Ok to Hopeless in seconds!!!

[RagingLibra]

Hello
This is my first time ever on a forum. I've haven't been handling my husband's new job. He's a union Iron worker and he works on tower cranes. This new company that just hired him on requires alot of traveling. He's been in Bermuda since Sunday and he'll be coming home this saturday but only to leave to the Virgin Islands soon. I feel lonely, i cry uncontrollably, He wants me to just be Happy. no matter what. I can't cry to him or get emotional. He loaths when I do. I feel I have to be perfect around him or he's gonna leave me.
He says I;m just jealous. I don't know how to
get ahold of my negitive thoughts He gonna do whatever he's gonna do and If I can't be happy and deal with it well he says "I'm sorry".
I go from feeling ok to Totally hopeless in seconds. Help

[Guest]

Hi RagingLibra,
I can really relate. My fiance' has been working out of town and it is hard especially if they are your safety person. I hope what we can learn from this program is that we can find safety within ourselves. Men often do not know what to do when we women get especially emotional, because they think that it is their responsibility to keep us happy and they get confused then upset. As you work through the program You will see that you are a valuable and beautiful person, and you will learn to communicate your needs to your husband. Sometimes men truly need to be given simple instructions of what to do for us. I was depressed and tearful yesterday on the phone to my guy and he was at a loss I told him it just happens with me sometimes it will pass and it was not his issue. Just his listening made a difference. It is scary showing people we love our"darker side" it feels vunerable and scary. I still get those little girl feelings that he will leave me if I am not perfect. Know that you are worthy, God loves you and your peer group is here for you.
I also know the rollercoaster ride of emotions and am trying to really just go with the wave and care for myself as my best friend. Know that the hopelessness is temporary and you can ride it through-good luck and take care!

[Guest]

Hi Raging Libra,
I'm sorry that you are going through a rough time. I think that you need to realize that it is the anxiety that is making you feel like your husband will leave you if you are not "perfect". I'm sure that he doesn't think that way at all, I think men in general hate it when women cry. It doesn't mean that they won't love us or understand, I think it makes them feel powerless to see the person they love in pain. Keep in mind, too, that men in general are not as conditioned to talk about feelings and emotions as women. Have you ever thought about therapy? Sometimes just being able to talk to someone that is impartial and can help you look at the situation realistically is very empowering. I think taking some kind of action, whatever it may be, to learn to deal with this situation would make you feel better, it is the feeling that you have no control that is making you feel so hopeless. You are stronger than you think you are, you just need to tap into it!!

[Guest]

Hi Libra,

Do you have the StressCenter.com program? It sounds like you may be overly dependent upon your husband to feel okay about yourself. Basing our self worth on others opinions means we have yielded control of our emotional stability to someone besides ourselves. It makes us a yo-yo with our moods, and like you say we can go from "ok to hopeless in seconds". This is no way to live. It is very painful as you are experiencing. I hope you have the program. It can teach you how to build self esteem from within yourself and how to stop yielding control to your husband for your emotional stability.