Dear Diary

[Loveslife]

Dear Diary,

Hi, D.
I'm finally caught up on my sleep, but I'm going to turn in early tonight as I'm still a little tired.

Today was a hugely successful day for me. I went to our aux. Hospital luncheon and met new women and saw women that I've met in the past. It was fun having people come up to me and say hello, and vice versa. I liked myself a great deal today. I guess that means I felt confident. The speaker was just so so this time, but guess what. I won the center piece. Go Me!!

Anyway, after the lunch I stayed on at the hospital and helped the volunteer office (christine) make calls re: patient care.

I basically just followed up on about 200 patients who were recently released from the hospital and asked them 4 questions.
It's clear to me that there is a sort of hidden question in there, which is a sort of "protect the hospital" question.

"if you were given any medication during your stay in the hospital, were you told why you were receiving it?"

I feel sad, very sad actually, re: the direction our health care is taking. Our little hospital is struggling to stay alive, I fear.

Cost cutting is everywhere. The feedback I received was across the board that the nurses and doctors were overworked and had little time to spare for the patients. This makes me sad.

I get so sympathetic on the calls, and I think it encourages the person I'm calling to just really vent. I have a script, but I noticed my tone was extremely sympathetic, because I really feel for these people. But it made my work take twice as long.

Anyway, that's about it, diary.

Tomorrow is my Mammogram. I always feel a little tense and nervous before hand, because I am always "watched" and usually need additional pictures. This is very normal, and I understand, but still. I feel all women experience a little anxiety the day of their mammogram.

Friday is here tomorrow. Yay. But that also means the weekend is here. I do feel anxiety during all weekends. I wish I didn't.

Love to all.

Love,
Me.

PS
My best friend Claudia is really suffering. She sent me a heart breaking email re: her father, and she is reading the book I sent her re: alzheimer's disease. She asked me if I would go look at 3 assisted living facilities with her when I come down in June. I said, of course.

She also was crying because it is just her and her father. She's afraid she will not have anyone to take care of her if she ever needs help, after her father is gone. I told her that I am her sister, and I will ALWAYS be there for her. I will.

[Paisleegreen]

Ah, J, I'm glad you are able to help people feel better about things. Also, I'm glad your friend has you as a friend to help her through her time of need.

Congrats on the Mammogram, I need to schedule one myself. I've had one and it is past due for another one. Not really looking forward to it, but know that it is for my own good.

I worked in my yard today and burned a lot of wood that was scattered about the yard from a fallen tree last fall. I have a lawn guy coming and I wanted the lawn cleared up the best I can. I started a burn fire and kept feeding it but I'm so sore and worn out. I'll called a neighbor to come over and help. He was great and he was happy to earn some money. I feel much better knowing this chore and our irrigation pond got cleared of debris such as fallen leaves and tree branches as well. I never know exactly when the the water will come down the pike. But it is never fun to clean out wet leaves compared to raking them while they are dry.

Gotta go, I smell like a big campfire! Paislee

[Loveslife]

Dear, dear, diary,

Today I am working from 4-12midnight, and tomorrow too. That's about it. That is all I have to say. I've been playing the guitar and keeping to myself.

This is my week to sign up for yoga and actually do it. I hope I accomplish this goal. It is so achievable, yet so difficult.

Love to my friends and love to you, diary,

Love,
Me.

[tina martin]

Happy to see you posting, J and that you are OK. Cannot quite understand why signing up for yoga is difficult. You may not like it once you try it, but to go there just means you are interested. Yoga is never competitive or difficult. You do what you can comfortably. Be patient with yourself. Remember, I'm yoga support.

Enjoy your work this evening, Love.........T

[Paisleegreen]

Wow, I'm impressed that you play the guitar. That must be rewarding to you to have that talent. Have a good day at work. Paislee

[tina martin]

Glad to see you posting Paislee, hoping your cold is better. Mine keeps recurring. Immune system is ready to give out just like this computer here.

Maybe I'll replace it when daughter visits in June. I must be better by then. If I'm sick she can't come. In the meantime I keep sneezing and infecting this one. Poor dusting habits could be a problem too. What do I know? All I know is it mostly goes into a funk refusing to do anything. Am surprised it's cooperating this morning. Better get off before it starts to rebel. Does not like to work. Just likes to sit there looking out the window.

[Paisleegreen]

HI Tina, I'm sorry about your computer acting up! I've been spending my days clearing up my property. I've had burn piles waiting to be lit up. We had a big willow tree come crashing down last autumn. I fell on our powerline and put most of my neighbors without power for a night and day. We were the lucky ones to have a generator. I was all alone when this happened but DS 19 had set up a generator just for these type of accidents or weather related occurances. But we lost a beautiful tall old tree and it has taken quiet some time for my sons and other to cut the tree up and get part of it hauled off and some smaller branches put on a burn pile.

Pretty much blocking anyone wanting to mow the lawn and cluttering up the yard. Some of the wood will be used for campfires and keeping woodburning stoves fed. I'm so happy to see the piles go down and our irrigation pond cleared up for water.
I will miss the wonderful shade this tree gave and a place for hawks to nest. Paislee

[Loveslife]

Hi Tina and Paislee and R., where ever you are.

I'm off to work soon, but just wanted to say that my psychiatrist and I figured out that I have a "fear of success" and that is why I keep putting off yoga.

When I visualize myself doing it, I see me being very happy and making new friends. That's way out of my comfort zone.

So, I need to continue to step out of my comfort zone, and yoga is the way to do it. I love everything about it, and also my body would benefit a great deal from the stretching and toning.

Tina, I'm sorry about your computer. Be careful, as I'm sure you are, as to what links you open. I noticed that it took me more then a few times working with Apple, and they taught me how to "clean" my computer of downloads, and empty the trash, etc weekly. Also, emptying cache's, etc. It made my computer as quick as ever, but it took a few weeks of me being methodical.

I guess computers are just like our homes. They need housework and maintenance.

Paislee, I can imagine the beautiful willow branches piled high, and you cleaning your yard and your pond and your garden.

It must feel so invigorating to accomplish those tasks. Does the willow and other wood need to dry before burning? I seem to remember that wood/kindling takes quite a bit of time to air dry before it can burn, but who knows. I'm probably wrong.

Ok ladies..and R., and whomever else cares to join in...have a lovely, lovely evening. I will be tending to all at the hospital.

Last night I had to put together the OR team and Pacu Team. (recovery) Oy. Nerve Racking.

12 babies in the nursery, or some such number. A record since I've been there.

Adios,
J.

[Paisleegreen]

Hi J, yes, the wood has to dry, it was dry due to the tree falling down in September due to a big storm. My sons, friends and the Power company cut down the rest of the tree, but didn't take it away or shred the small branches as they have in the past. They were too busy, hundreds of power company's customers were out of power and there were many downed trees. So they just cut and dropped and we had to do the rest. Of course we had to wait for winter to be through and the rain to stop.

So I have to remind myself that I did not cause the mess and I physically have no control of the huge tree trunks still on the property that will need to be taken care of by my sons. So I have to work on what I can do and remember to pace myself, so I don't get too stressed out and "panicky".

I did have a scary dream again, and I wrote some of it down that I could recall. I knew that you might be interested in it.
I'll post about it later...as I need to read more on here and get some errands done.

I'm happy for you on working out your goals with Yoga and your Dr. My reluctance to go to the health club is that I have to "get dressed up" for it, or put on a bathing suit and then I have to deal with my hair afterwards/make-up and I'm feeling older. Things are harder to do or more painful. I know Tina would say that I will feel better and look better by going to the health club.

I am at least getting some exercise gardening and doing yard work. And I feel better about things as accomplish the "clean up". I'm now experiencing lower back pain and neck pain. I'm not sure if it is due to age or over doing it or both!

Great job on your organizing the OR team and Pacu Team! Plus I'm impressed that you can do all those things with your computer. I will have to start doing more of that, but for now DS19 lets me know since he maintains the Server. He use to stress the importance of cookies, and not deleting email or other stuff I downloaded because the computer couldn't handle the volume, that it was slowing down because of it. But the computer I use now is one that he won and has lots of space, but it doesn't have Windows so it cramps my style on the fun stuff I could be doing on it or that I know how to do.

Have a good night J and everyone! Paislee

[tina martin]

J, I can understand the yoga-think obstacle. So it is doubly important to overcome it: another big step to freedom and autonomy. Paislee, I echo all J says about willow tree. Sorry about the loss and hard work. Also understand the objections to the gym. You may overcome them in time.

Housework and Maintenance. Good Grief. Failed these even in remedial training. Computer may be balking because I drifted into Zone mainly into Inspiration, of all places. Noticed a thread on books; well, that did it. Computer screams, "I don't work double time or overtime." What the heck, doesn't even work single time. Hushshsh: seems to be cooperating today. Will discuss this with techie daughter when she visits in June.

Work sounds so good, J. Made to order for your talents. Oh happy day (and evening). Love..........T