbutrin, because she said leaving Brooke for the last time next Wednesday is going to be the hardest thing I ever do in my lifetime. She's right. It will be. It really will be.

I pray 100 times a day to God to let Brooke have a life. A clean and sober life. That's all she wants. This damn eating disorder is consuming her every thought, even in prison.

The other thing she said, which I believe, (the place is so spooky) is that she spares me the true horrid disgusting details on what really goes on in her unit.

I can imagine, and it keeps me up at night.

Anyway, 4 months and 3 weeks until we are both out of prison. Then Brooke's hard work begins.

Love,
Me.
PS
The next time I write will most likely be from my new little cottage that I am renting in Fl.
and yes, my husband will be joining me. He has been very supportive lately, yet acts like a child. Very strange.

Dr. Welby will continue with me once a week via phone.

PPS
Love to all.

XO

PPPS
Guess what I forgot to mention, diary.

I am the one that has packed and organized every last item in this condo. I am the one that has raised almost $12,000 by selling items on ebay and consignment and craigslist. I am the one that found the cottage and figured it to be in our new budget. I am the one that got a safe deposit box and I am the one that is finally in charge of our money, what's left of it.

Cool.

Fine
PPPPS
Brooke is learning to meditate. :)

SoWhatif
Posts: 341
Joined: Thu Dec 31, 2009 7:00 pm

Re: Dear Diary

Post by SoWhatif » Thu May 03, 2012 10:27 am

Very very kool J. I am not going to use the word forward anymore now that I see some history of it,s use and the fact that our President Butthead is making it a bait for morons.
Brooke is in a place of just how cruel and barbaric people are without practiced morals.

She will make it. I do not understand this eating issue you speak off.

Moving to the cottage sounds wonderfull and congrats on your efforts.

I am sure the Dr. would not sanction divorce allthough from what I see, your H is going or is to be a anchor around your neck. I would tell him if he is not attending and practiceing a program for him and in that he is working with the girls needs that his arse would be left behind. It very much is a outcome of his lack of being a parent when they needed it most. It is not healthy for him to be able to just deny and avoid as is being done. He would be staying and learning maturity before I would accept him but that is just me..... Tough love is a real and very valuable tool that we have. Please do not let the anchor drown you. Remember that HE was and IS the one that had nearly killed you. I am not meaning to be mean or cruel in any way, it is the facts and do run it by your Dr., it has to be dealt with for your sanity and health. I worry for you.

R
The things I have said are sharp, It is so that your wounds will heal from a clean cut rather than from being torn by jagged edge.
Keep the Faith girl. You have the force with you and best of wishes on the path ahead.
We be awaiting the southern draw in your smile......

tina martin
Posts: 792
Joined: Sun Nov 14, 2010 9:24 pm

Re: Dear Diary

Post by tina martin » Fri May 04, 2012 10:10 am

What you relate, Jamie, is totally overwhelming. Had to stew in my head for a while. At the same time you are accomplishing so very much.

Don't know what to say to such enormous change when I cling almost desperately to the same each day. For you the change seems necessary and will give you a new start. You know that's what I wholeheartedly wish for you. You are an astounding pillar of strength. If the Old Boy can reform.....well....you can be the best judge. Relationships are so very complex. I understand that. R has some interesting ideas short of........I wish you and Brooke and Julie the very best, hoping you'll find a little time for us here now and then. XO, XO, XO.........T

Loveslife
Posts: 487
Joined: Tue Nov 16, 2010 6:33 pm

Re: Dear Diary

Post by Loveslife » Fri May 04, 2012 2:27 pm

Thank you so much R. and T.

I've been thinking a lot after my last visit with Dr. Welby. It was so incredibly insightful.

I can and have accomplished so much in the last year alone. I worked two difficult jobs and was committed to my volunteer work. I was nominated and elected to the Women's aux. board.

I flew down to Fl and found a fantastic beach cottage rental, unfurnished and really darling.

I planned every detail of my best friends father's funeral, including what he would wear and I even chose the photos to go inside of his breast pocket.

On and On.....

I've emptied out three huge storage units and sold the contents, met with my accountant and found a bankruptcy attorney.

on and on and on.

But, here's the interesting part that I don't understand.

Two years ago I was completely dependent on my husband for everything.

Now, I know what I can accomplish but there are still just a few areas where I continue to be dependent.

It always involves the car.

I was supposed to drive to Julie's fiancé's house last week, but needed John to lead me there in his car because I was afraid I would get lost. I have GPS but don't know how to use it.

Dr. Welby wants me to focus on why I need to be dependent in these areas. It's like I just can't let go of the final last parts to let go of.

I still need my husband to print me out directions and to make airline reservations and to help me so I don't get lost.

That's what I need him for.

I used to run a travel agency and then I met him.

Now I need him for ALL of my travel plans. I'm just too afraid to take that final leap. Claudia says she understands (my bf) and she thinks that it is ok.

Dr. Welby wonders why I can learn an entire hospital phone system and run it literally all by myself with outside calls, inside calls, Doctor's calls, patients calls and all of the overhead pages and codes, yet I can't drive to my daughter's house without my husband leading the way.

She says I CAN but I just don't want to. YET.

Anyway, I love you guys and we move next Saturday. Scott and Julie will drive the truck with my VW hooked to the back and H. will drive the car, with me in the car.

Then we will fly Scott and Julie home after they have a mini vacation in FL.

I'm a little scared, but excited too.

Love to you all. I really, really love you guys.

Love,
Me.

XOXO

PS
Made you look. :)

LyndaLu
Posts: 794
Joined: Sun Oct 03, 2010 4:43 pm

Re: Dear Diary

Post by LyndaLu » Sat May 05, 2012 7:17 pm

J
I will pray for you and your family when I go to church tomorrow.
Wishing you the best in life, you deserve it.
L

tina martin
Posts: 792
Joined: Sun Nov 14, 2010 9:24 pm

Re: Dear Diary

Post by tina martin » Sun May 06, 2012 1:22 pm

Jamie, what you have managed to do is beyond words. So very extraordinary. Try and give yourself all the credit you deserve every day, every moment. The driving matter is perhaps a last piece of dependency, not at all uncommon. As long as you are in charge of all else, try and accept what is and see however else he can be useful. Just don't let him sign anything, except lots of Thank You notes to you.

Will be thinking of you as you start anew, XO, XO, XO,........T

LyndaLu
Posts: 794
Joined: Sun Oct 03, 2010 4:43 pm

Re: Dear Diary

Post by LyndaLu » Sun May 06, 2012 11:51 pm

Dear Diary:

I am on a journey. Is there a difference between faith and religion ? Where does "it" fit into my life ?
Where do I find it or does it find me ? And what am I going to do with it once I realize it is here.

I had not been to a church service for years, so I decided that I was going to start going to church
again every Sunday. I am not quite sure what I am looking for. Am I looking to socialize and find new
friends because I am lonely. Am I looking to find in religion what I cannot seem to find anywhere else.
More questions than answers. I don't know if I have what it takes to go to church every Sunday
and go through the "motions". I want to learn more about what the bible has to say. It can't hurt to give
it a try and I would always have some memories to look back on if it does not work out. Maybe I don't
even know what I want or what I am talking about, but that is okay because I am exloring and I haven't
been exploring anything new for a long while now. Life should be about new things and new people.

I went to church last Sunday and it went okay and the folks attending the service were friendly.
I went to church today and then I went to a bible class and then I went out to brunch with some
people I met in the bible class. The whole morning went pretty well, I guess, but I found myself
not knowing what to say or what to do. Any normal person would just say "be yourself", but I don't
know who "myself" is right now. I have been unemployed for so long and have been away from
people for a while that I don't have any personality anymore. I have to find a NEW "myself" ?

This is what has been on my mind recently and what I have been doing. April was such a dull and
dreary month that May can only be a step up from there. Going to church gives me a chance to get
out of my apartment and out into the world and it gives me an opportunity to be around people.
But I really would like to find out more about God along the way too.

Lynda

forever young 06
Posts: 284
Joined: Sun Jun 25, 2006 5:19 pm

Re: Dear Diary

Post by forever young 06 » Mon May 07, 2012 7:40 am

Thats a good thing exploring new things. Don't look at it negatively see the positive. I am meeting new people learning new things. Yes be yourself thats okay we are all different. the thing is I am afraid of the same thing happening to me now that I am laid off. I stay home don't go anywhere as I can't waste money on gas for my car and I live in the country it takes more gas to get to town. you can lose your self in this and it is easier to curl up in a ball and do nothing thats what I want to do.
Now the religion, you need to find the truth and if you seek you shall find. Start with reading the Bible start at the beginning first book then you will have more to talk about and ask questions. Pray, talk to God like you would any one else say whats on your mind. Faith is where it is you need to believe that Jesus Christ is the son of God and he died for your sins and you accept him. Its very simple you will see your self feel better and your mind on different things which will help depression and such. this is my belief not all will agree with me and that is okay we are different indivuals. I think this is a good start for you and will help you alot . I feel just like you not knowing who we are if you keep looking you are still there hiden under all these feelings surley the real you will shine thru I am on this journey with you as I feel like I am in the same place it has been 3 moths for me I really need to go back to work I do better in that enviroment. hope you the best

LyndaLu
Posts: 794
Joined: Sun Oct 03, 2010 4:43 pm

Re: Dear Diary

Post by LyndaLu » Mon May 07, 2012 3:23 pm

dear forever young:
Thank you so much for sharing with me !
Are you working on the program ? I am starting Session Eight, about anticipatory anxiety and "what if" thinking.
I think it will be a Session that I can totaly relate to. I find that if I do something spontaneously that it turns
out well and I have an enjoyable time. If I plan too far in advance then I will have the anticipatory
anxiety and start worrying about what may or may not happen. April was a dark month for me as I was
celebrating too many negative "anniversaries" ( for example, the date I got layed off from my job three
years ago and the date I had a breakdown five years ago ). I need to let go of all that and just not
"celebrate" or acknowledge those negative type anniversaries. I have other negative anniversaries that are
coming up, but I am not going to live through them again. I am celebrating more postive dates along the way
now and hopefully I will be able to add more as I go along. I have been living in the past too long.
Wishing you well on the job hunt ! I am sure that you will find some great opportunities soon !
Stay Strong and God Bless,
Lynda

forever young 06
Posts: 284
Joined: Sun Jun 25, 2006 5:19 pm

Re: Dear Diary

Post by forever young 06 » Tue May 08, 2012 7:07 am

I have the program but not working it right now. It is a lot of work and there is a book by claire weekes that I have been reading and with all my searching the only way to get well is to truely face your fears and if you do that the right way you can recover. it is what the program is based on but the book simiflys it and it is blunt using the same consept face, accept, float, let time pass. I have had this book for yrs but didn;t want to face. I had hoped for an easier way but its not out there from what I can find.

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