Isn't it strange?

bevhembree · Post by **bevhembree** » Wed Aug 20, 2008 9:05 am

Sometimes I get discouraged b/c the people right here around me seem to not care at all.
It's weird how my family and church family looks the other way when I'm down. Pure avoidance. But I can come to this website, where we're all strangers and get (or give) support any time- day or night.
My husband's family lives right next door. They have to drive right past to get to town or school. They never stop by, phone, call me for help, offer a ride to town.
I'm about to go crazy to figure out what's wrong. Hubby is zero help in this area. There's no validity to my claims or feelings. It will end up in a huge fight. It's just not important to him, and he can't relate to the feelings.
I've offered to help out til I'm blue in the face to no avail. I love doing things for other people- helping out. I'm the first one on that train. After hubby and I fought about this once, and I wasn't looking to fight, I just wanted to be a part and fit in. I was so frustrated that they'd ask him to sit with the kids or his sick dad. He works. I'm here ALL day. Anyway, after the fight, he went and told them all what I said. You all here correctly said not to try to get in between him and his family. His mom apologized, saying it was more ignorance that anything. She had never had a daughter in law live right here. (Not true- one lived with them for a year). But, it's not ignorance anymore when it's been brought to their attention. If I invite them to eat more than once a week, I'm going to too much trouble. The others eat togther 2 times a day every other day.
Same thing at church- I can show up to help at every event. I can attend all the classes and srvices. I can reach out to someone I know is hurting (we can recognize that easily can't we?)
Still, I can come and go with no one saying a word. I have to do all the approaching. I tell people I'll help- they never call. Co-incidence?? His family also goes there. His mom has told me to go by myself when he doesn't go. Check. To get involved. Check. To pray. Check, check, check.
I'm seaching for a "why??" here. It all points to something being wrong with me. I'm ready for someone to tell it to me straight. Am I unapproachable? Just not fitting in? Am I being judged for what has happened in the past? Maybe I'm not good enough?
Whatever reason- there's a barrier. Something I'm jut not getting. Worse things in the world? Yes. Affecting my sanity? Double yes. Bombarded with "what if's and why's"- all day and night.
I felt like a million dollars- literally- helping each night with VBS. Something to look forward to- making a difference. Being a part- being included. More than one said I needed stuff like that in my life. I LOVED it. I guess they aren't ready to trust me enough to go out on a limb and let me be on a committee of some sort. It's like high school all over again- the same ones get picked to do those things. It's so "clicky." BUT, I've never really fit in much anywhere else, so I KNOW the problem is with me. I just can't put my finger on how to overcome. So I guess I'll be looking for somewhere else to volunteer. Somebody out there is surely to put me to work to help others. I just wish I could do it here in my own community. Nuf said- thanks for the chance to rant and vent. It, too, will pass

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Aug 20, 2008 3:18 pm

It does sound like a very strange situation. I have no clue why they would act that way. I think you are on the right path by looking for a new place to volunteer. Even if the people at your church haven't been influenced by your husband's family and are just not realizing that they are neglecting you, you need to find a place where you feel comfortable and wanted. It sounds like you need a place where you can feel accepted for being yourself and that you feel you are making a difference. Continue to work on your anxiety. You need to get out of your head. I know those what ifs are addicting. I grew up in a family where my dad's in-laws lived next door. My grandmother is a terror and I still don't know how he has handled it all these years, but he has found a way and so shall you. Take care.

forever young 06 · Post by **forever young 06** » Wed Aug 20, 2008 3:36 pm

Bev - this does sound like a tough situation for you. You do seem to beat yourself up in your description of what's happening, and you are questioning whether you are "good enough." I can relate to these feelings because I have them too. It stems from low self-esteem, and the great news is that you can change this as you go through the program. You can learn to like and respect yourself as you begin to overcome anxiety, and then soon you'll find that it doesn't matter so much what others think... it won't affect you. My advice is to stick with the program and really become aware of how you are talking to yourself, and from there you can begin to replace those negative thoughts with thoughts that make you feel good about yourself. Hang in there - you sound like a very giving, generous person and you can use those strengths to build your self-confidence!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Aug 20, 2008 6:09 pm

Thanks so much you two!

Jenni15 · Post by **Jenni15** » Wed Aug 20, 2008 6:41 pm

Yoy know what Bev, sounds like these people have the problem. they have issues. I would love to have a person in my life who wanted to help out and who is kind like you. I'm so sorry that they're acting weird like this towards you. You have done nothing wrong. It's them. i would try another volunteer group and I'd give up on being helpful and kind to your husbands family. Youre number one! Just think of yourself and the people that are kind to you.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Aug 20, 2008 10:30 pm

Holly,
I will definitely back off with no hard feelings. Maybe I shouldn't care to the point where it becomes detrimental. It'll all work out

Thanks!