Less Drama

Bakedpears · Post by **Bakedpears** » Sun Jun 22, 2008 2:33 am

Originally posted by FreeToBeGG:
Hi, Chris,

I agree with cornflower. It seems like your coach is being too hard on you, like she has some expectations for you that are impossibly high right now. Is this a coach through the program, or another life coach? Are they aware of all that having an anxiety disorder entails?

Genie

Hey there. . . guess we were posting at the exact same time. My coach is actually a coach from another program that is for panic attacks. She suffered for like 20 years herself. So, she knows what it's like.

But yeah it is impossible to change over night and maybe she's frustrated with me at how long it's taking.

I also have a counselor that I go to. At the moment, my hubby is coming with me because we were having serious marriage problems up until recently.

He has been really great the past few years but one thing about him is for the panic in particular he's not the greatest. He'll tell me to get on medication. He's good at helping me with childhood stuff and relational issues though.

I've thought about going back to an old counselor now that I live in another part of town, who does CBT type stuff.

However, my coach thinks that having someone to just go "whine to" is not going to get me better; that I just need to stop sort of playing the victim and over come it.

OHHHHH OK!! Let me do that right now.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Jun 22, 2008 2:54 am

Hello Again, Faith:
The good thing is that if you did over-dramatize the situation, you are becoming aware of it. And seeing a problem and admitting it is half the battle won toward changing.
I think that when an unjustified change against us, be it at work or elsewhere, comes about, that we are tempted to respond with a "why me?"
attitude. Or "how dare they?".
Maybe a certain acceptance of the situation has to come about. This doesn't mean that you won't try to fight for your right in such a situation. (to preserve your right to work from home, etc.).
However, there are going to be those who are overbearing and put others down etc. There is always one at work - and anywhere else where people are involved.
Maybe we just have to trust that all things will come together and work for our good in the long run.
It is plain to see from my efforts with this bumbling reply that I really don't know the answer.
But I really think that if there is a problem within yourself and your responces to problems, that you are seeing it and that you are going
to do the right thing and ultimately be the person that you want to be.
You are on your way with that!!
So you can be very proud of yourself! You can pat yourself on the back and tell yourself that you really are alright!!
You are doing good.
You 'll be okay.
MaryJane

Jodi H · Post by **Jodi H** » Sun Jun 22, 2008 3:07 am

You're not bumbling! This makes sense.

My husband thinks that when my boss returns in 3 days that I need to sternly tell her that she is being manipulated and it's not fair to take away my working from home and insist that she reconsider. Hubby thinks I need to "stick up for myself" but I'm just thinkin' that may not go over so well.

I am after all her subordinate. . .

I think a better plan is watch what I say or do around this other person, and do my best and prove that I am darned good at what I do (I did after all outshine three other contractors that had been around longer for the permanent position that I got) and eventually (as she already said) I will be working from home again.

I am just bummed because it's summer and getting done early means me and the kids have more time to play.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Jun 22, 2008 3:13 am

Hi, Faith! I may be totally off-base here, but I think it's great to have someone to "whine to"; very healthy even. Even better when it's a therapist so I don't feel like I'm constantly "unloading" on my friends. I also think what we are all going through is really dramatic and requires some selfishness to work through. Of course, when I say selfishness, I mean dropping some of the crud we think we should do, and start doing what's really important; taking care of ourselves. After all, I'm no good to anyone else if I'm a mess. Your therapist sounds a lot like a psy. I went to for a while. It was all about my "growing up" and "being tougher". One day I realized he was only making me feel pressured and like a failure, so I dumped him in the middle of a session. Naturally, I don't know your exact experience with your therapist, but it doesn't sound too hot from where I'm sitting. Only you know best, though. You certainly don't sound like a "drama queen" to me, just very self-aware and smart. I hope better days come quickly for you. I believe they will.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Jun 22, 2008 6:00 am

Thanks. That's so sweet. I think you're saying the coach is too rough on me. The counselor is very kind, but he doesn't work directly with panic attacks much. He did recommend a book called "The Anxiety Cure" which actually didn't help me much!

As far as whining. . .I think it is good to have someone to whine to. My problem is I've been unloading on my friends WAY TOO MUCH and I want to work on not doing that as much.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Jun 22, 2008 6:33 am

The coach does sound a little harsh but I say good for you in seeing something in yourself that you would like to change and trying to do something about it. You don't have to get down and negative on yourself about it. When I was having a lot of doubts and anxiety years ago and I was whining to a friend of mine (a lot) she finally said to me "I'll listen for two weeks about this and then you either need to change your focus here and do something about it or pay a therapist to listen and work this out." At first I was offended but later thought "ok, I think I over did this and maybe she was right." It seemed harsh at first but it made me see some things I needed to see in myself. We are still friends and I don't 'unload' all my troubles and anxiety on everyone anymore. I've pretty much stopped being the drama queen over everything that happens. The program has helped so much with this, as my anxiety levels have decreased so that I don't feel a need to tell everyone my life story anymore. Some of my friends feel I've become a little boring but other's I think may be glad I'm not unloading on them anymore. Oh well, you can't please everyone. Good luck on your journey and I think just being aware of what you would like to change will create something positive here.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Jun 22, 2008 8:08 am

I distinctly remember Lucinda mentioning in the program that anxiety is a selfish condition. I can relate to the constant mulling over of my problems and "issues". But I think the good news is that we are aware of it. We are here and we are trying to change our patterns of negative thinking. Remember that negative thinking is a bad habit that we can break, BUT it takes time. We didn't learn these behaviors overnight and so as much as we would like to get rid of them overnight, it's going to take time and hard work.

But in the mean time when I find myself snowballing with my thoughts, I remind myself to come into the present moment, the past is the past what's done is done and no amount of planning can secure the future. Life is all about change and it's eaiser to float with the waves rather that swim upstream.Try thinking instead about what you have to be greatful for. that helps me.

Also try not to judge yourself. Is there any evidence that proves you are globally bad? No. Yes, there may be some negative thought patterns that you are working on changing, but there is no evidence that you are a bad person. Accept responsibility for yourself but take none of the blame.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Jun 22, 2008 11:21 am

Also try not to judge yourself. Is there any evidence that proves you are globally bad? No. Yes, there may be some negative thought patterns that you are working on changing, but there is no evidence that you are a bad person. Accept responsibility for yourself but take none of the blame.

True. . .and when I calm down and think about it, I think. . . maybe it will do me some good to be in the office more for awhile to make sure I understand all that's going on. It's not like my boss said my work is horrible or they don't trust me. In fact she told me this has nothing to do with my performance.

So I'm going in tomorrow with my head held high and I'm going to just be careful around this person. I'm also considering checking to see where she got the word that this task had been "taken away from me" when actually this woman and I agreed to let her finish it up. . .since she was doing the next month's work anyway. A little damage control now that I'm calmer is probably fine.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Jun 22, 2008 1:04 pm

Originally posted by Faith_TX:

I think a better plan is watch what I say or do around this other person, and do my best and prove that I am darned good at what I do (I did after all outshine three other contractors that had been around longer for the permanent position that I got) and eventually (as she already said) I will be working from home again.

This sounds like a good plan! Good luck!

Genie