My Life my very hard life, what caused me to go Down Hill.

shawn_nola · Post by **shawn_nola** » Sun Jan 27, 2008 3:55 pm

When I was 15 years old I use to competition water ski. Right before I was I was getting ready to go to a camp for for water skiing. I had a bad accident. I wiped out and hurniated 3 disc in my back. I never took any pills to get better. I did the right thing, I worked out and got my back strong again. When I was 23 I got married. This was the hardest 8 years of my life. I got divoreced about 8 yesrs. My ex put me therought a living hell. Even though she was the one who cheated on me. I started to get over this about a year later when I won full custody of my daugther.

I was doing fine until two years or do ago. Hurricane Katrina hit. My house was fine. When I was cleaning up around my house, I fell off the back of my truck. Reinjured my back, I ruptured a dics in my back and re injured two of the other ones. At the time they did not have any doctors around. I was sent to a pain management doctor. They pur me on Oxycodine and Soma. After about a year of this, I realise they were not working anymore but also realised that I had become addicted to them. I decided to do my best to quit. I had meet a girl that I really cared about and she helped me to fight it and get off of them. While I was fighting and tryong to get off the Pain Pills, I started having seizures for 6 months. They did not figure out what was wrong until they realise I had a abcess on my brain. This was caused from the sinus cavity bursting in my for head. The Infection went through my skull and caused an abcess on my brain. I had to get Brain Surgery, Feb. 8, 2007. A month later I had to get sinuse surgy. This was the most dangerious sinus surgery you can get because it went all the way to my brain. While I was recovering from all of this I realised I could not get off the pain pills by myself. I decided to put myself into a Daily Rehab. I did this for 6 weeks. After all of this the girl I was dating realized she could not take anymore of my problems and she split up with me. This was four months ago. I was devasted again. I realise I was on my own. The last two years have taken such a tole on me that I basically shut down. I could not take anymore. if it was not for me having my daughter. I dont know if I would be here right now. She is the reason I keep fighting to recover.
I have never felt like I have over the last 2 years, I was so depressed that I drove off the preson I truely loved. I cannot stand to be alone. I get so depressed that I do not want to get out of bed. I feel like I cannot meet anyone I my life becuase I am not not good enough. If I do I feel like I will screw it up. I feel that after my Brain surgery. No one will want to be with me. Even though you cannot see what happen. I have been dealing with Migraines that basically put me down and out for days. I feel like I am missing so much time with my daughter that I am not being a good father. I am just so unhappy with myself and all that has happen in the last two years that I will never recover. It got so bad that I was was working for my family. They basically had enough also. They said I not longer have a job. I feel pretty much Worthless. And a father, a employee, and maily a failure to myself.

I pray to got that this will help. I cannot keep going on like this.

Please read and please Help if you think You can. I am truely wanting to give it a chance but I am so scared because I feel my life is a failure.

GOD HELP ME.

spedteacher · Post by **spedteacher** » Sun Jan 27, 2008 4:03 pm

DANG!!! If this was an Marvel or DC comic, I'd say you would be the next Super Hero!

Keep faith in God and do this program. Best wishes.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Jan 27, 2008 5:19 pm

Thank you ll Legend ll

SeaRunner · Post by **SeaRunner** » Sun Jan 27, 2008 6:06 pm

Hi Shawn:

The fact that you have gone through so much and have worked so hard shows your strength. I too have struggled with keeping my chin up only to fall again due to one illness or another. I have been down this time for a whole year. The longest timeframe so far. I have been great for the last two weeks due to several changes. My profile explains more. I also have had a hard time letting go of past problems. All year I experienced anticipatory anxiety because of the years of the same patterns of what seemed like failure. Now I know that only I have the power let go of the past and push forward. The difference is this time I am making healthier food choices to avoid anxiety, and I will be learning more tools to help me to be proactive in disarming anxiety, panic, and depression. I hope this is encouraging.

p.s. that is me wakeboarding

KDlady · Post by **KDlady** » Sun Jan 27, 2008 6:21 pm

HI SHAWN, MY GOODNESS NOLANS IS A GREAT PLACE TO PARTY

. BOURBON ST ROCKS. IF I LIVED THERE I WOULD BE AN ALCHOLIC

. YOU ARE TOO CUTE TO BE DEPRESSED

....................MALIKYE
I AM NOT YELLING

Kelly3022 · Post by **Kelly3022** » Sun Jan 27, 2008 6:45 pm

Hi Shawn,
Just that fact that you are in here looking for help tells me alot about your strength and determination. You have been through much more than some people deal with in a lifetime. You will find someone who will love you just the way you are because there is nothing wrong with you. You are not a bad person you must be an amazing Dad to take on your daughter all on your own that says it all to me. Hang in there and it will get better you are stronger and tougher than you give yourself credit for. Are you doing the program ?? Just remember that if God brings you to it he will take you through it. I know that it doesn't seem like it sometimes but you will get through this and have the life you deserve.
Hang in there my friend there are alot of awesome people on here to help you out and give you support. You will get through it I know you will.
God bless you
Mimi

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Jan 27, 2008 7:40 pm

Hi Shawn, I read with interest your post and all the others giving help. I will try also because I was where you are now. I blew my back out in 93 had surgery and again in 97. The last time I blew it 4 levels were effected causing pain I never thought a person could take. I have had 4 surgeries to date with no help. I had to retire from work early due to the back and am only 52. I also have had 2 divorces one after 20 yrs of marriage the second lasted only 2. I then spent 3 years studying the Bible and getting involved at church. The turnaround in my life was like the difference between night and day. But I couldnt find a mate, I too was lonely and wanted to wed again although I had given up pretty much for that to ever happen. Last summer I got this program to get over depression caused by my son being murderd and my situation. Like the changes when I turned my life over to CHRIST this program helped me to get over the depression and anxiety it all brought. On Oct 3rd I remarried the most wonderful woman in the world, she is beautiful inside and out. It would never have happened without GOD'S help and being led to the things that gave me tools to live by. I still deal with horrible pain in my back and legs but now I dont let it rule me. You will do the same Shawn, you are intelligent and brave to have posted and looked for help. The power of prayer is real so expect great changes as you pray and work the program. GOD Bless, Bruce

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Jan 27, 2008 7:48 pm

Wow Bruce what an inspiring story thank you for sharing that with all of us and I am sure you will help Shawn on his journey as well. God is great isn't he Bruce.
God bless you
Mimi

peace of mind · Post by **peace of mind** » Sun Jan 27, 2008 8:52 pm

I went through 11 years of a marriage from hell, then on to 2 years of totally losing my mind from being addicted to prescription drugs. I tried to commit suicide- wanted to for months but my son keep me hanging in there. At one point though I just said I'd had enough living this way and was outta here. I went through- rather drank my way through, Katrina too by the way. I woke up from my overdose and felt like a failure at that too. I said "God I can't live like this anymore. Either show me the way out of this pit I'm living in or take me home to you." Slowly I reached out to clergy, looked up scriptures on line for anxiety and depression, picked up the Bible, sang in church and really listened to the words, and soon I began yearning for more. The depression faded with the EMSAM patch and the anxiety is being tackled. I was saved and baptized recently, and there is a world of difference in the girl that just existed several months ago. So, with the help of God bringing me the correct medication and this program, I am claiming God's healing in my life for "ask and it shall be given." There's no room for doubt. I have my ups and downs but just keep doing what I've been doing to make it through. Praise God for the little things, like your daughter. Praise Him for everything! May He hold you in the palm of His hand.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Jan 28, 2008 7:39 am

Thank everyone for there inspiring words.