I've been trying to manage some extreme anxiety and panic attacks for about 5 months now-- I never had a problem before then, it dropped on me out of thin air after I went through a bad breakup and moved out, then got laid off from my job. I quickly found a new and better job, but then got sick for 7 weeks with some kind of rebellious flu, which made it difficult to work. I quit my job because of the anxiety symptoms that started to replace the flu symptoms.
Meanwhile, I had spent the last year making a documentary film with a friend of mine about a man who quit his 9-to-5 job to become a printing press and book artist. My father is upset because he thinks making the film is what inspired me to quit my job and he's worried I'm going to run off to become a broke artist or something. (having a 'career' is really important to him) In all honesty, I'm so confused now that I don't know what I want, and can't find happiness in anything.
Anyway, I'm trying to pull myself together and am living off of savings without a job right now. And my friend and I are trying to promote the film as it gets more and more screenings across the country. In less than 2 weeks, we're supposed to make a 3-hour drive to where we went to college- our old university is screening the film.
I haven't spent more than a few hours at a time away from my apartment and I'll be gone for at least 2 days. I think I'm upset with myself because this used to never be a big deal- I've gone on 2-week long backpacking trips and used to travel all over the place. But I can't help but worry about all the things that could go wrong. Above all, I'm simply depressed and don't want to go. The idea of seeing old professors and talking to students about a film I made used to excite me- but now I just want to stay home and lay in bed and not do anything.
How do I teach myself look forward to something that is obviously so positive?
Upcoming road trip
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Guest
Gingerbell: Your life has certainly been full of ups and downs recently. Are you working the program? It is fabulous that your film is getting screenings, but many times when something big is going on in our lives, even something finally here that we really really wanted, we still can have mixed feelings about it. That is human. First, stop beating yourself up about the fact that you didn't used to be like this... Try to accept that you are a different (but just as good) you right now, and your mission is to be kind to yourself about it. Use positive self-talk about the upcoming trip. Our minds can race with everything that can go wrong, but make sure you spend at least as much time thinking about what can go right...what is the best possible outcome (like, you run into a major studio producer who wants to pick up the script and call his best friend Tom Cruise... 
) But the truth of the matter is that reality is probably somewhere in the middle. With my anxiety, I frequently resisted things that were supposed to be fun, and I would come up with a million excuses why I didn't want to go. But the best thing to do is to talk yourself through it, feel the fear and do it anyway. I hope you have the program. You have two weeks to polish up on your skills...practice practice. In answer to your question "How do I teach myself look forward to something that is obviously so positive?" It is all in the way you talk to yourself. Good luck, keep us posted.
Formerly SleeplessMom
) But the truth of the matter is that reality is probably somewhere in the middle. With my anxiety, I frequently resisted things that were supposed to be fun, and I would come up with a million excuses why I didn't want to go. But the best thing to do is to talk yourself through it, feel the fear and do it anyway. I hope you have the program. You have two weeks to polish up on your skills...practice practice. In answer to your question "How do I teach myself look forward to something that is obviously so positive?" It is all in the way you talk to yourself. Good luck, keep us posted.Formerly SleeplessMom
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Guest
I have a similar situation as yours coming up in the next couple of weeks. My favorite musician is doing some shows on the East coast and a good friend of mine, as an early Christmas present, sent me a plane ticket to come and see a couple of them.
It sounds like so much fun too! Fly in, go to the show, spend the next day exploring around Manhattan, then go to another show the next day and fly home the next. This is one of my most fun things to do; road trip to see this artist. I've been doing it for years and I love it. So, I should be super excited about this trip coming up, and I am, but there's a part of me that's scared out of my mind. What if I have a freak out alone 33,000 miles in the air? I can't exactly get up and walk around or ask the pilot to pull over so that I can get out and walk around and get some air. I'm already getting all kinds of anxious just typing this out and thinking about it.
But I'm also trying not to think about it too much because I don't want to force a panic episode on as well. I'm really scared about this. I'm just starting week two tomorrow. I have a few weeks between now and the trip, but like I said, just airing these fears out there is making the butterflies dance in my stomach and the rushes of fear happen.
I'm also kind of freaked out about being at the shows. He's doing more mellow acoustic stuff, so I'm not too worried about the amplification or flashing lights and stuff like that. I'm kind of afraid of the crowds and stuff.
Any suggestions, anyone? Like I said, I love road tripping and up until a year ago was fine with it. Not that I didn't have little episodes, but I was OK a lot of the time too. Now I'm panicked even thinking of this trip, yet I'm excited too, if that makes sense. My biggest fear is freaking out on that plane and having nowhere to escape to.
Thanks for listening, everyone.
It sounds like so much fun too! Fly in, go to the show, spend the next day exploring around Manhattan, then go to another show the next day and fly home the next. This is one of my most fun things to do; road trip to see this artist. I've been doing it for years and I love it. So, I should be super excited about this trip coming up, and I am, but there's a part of me that's scared out of my mind. What if I have a freak out alone 33,000 miles in the air? I can't exactly get up and walk around or ask the pilot to pull over so that I can get out and walk around and get some air. I'm already getting all kinds of anxious just typing this out and thinking about it.
But I'm also trying not to think about it too much because I don't want to force a panic episode on as well. I'm really scared about this. I'm just starting week two tomorrow. I have a few weeks between now and the trip, but like I said, just airing these fears out there is making the butterflies dance in my stomach and the rushes of fear happen.
I'm also kind of freaked out about being at the shows. He's doing more mellow acoustic stuff, so I'm not too worried about the amplification or flashing lights and stuff like that. I'm kind of afraid of the crowds and stuff.
Any suggestions, anyone? Like I said, I love road tripping and up until a year ago was fine with it. Not that I didn't have little episodes, but I was OK a lot of the time too. Now I'm panicked even thinking of this trip, yet I'm excited too, if that makes sense. My biggest fear is freaking out on that plane and having nowhere to escape to.
Thanks for listening, everyone.