Getting back to LIVING

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Dec 12, 2008 2:53 am

Originally posted by pinkeetoz:
Where are you in the program? pinkee

I finished it a while back, but still come here to visit you guys.

Sometimes I think I should start it over but in general I have learned a lot, I just need to take what I have learned and get on with my life. It's like that jump into a pool though. It will be fine it's just the jump that seems hard sometimes.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Dec 12, 2008 3:01 am

Originally posted by A Happier Me:
"One old friend is better than two new ones."

That's so true. I have a few friends here that I've known for at least 15 years. . . and they really are a blessing. One in particular I used to call my 'best' friend, but she sort of dumped me because me and my hubby wouldn't go out all the time after we had my daughter. My hubby was having depression issues at the time, and I would cover for him. . .and she thought I was being selfish one night when I couldn't watch her kids. We didn't see each other for a few years that much. I moved an hour away and now back to the area. She has a new 'best friend' now, and it's sort of awkward. They even got best friend bracelets! So, now I have friends that I've known for many years that I can call and we do things sometimes but everyone is so busy. I don't know that I'll ever have another 'best friend' like she was. We did stuff every weekend together and hung out a lot during the week too. But now with hubby and kids we don't have as much time or energy. I spend a lot of the weekend trying to just catch up on housework and all. Plus, I work so I want to spend time with the kids rather than being out partying.

[quote}
I look at all the pictures that look a lot like beer commercials and wonder if the folks are having that much fun, and if I would be if I were there. I think I need to define what it is that I, personally, find fun and do more of that, rather than compare with others. Maybe my problems come from trying to tell how good my life is by thinking what would others think of it. [/quote]
You make a good point; I need to do things I enjoy instead of trying to be the type of person that people want to be friends with. It's MY life, not theirs. Thank you. . .that really makes sense. I honestly don't enjoy being around a ton of people at parties and such. I asked my psychologist (when I was going) about that. I asked him if I needed to work on that. I mean, I WILL go to parties, but I prefer smaller gatherings. He told me that our society seems to think that EVERYONE needs to be an extrovert, partying type of person. And really, if you just don't like that, it's nothing wrong with you. That meant a lot. I beat myself up for not being like everyone else. Truth is, there are plenty of people like me, and trying to fit in with the people that I'm NOT like, is always going to make feel like an outsider. It sort of brings me back to high school when I wasn't in the popular croud. WHO CARES?

I know I need to reengage. My problems relate to divorce, recent job loss, aging and an overall sense of loss in a world that is rapidly changing, and one in which I wonder if I have value to offer to employers and a future life parter. Self-esteem is essential is my way forward, as I have been encountering depression and some aversity to going out.

I am glad that you're working through all this. I'm sure divorce is a terribly difficult thing. As much as I have had my 'moments' with my husband. . . I would be lost without him.

I wish you every success.

Thanks!! you too! I enjoyed your post a lot.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Dec 12, 2008 3:03 am

Originally posted by LisaLisa:
He seems to think it is okay to be that way, but I think "what about me?". I try to volunteer at my son's school with the hopes of connecting with other moms, but I worry about what they will think of me - see that selfish anxiety kicking in again.

Just wanted to let you know that you are definitely not a alone.

LisaLisa

My thing with hooking up with other moms is that I have my days where I'm not myself. And I worry I'll make plans then have one of 'those' days and someone will think I'm weird. But, I'm getting so I figure 'who cares' because I recently went to lunch with a new friend on one of those days and later apologized for being weird. She told me she had a blast and that it was SO fun being with someone real taht wasn't all about being Miss Perfect and just wanted to talk about life.

So, I got to be myself guard down and she liked me anyway. GO FIGURE!!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Dec 12, 2008 5:31 am

I am sooo relieved to hear I am not alone. As I proceed in the program ( however imperfectly I work it) I find that fear has ruled my life. We are taught to feel the fear and do IT anyway. Do what? LIFE!!! What a concept. Live our lives in faith that we are OK! We can choose not to believe everything we think and can bounce our thoughts and ideas off of each other. If I want to know how I'm doing all I have to do is ask someone. I am not the best judge of my condition. We can trust the process--it has worked for thousands of people just like us. I must remember that the goal is progress--not perfection.

At times I beat myself up because I am not keeping up with the 15 week schedule. I believe this falls under the category of "shoulding on myself", and we all know where that takes us.

I believe that this program is offering us a new lifestyle. This is my opportunity to "come to on a deeper level" as one person put it, and as I "peel the onion one layer at a time" I get to find out who is the real me. So I am trying to get out of God's way and out of my own way. Blessing and hope to us all.

R.T.E. · Post by **R.T.E.** » Fri Dec 12, 2008 6:01 am

haha, im totally the same way. i think soo=metimes i am ocd actually. never actually been diagnosed, but all u can do is laugh at urself over driving hours to get a crazy cat. im the same exact way. i keep getting cats, they run away, i get another one, then ive decide to get a dog now...lol. we'll see how this goes, ive had him about 2 months almost, and he hasnt ran away yet..hes too scared of the rain n it always rains here, so thats good i guess. lol so, my advice once again is look at it as something silly, not bad, or negative...maybe u saved that cat from the shelter...u never know til u do it...i say lybo!!!(laugh ur butt off) keep ur head up n smile more...we're just cat lovers...hey/./.atleast urs dont all run away...lol...xoxoxo

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Dec 12, 2008 11:34 am

Mine stay inside so they don't run off, but the new one has been under the bed a lot today, my husband tells me. When I'm home she feels safer.

The reason I drove so far is she's a pure bred Ragdoll cat. . . initially would have been "worth" about 600-$700 dollars, but the lady let me have her for just a "rehoming fee" because her husband was allergic. My only regret now is that her and my husband's cat hate each other. At first she slept in my bed and his was all mad, now his sleeps there (as she used to) and she sleeps under the bed.

Poor little pricey neglected cat. LOL

I give her lots of attention though and she'll settle in eventually. She's getting to be good buddies with my other cat though, so she has one friend.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Dec 14, 2008 6:43 am

Faith_TX I can totally relate with you. The past 4 years i've felt like my life has been on pause while everyone else is going on with theirs. It's very frusterating but you need to stop looking at what everyone else is doing and look at your life and say alright, this is how it is right now, it kinda sucks, but i'm going to get out of this, and i'm not going to be like this forever!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Dec 15, 2008 3:14 am

I agree. I'm slowly feeling more normal and that's exciting!