Scared of going back to my old ways )-:

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Dec 01, 2008 7:44 am

Hi Holly,
I developed anxiety/depression 4 years ago. I was put on paxil and xanax xr which helped me tremendously. That being said, about 2-4 times a year I get an episode. Sometimes it's a few days, other times it's a few weeks. Every time I think "Oh no. I can't go back to that place." I am telling you, you will get better. Also, what helps tremendously is to not obsess about how you are feeling (easier said than done I know). Just accept how you are feeling and tell yourself, yah this sucks but I can and will deal with it. Keep yourself busy...clean something, exercise, or do a puzzle or something that distracts your thinking. Again, you are fine and you will feel better.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Dec 01, 2008 12:02 pm

Thanks lawgirl. I need reassurance right now,ya know? And Faith he was looking it up for him. I know the signs of depression and he has them all. I feel so bad for him. I just want him to be happy. It is making me more anxious that he is depressed.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Dec 02, 2008 1:15 am

Hi Holly. You have come so far and I am proud of the accomplishments you have made. I want for you to know that scary thoughts never go away, ever, as we all think thoughts Holly. No one person is immune to thoughts. I had to accept this and once I did my life was better.

The way to accept your thoughts is to just let them be there and that is it.

I have had to just let me scary thoughts be there and dwell in my mind instead of questioning every thing. Be strong, you are an inspiration to us all =)

Craw · Post by **Craw** » Tue Dec 02, 2008 8:42 am

Hi Holly!!!! I once heard that what really scares people is the power we have within us. We really are extremely powerful beings I guess it frightens us just to know that.

Love, Slick

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Dec 02, 2008 8:56 am

Originally posted by Holly J:
It is making me more anxious that he is depressed.

I can completely relate. My husband's depression effects me a lot too because I can't fix it for him.

natalief · Post by **natalief** » Tue Dec 02, 2008 9:06 am

Hey Holly J!
Im so sorry, It seems at times things can all come at once, I understand your fear too, I had horrible scary thoughts that drove me to depression and finally meds. I quit the meds when I felt I was on my feet again and I remember as well, being so scared to feel all the horrible feelings that come with anxiety problems by quiting a medication. Yes, They did come back but, This time, it was like watching the same ol' show, same kinds of thought content, same kind of dreadful feelings, same ol' symptoms all over again, again, and again, but it made me realize some things and actually was the start of learning to live with anxiety disorder, as mel 75 above said, thoughts and anxiety never go away forever, I mean, from my experience the last five years or so, it peeks its head in to visit occasionally when Im stressed, and yeah, its easy to react and become scared of slipping into those old ways, but by seeing the repetitive symptoms of anxiety, it takes a few days sometimes more and Im on my way again. I guess what Im trying to say is expect it to come back and even welcome it because its the only way to really learn how to deal with anxiety and panic and all the horrible thoughts etc; But, with practice, it can come to a point where it wont really bother you much when it does visit. I know its hard trying to pay for medical care, and it can be so, so stressful thinking about that stuff on top of trying to get better, hang in there, youll make it through, its like your quote at the bottom says, our own thinking can make things so much worse than they really are.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Dec 02, 2008 5:28 pm

Thank you all for your wonderful responses. Mel, thank you very much. Remember when I was against meds? ha ha. Now I'm the opposite. I am VERY grateful for them. I am just having a stressful time and sometimes when a little anxiety comes it becomes like a snowball effect.

natalief · Post by **natalief** » Wed Dec 03, 2008 3:21 pm

Hey Holly,

I just read your post and am so so sorry about your current events.

I apologize for not a more detailed response but I am so emotionally tired and am ready to crash. I was just crying to my wife about stuff at work. If it's any consolation, virtually all of my career life has been one unhappy thing or another.

I wanted to send [[[hugs]]].

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Dec 03, 2008 4:08 pm

Holly J.... I wanted to say Thank You to YOU for sharing your successes, your suggestions and your challenges here - like in this thread. By reading and participating in this, I have also learned some more things about myself! I have come to believe that This is how we can all get Better, Thanks Holly...
From just one of your many Buddies, Steve

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Dec 04, 2008 10:39 am

Thanks for the hugs Charlie Brown! Seadog, Thank you for replying. I appreciate it. It's always nice to discover thins about yourself, isn't it? Those discoveries about yourself are my favorite things to find (-: I am just grateful to have this place and to have all my friends here. I do really hate thinking about my past and WHAT IF I go back or WHAT IF I will never get any better than how I am now. Does it ever get better?