Jealousy

alpha · Post by **alpha** » Tue Mar 11, 2008 11:15 am

I need to ask someone, Does anyone get jealous over things? I'm married and have 3 child. I have had the most hards time with being jealous of my hushand friends and his friendshipswith women. Any advice ...

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Mar 11, 2008 11:33 am

no advice but this is my main problem . not in a relationship right now but i am hoping the sessions dealing with scary obssesive thoughts will. put this thing in its place good luck

NinjaFrodo · Post by **NinjaFrodo** » Tue Mar 11, 2008 12:07 pm

I dont have an answer I wish I did. I have messed up a lot of relationships being over jealous of other girls. I have been cheated on several times and trust is a big issue for me. I used to have anxiety attacks just bc my man went to the gas station thinking he was going to meet a girl it was horrible I find it just continues to get worse

GuitarTom · Post by **GuitarTom** » Tue Mar 11, 2008 12:21 pm

First let me say I am not a therapist nor do I have any training in this at all.....I'm probably wrong most of the time. This is just my opinion from life experience and what I've observed.

You said you have 3 children....are you a stay-at-home mom? I have seen this very common with women once they've had children because the perception is sometimes that our husbands get to "keep" their old lives, i.e., hanging out with friends, career, friends of the opposite sex. While the women are trying to hold down the house, children and sometimes a job. It tends to breed jealousy. I think that we change so much, hormonally, after kids and our priorities and way of thinking also changes. Men don't go through those types of changes to the degree that we do. They're still the "Bill" that we married....just with kids.

I think men have it right, sometimes. We have to be a little selfish and take care of ourselves, too (physically as well as emotionally). I believe it makes for a better parent as well as a better spouse and, most importantly, it keeps us happy with ourselves.

If your thoughts are obsessive and causing you a lot of anxiety, I think that Mikee B's is right with the session on scary/obsessive thoughts helping you through this.

Good luck.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Mar 11, 2008 12:31 pm

Hello kitkat.

You may not be a therapist but you sure "hit the nail on the head" with that one. You are so right. I couldn't have said it better.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Mar 12, 2008 3:15 am

KitKat really did bring up a good point. I've been a stay at home Mom for the last 7 years!! (oh my God, that long?!!). Anyways, I felt like that the first few years and it was horrible. I mean, I loved my babies and stuff, but there was that envy of when I had adult conversations, went out to lunch with coworkers and not to mention, my OWN hard earned money! But, now, a few years have gone by, I have some free time when my youngest is in preschool and after going thru this program, I take time for myself. I workout and go walking in the morning, run my errands by myself (finally!) and now that my oldest is in school, I volunteer and have met alot of new people and stuff. It is true, the more you love and take care of yourself, the less that kind of stuff and thinking will get to you.

Lew · Post by **Lew** » Wed Mar 12, 2008 3:33 am

being man and i am on here more then i am with anyone else except my wife..but, in here we share things and have a prayer group on wednesday nights at 10 p.m. and the first few times i was the only man there..but i did not worry..after the 1st one my wifeasked where there any men and i told her no. ment tend to not want to talk about things that bothr them like women do..but i am different...well i hope i am...
if you think something is going on with your spouse and keep thinking it...you know what even though i do not think he is doing anything you could make it happen by keeping thatthought in your head. i think it wil lead to other thoughts,,,
find something that will give you a chance toget out and go somewhere and let him be with the children. you know you deserve that asmuch as he does..i hope what i said was not taken wrong...we all have come so far and fear will make things worse...be happy with what you have togehter...do things together and make time for that..take care and know that you are in our thoughts and prayers and GOD BLESS..
DON
IF I CAN HELP SOME BODY AS I TRAVEL OON, HEN MY LIVING WILL NOT BE IN VAIN...

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Mar 12, 2008 7:02 am

Alpha, I'm no Dr.Bill, but may I suggest something that might remove some of those jealous thoughts...
Set a day in the week and apply it every week.. ( Call it your date night )
Go out with your husband alone, doesn't have to be anything expensive (A walk in the park, out to dinner,,, have some fun go dancing )or make it sexy.... have him drive up like a real date... dress up... come on girl use your imagation.. just as long as you find a couple of hours of quality time alone, look into each others eyes, bring back that passion you once had when you first dated him...This will make you feel more secure about your relationship ( leaving no room in your mind for jealous to sneak in )
As for him with his friends regardless what sex, everyone needs a little space in a relationship, grant him that and in return he'll love you more.
Hope this helps
Your canadian friend Steven

beyond · Post by **beyond** » Wed Mar 12, 2008 8:30 am

KitKat - Good thing to bring up! This can happen though even when there are no children in the marriage. When I got married I came to see that my husband's life didn't change as much as mine did. I would get jealous and sometimes resentful over this. My friends would call ahead of time to make plans thinking I would need to check with the spouse first. His friends would call at the last minute and off they went! Well later on (and after the divorce) I realized that I could have been asserting myself way more than I did and could have been doing more things for myself than I had been doing. (Well better late than never). Sometimes I think women feel they need to make a lot of adjustments when they marry and men sometimes feel their life will be just the same except that they are now married. I see now that I could have avoided a lot of my jealousy and resentment if I had been more assertive and proactive in doing things for myself that I needed to do. I would have been happier and he would have been too without all the underlying resentment that I know I was projecting.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Mar 12, 2008 10:17 am

It's not easy, is it? No matter how in love we are when we get married (or in a committed relationship), the reality is that you're merging 2 lives together and it's hard!!!!!

I guess this is the stuff we get to look back on and laugh about when we're elderly and sitting on the porch.