I had my first panic attack on the night of my honeymoon 33 years ago. I have struggled with depression/anxiety every since. I am thankful that at least it is not 100% of the time as it seemed in my twenties. But it steals joy from me 40% of the time. The outside world (even my husband) doesn't know it when I am walking through it. I have become very good at disguising. If you asked most people would describe me as "extremely optimistic, outgoing, positive, happy person." And that would be true except when I am walking through a bout of depression/anxiety. I just have never been able to understand why. I saw this on tv (which I hardly watch) and of course, I instantly stopped and listened. I am walking through it right now, so I decided "why not." I'm still surprised I actually called and requested the tapes. I'm not an easy sell to products at all.
I felt so alone for twenty years, thinking nobody else would understand. The last ten years it is finally coming out in the public that millions of people suffer. However, sometimes, I still think I'm the only one. My life is very good, so I've never been able to understand why I would be depressed or anxious. I oftened wondered "What would I be like if I had had a rough life?" Anyone else out there think most people would be shocked if they were found out?
25 years of depression/anxiety
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Guest
Hello Steward,
My name is PeggySue and I am new to this program. I started in December, but after while I was on lesson four Christmas and New Years came and like everyone I got really busy and stopped the program. Now I am going back and starting over. I read your post on Jan. 2, and I felt like I am sort of like you. I have been suffering from anxiety and depression for so long, I can't even remember the first time. Every time I listen to the lessons, I can recall events in my life that must have been caused by my anxieties and fear. Anyway, now that I am retired, it has gotton so worse and I have had time to really think about things. My husband doesn't really understand and my children are grown and out of the house now. Just me and my dog here to get more and more depressed on a daily basis. I hope that I can chat with you and anyone else that might be able to relate to the way I am feeling. I have anxieties about being around people other than family. That makes me pretty much to afraid to socialize or join groups or even get a part time job or volunteer job. Help, I need to talk to someone.
Thanks,
PeggySue
My name is PeggySue and I am new to this program. I started in December, but after while I was on lesson four Christmas and New Years came and like everyone I got really busy and stopped the program. Now I am going back and starting over. I read your post on Jan. 2, and I felt like I am sort of like you. I have been suffering from anxiety and depression for so long, I can't even remember the first time. Every time I listen to the lessons, I can recall events in my life that must have been caused by my anxieties and fear. Anyway, now that I am retired, it has gotton so worse and I have had time to really think about things. My husband doesn't really understand and my children are grown and out of the house now. Just me and my dog here to get more and more depressed on a daily basis. I hope that I can chat with you and anyone else that might be able to relate to the way I am feeling. I have anxieties about being around people other than family. That makes me pretty much to afraid to socialize or join groups or even get a part time job or volunteer job. Help, I need to talk to someone.
Thanks,
PeggySue
Originally posted by steward:
I had my first panic attack on the night of my honeymoon 33 years ago. I have struggled with depression/anxiety every since. I am thankful that at least it is not 100% of the time as it seemed in my twenties. But it steals joy from me 40% of the time. The outside world (even my husband) doesn't know it when I am walking through it. I have become very good at disguising. If you asked most people would describe me as "extremely optimistic, outgoing, positive, happy person." And that would be true except when I am walking through a bout of depression/anxiety. I just have never been able to understand why. I saw this on tv (which I hardly watch) and of course, I instantly stopped and listened. I am walking through it right now, so I decided "why not." I'm still surprised I actually called and requested the tapes. I'm not an easy sell to products at all.
I felt so alone for twenty years, thinking nobody else would understand. The last ten years it is finally coming out in the public that millions of people suffer. However, sometimes, I still think I'm the only one. My life is very good, so I've never been able to understand why I would be depressed or anxious. I oftened wondered "What would I be like if I had had a rough life?" Anyone else out there think most people would be shocked if they were found out?
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Guest
Hello,
I started my tapes yesterday. It is awakening to listen to my negative self talk. Already I have had an opportunity to get upset with my daughter about my feelings being hurt. I was able to stop myself and not do something I would have to clean up and feel bad about later. Hurrrah for day one.
I do that often and know that I put too much on her. My mom did that to me. She lived here with me for almost a year. She is 83, in a wheelchair with breathing problems. I took care of her 24/ except for about 10 hours a week when I had helpers come in and shower her, change her bed, do her laundry and spend a little time with her. It was challenging to have others in my home. It was challenging to have her want me with her all time and not the helpers. In Oct she went to rehab and then I began the process of title 19. It was grueling because I was so fearful.I felt quilty for feeling relieved that she was gone. Her constant complaints, insatiable needs and critical attitude wore me down.
While she was here with me I had to handle her money. I paid myself and hired others to care for her and paid them. On a daily basis I feared spending the money. While I was doing title 19 I worried every time I got a new letter from the state. I thought that they were going to tell me to give the money back or that I was bad for spending her money. It was not an unreasonable amount, minimal actually compared to what it took to care for her. But I was not feeling worthy of caring for myself while she was here. I do that. When people are here, my grown children, my mom, I put myself aside and let my own needs get closeted.Then I have to retrace my steps and clean up the mess.Anyway title 19 happened after 3 and 1/2 months. The money was not an issue. She is now in long term care where she belongs and gets the round the clock care she needs and I am off to recover from another chaotic time/event in my life that I allowed someone to come into my home and allowed myself to go invisible, just like the way I felt when I was growing up.
I am not sure if this is even the subject, but I do know that my issues are from learned behavior and from trying to make an orange into a banana. I am presently practicing acceptance. I like feeling better. I think I have a habit of being attached to my problems. I need to constantly remind myself to turn away and relax.
I started my tapes yesterday. It is awakening to listen to my negative self talk. Already I have had an opportunity to get upset with my daughter about my feelings being hurt. I was able to stop myself and not do something I would have to clean up and feel bad about later. Hurrrah for day one.
I do that often and know that I put too much on her. My mom did that to me. She lived here with me for almost a year. She is 83, in a wheelchair with breathing problems. I took care of her 24/ except for about 10 hours a week when I had helpers come in and shower her, change her bed, do her laundry and spend a little time with her. It was challenging to have others in my home. It was challenging to have her want me with her all time and not the helpers. In Oct she went to rehab and then I began the process of title 19. It was grueling because I was so fearful.I felt quilty for feeling relieved that she was gone. Her constant complaints, insatiable needs and critical attitude wore me down.
While she was here with me I had to handle her money. I paid myself and hired others to care for her and paid them. On a daily basis I feared spending the money. While I was doing title 19 I worried every time I got a new letter from the state. I thought that they were going to tell me to give the money back or that I was bad for spending her money. It was not an unreasonable amount, minimal actually compared to what it took to care for her. But I was not feeling worthy of caring for myself while she was here. I do that. When people are here, my grown children, my mom, I put myself aside and let my own needs get closeted.Then I have to retrace my steps and clean up the mess.Anyway title 19 happened after 3 and 1/2 months. The money was not an issue. She is now in long term care where she belongs and gets the round the clock care she needs and I am off to recover from another chaotic time/event in my life that I allowed someone to come into my home and allowed myself to go invisible, just like the way I felt when I was growing up.
I am not sure if this is even the subject, but I do know that my issues are from learned behavior and from trying to make an orange into a banana. I am presently practicing acceptance. I like feeling better. I think I have a habit of being attached to my problems. I need to constantly remind myself to turn away and relax.